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Title: Not on His Agenda
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: Sequel to "Best Interests."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***What could he do to regain Will's trust?
More importantly, how had he managed to lose that trust in the first place? Hannibal frowned, steepling his fingers under his chin as he pondered that question. He had no idea where he had gone wrong, and that fact bothered him terribly.
He needed Will to trust him if he was to facilitate the young man's breakdown. And he needed a complete breakdown if he was to be able to put Will back together again.
The fact that Will seemed to be pulling away from him would destroy all the careful plans he'd made, and he couldn't have that. And beyond that, there was another fact that had been bothering him more as each day went by that Will was in his house.
Will had heard him when he had begged the young man not to die on the floor of that basement. He didn't doubt that Will now realized there were stronger feelings that bound them than mere desire. He was under the impression that Hannibal loved him.
Oddly enough, he wasn't entirely sure that he didn't.
What was love? It had never been an emotion that he'd been able to come to grips with; he had accepted long ago that he would never be able to love another person, not as most people understood the concept of "love," at least.
He could have tender feelings for his friends. He had even felt that way about a lover or two in the past, for a very brief time. But what he felt for Will went far beyond that.
Hannibal wasn't sure that he could call what he felt by the name of "love," but he knew that it was more than he'd felt for anyone else in his entire life. There was something about seeing Will in his current state that only made the feeling grow.
Maybe that meant he was falling in love with Will more every day.
He hadn't expected that to happen, but then, he hadn't expected to have Will here in his home, either. He hadn't counted on any of this, and he had to admit that it stymied him, in a way. A monkey wrench had been thrown directly into his carefully conceived plans.
Of course, he was trying to cope with the disruption of those plans as best he could, but these feelings for Will kept getting in the way.
If he could put a name to those feelings and be done with it, things would be easier -- but he was reluctant to call what he felt by the word that most people would use. Maybe it was a sort of love, but it was still difficult to admit to that emotion.
Love wasn't something that Hannibal Lecter needed to feel.
Love wasn't an emotion that existed on his agenda. Love would make him weak when he needed to be strong; love would let him coddle Will when he should be pushing the boy to his limits -- and beyond. It would only get in the way.
But at the same time, he needed to regain Will's trust, and cement it. He needed to convince Will that he was indeed loved -- by any means necessary.
He could no longer use sex to prove that; of course, he didn't intend for the sexual drought he and Will were experiencing now to extend much further into the future, but he knew that forcing sex on Will at this point would be counterproductive to his agenda.
Though it was so terribly hard to look at Will and not want to undress him and savor that beautiful body to the fullest, Hannibal thought with a soft sigh. He couldn't stop himself from wanting Will, especially when they were in bed at night.
It was so hard to keep himself from simply taking what he wanted.
Thus far, he'd managed to do so, but barely. There had been times when he had wanted to push Will down, to rip the clothes from his body and thrust inside him until the boy writhed beneath him and cried out his name, begging him to stop ....
With difficulty, he pulled his thoughts away from the path they were traveling down. If he kept thinking like that, then he would have to take a little private time for himself.
Hannibal sighed, closing his eyes. It was obvious that he desired Will, but the emotions that accompanied that desire were growing stronger with each passing day. He was starting to wonder if he could keep holding them back.
The problem was that he didn't want to hold them back.
But he couldn't let his emotions interfere with his plans for Will. If he did, then he might find himself backing away from those plans, and he couldn't do that. No, he had to continue down the path that he had begun to tread. There was no turning back, not at this point.
If he was very careful, then he would be able to cement Will's trust in him, and make sure that the young man's emotions were exactly where he wanted them to be.
Once he had achieved that, then his own emotions could be given free rein. By that time he would have gotten them under control, and hopefully, he would have deciphered just what it was that he felt for Will, put a name to it, and compartmentalized whatever emotion it was.
It could be love. But then again, he wasn't yet sure.
If this was love, then he would have to completely rethink his plans. He wouldn't be able to hurt Will -- even though that wasn't really what he'd planned. He wouldn't even be able to give Will the glorious death that he had in mind, and had since they had first met.
No, he wouldn't be able to remove Will from his life. If this was love, then he would need Will beside him -- and he might even find that he had to trust Will with all of his secrets. If this was love, and if Will also truly loved him, then he should be able to do so.
Eventually. But it was far from time for that yet. After all, he still didn't know what name to put to this strange emotion that seemed to have taken him over.
He would find a way to regain Will's trust, even if it took some time. He might have to retrace his steps, to painstakingly build up their relationship again. He could do that. It would be frustrating, but the rewards would be worth it in the end.
Hannibal was, above all else, a patient man.
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