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Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Prompt: #201, Addiction
Author's Note: One-shot.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***He was addicted to Hannibal Lecter.
He might as well face it, Will told himself as he rolled over in bed and stared out of the window at the bright day outside. Here he was, facing the weekend, a precious two days off to be alone and revel in his privacy -- and all he wanted was to be with Hannibal.
The other man had said that he wasn't going to be in town this weekend, so there was no use in showing up at his house to say that he had just come by to chat.
He hated knowing that Hannibal wasn't somewhere near him. He hated feeling that he couldn't go to his lover when he had two days off and could spend the night there without feeling as though he was somehow mixing work with pleasure.
He had no reason to feel that way, Will told himself firmly. Just because he spent the night with Hannibal and then got up and went to work the next morning didn't mean that the two sides of his life, professional and personal, were colliding in any way.
But maybe they were.
He didn't like that. He couldn't let it happen. He had to keep his relationship with Hannibal far, far away from his work. It was suspect enough that he often went to Hannibal to talk about some of the things he saw on a daily basis, asking him for help in oblique ways.
He shouldn't be doing that. He should keep his relationship firmly in the realm of the personal. But when his boyfriend was also his shrink, it was hard to do.
Boyfriend? Will blinked, feeling surprised. When had he started thinking of Hannibal in such terms? They were lovers, yes. They were intimate; they shared their bodies in a way that he'd never done with anyone else. Hannibal was his first, in so many ways.
But did he have the right to call the other man his boyfriend? He didn't think so; Hannibal had never referred to what they had in those terms. And he had been the one to caution Will about revealing their relationship to anyone else. He obviously didn't want people to know.
Hannibal wasn't his boyfriend. Hannibal was his addiction.
He wanted Hannibal so badly that it almost frightened him. He had never felt this kind of compulsion before, this need to be with Hannibal. Even if they didn't have sex, he craved the other man's nearness. He didn't feel safe unless he was with Hannibal.
Why should he only feel safe with Hannibal? Anyone else would probably feel uncomfortable around him. Hannibal had that kind of effect on people.
Maybe he just felt safe with Hannibal because the other man held such a fascination for him. He hadn't been able to keep his mind off of Hannibal even before they'd become lovers; he'd thought about him constantly, even when he was working.
That definitely hadn't been a good thing. He hadn't needed to have thoughts of Hannibal entering his mind at a crime scene, when he should have been concentrating on what he was doing. But it had happened, and that was the main reason he had gotten into this relationship.
He'd had good intentions. They had backfired.
Will had thought that by becoming physically involved with Hannibal, he could rid himself of the constant need to be with the other man; he'd thought that finally having what he craved would ease that craving, would make him feel satiated.
But it hadn't. Becoming involved with Hannibal had only intensified his need for the other man; he had gone from craving Hannibal to being addicted to him.
Will stretched out under the covers, wincing slightly as he began to feel the aftereffects of his last night with Hannibal. Had it really only been twenty-four hours since he'd woken up in Hannibal's bed on a sunny day like this one, his body protesting the activities of the night before?
The bruises would be darkening now, purple rather than the blue-black they'd been yesterday. Hannibal liked leaving bruises on his body, and even though it was painful, Will let him do as he pleased. In some ways, he enjoyed the lingering pain.
Some people would say that made him a pervert.
Will didn't care what anyone else might think. They didn't understand his needs, his desire to be dominated, the pleasure that he took from what Hannibal did to him. Maybe he was mixed up, but being with Hannibal made it all seem so clear and uncomplicated.
He needed Hannibal. He needed someone who would master him, dominate him, control him. This was what he wanted -- and it was what Hannibal enjoyed giving. So they had a relationship of mutual pleasure, even if it was one that couldn't be publicly displayed.
Other people's opinions didn't matter, he told himself. All that mattered was how he felt about Hannibal --and how Hannibal might feel about him.
That was thing he was never quite sure about -- did Hannibal have softer, gentler feelings for him at times? Did he want their relationship to go beyond the sub/dom ethic they'd already established? Was he just as addicted to Will as Will was to him?
Will sighed, turning over and burying his face in the pillow.
He would probably never have the answers to those questions. And really, he shouldn't need them. It should be enough that his relationship with Hannibal was one that gave them both pleasure, one that neither of them wanted to end.
But it wasn't enough. He wasn't just in a relationship; he was in the grip of an addiction, and though there were some who would say that it wasn't healthy, it was an addicted that he wanted to explore to the fullest -- and that he wanted to sink deeper into.
In for a penny, in for a pound, as the old saying went, he thought wryly. If he was going to be an addict, he might as well savor that addiction as much as he could.
Did he love Hannibal? He didn't want to use that term; love wasn't something that he was ready for. He could honestly say that he wanted Hannibal, and that he needed him -- but addiction wasn't love, as he was all too aware.
His addiction was only growing stronger, and he couldn't stop it.
There was no reason to stop it, Will told himself firmly. As long as both he and Hannibal were happy with their relationship, there was no need for it not to continue. Some people would say that it wasn't good for him, but at this point, he didn't care.
He was addicted, and he wasn't ashamed of it. Maybe he couldn't call this love, but whatever it was, it was good enough for him.
He was satisfied with what they had -- and if he was, then he was fairly sure that Hannibal was, as well. The other man had shown no signs of discontent, so Will could only assume that he was happy with the way things stood between them. He certainly seemed to be.
It was obvious that Hannibal wasn't as addicted to what they shared as he was, but maybe that would change at some point. Maybe Hannibal was merely holding back, for his own reasons. Maybe he was just as much into this as Will was, in a different way.
After all, Hannibal wasn't the kind of man to let his emotions show.
With anyone else, that might have worried Will -- but he was used to Hannibal's reticence at this point. It didn't bother him that his lover played his cards close to the vest, though there were times when he did wish that Hannibal was a little more forthcoming.
He wanted Hannibal to be addicted to him. He wanted Hannibal to want him with the same passion, to need desperately. But he knew that would never happen; Hannibal wasn't the kind of man to give in to his passions, not even when they were at their most intimate.
There was always a part of him that stayed aloof, that held back. Will wanted to break down those walls, to get inside Hannibal's mind just as his lover had gotten into his.
But that would never happen unless Hannibal let it happen -- and he knew that wasn't very likely. So he would have to accept their relationship the way it was, or run the risk of losing his addiction. If that happened, Will was fairly certain that he would completely break down.
He couldn't lose Hannibal. That would destroy him.
Maybe he would be able to give up this addiction one day, but he didn't think so. Will sighed as he lay back against the pillows, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to relax. It was going to be a long weekend, one that he hoped he could get through without his addiction demanding to be sated.
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