Title: A Man Without Secrets
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 22, Secrets
Author's Note: Sequel to "All He Could Wish."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
He hated keeping secrets from Will.So far, he was doing well, Hannibal mused, leaning back in his chair and resting his hands on the desk in front of him. Will had no idea about his secret life.
He couldn't keep living that life, of course. He knew that. It would have been possible while he was only dating Will, but it was no longer an option.
Will was living here now. And within a few months, they would be married. It was impossible for him to sneak out at night, and he found that he no longer wanted to. Though there were times when the need to kill felt like an itch gathering under his skin.
He would have to keep ignoring that need. The only way that he could satisfy it would be to drug Will before he left the house at night, and he refused to do that.
If he did that, then he would be committing a crime against the man he loved, and that was something he would never allow himself to do.
He loved Will far too much for that.
Hannibal knew that he would never harm the man he loved. He wasn't worried about that. He would protect Will with his life -- even from himself.
He would simply have to force himself to control that darker side of his nature -- no matter how hard it might prove to be. He couldn't indulge that darkness any longer.
He didn't doubt that it would be hard to break his old habits; there had already been times when he had lain awake next to Will while his fiancé slept peacefully, staring wide-eyed up at the ceiling, wishing that he could slip away undetected.
But what if Will awakened sometime in the night and realised that he wasn't there? He would ask questions, of course. And Hannibal wouldn't be able to answer them.
At least, not truthfully. And he had already vowed to himself that he would be honest with Will -- at least as honest as he could possibly be.
He wouldn't be honest about his past.
If he revealed all that he had done, he was sure that he'd lose Will. And he couldn't let that happen. Not having Will in his life would destroy him. If Will knew the truth about him, the things that he had done, Hannibal was absolutely positive that it would tear them apart.
He couldn't live without Will in his life. All right, he told himself, a slight smile curving his lips, perhaps that was being just a bit melodramatic.
But there was a kernel of truth in the words. He could continue living without Will by his side, but life would no longer contain any joy, any pleasure.
Without Will, his desire to live would be gone. He doubted that he would last much longer if Will, for some reason, decided to leave him. He would more than likely become sloppy, make mistakes, and allow himself to be gunned down by the police.
Without the man he loved, death seemed preferable to a continued existence.
Losing Will would feel as though his world had ended. He didn't want to feel that sad, that bereft. He needed Will in his life, in his bed, in his arms.
And he was sure that Will needed him, too. They each gave each other a love that they desperately needed; he didn't think either of them wanted to live without it.
But the secrets that he'd kept from Will about his past would be impossible to keep once they were married. He might have to come clean about some aspects of his past, though he would much prefer not to. He would like to be able to start all over with a clean slate.
On their wedding day, he would leave his past as a serial killer behind him. It was the least he could do for the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Will deserved a man who was untainted. He deserved a man who would try with all of his heart to be the best person he could be. A man without secrets.
Hannibal was going to try his utmost to be that man.
He would have to give up all of his secrets, but really, he didn't mind doing that. It was a small price to pay for having Will in his life and in his heart.
To keep Will, to make their marriage harmonious, he would do whatever he had to do, no matter how difficult it might be for him.
It would all be worth it in the end. No matter what he had to give up, having Will by his side would be more than enough compensation for that. Besides, it was time to give up his Chesapeake Ripper persona. Will was getting too close. Eventually, he would be caught.
Hannibal sighed softly, closing his eyes. Yes, it was past time that he put that life behind him. Especially if he wanted a life spent with the man he loved, rather than one behind bars.
That life was over and done with. Those secrets would be kept. He would carry them to his grave, to ensure that he and Will would have a happy life together.
That life was more important than any secret.
It might not be easy to keep those secrets, to lock them away within himself and never speak of them. But for the sake of his marriage, he would have to do just that.
Hannibal was sure that he could do it -- just as he was sure that he could control those urges that had always risen up within him.
With Will in his life, he could keep those urges at bay. He could control himself.
Really, he would have no choice.
If he didn't, then he would be separated from Will forever.
And he would not, could not, allow that to happen.
***
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