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Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: One-shot. Alternate interpretation of events from "Fromage" -- the way they should be!
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue. soar
***He had betrayed Hannibal. The one person he loved with all of his heart, the one person he wanted to spend his life with.
He had kissed her.
He hadn't meant to, Will thought, the desperate words running around in circles in his head. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't even wanted to. He had just done it to experiment, to see what it was like to kiss a woman.
He hadn't wanted her. Not the way he wanted Hannibal.
And then he had been stupid enough to come here and actually tell Hannibal what he'd done, as if he was bragging about something to stupid.
What was wrong with him? What kind of fool was he?
He shouldn't have said anything. He shouldn't have told Hannibal what he had done. True, he didn't have a physical relationship with Hannibal; they weren't lovers. Not yet. But Will was sure that they would be, in the fullness of time. He didn't doubt that for a moment.
And now he might have ruined it all, by doing something unbelievably stupid thta he hadn't really even wanted to do. What had made him cross that line? It wasn't like he actually wanted her. She didn't even interest him as a person.
Kissing her had been one of the most unpleasant experiences of his life. He had wanted to pull away and wipe his sleeve across his mouth afterwards.
But he hadn't done that, because it would have been rude. Hannibal despised rudeness, and Will was starting to feel the same way.
What had he done?
He'd betrayed the man he loved. He had betrayed his heart and soul, selling them out for a momentary curiosity that had come to nothing. He was surprised that Hannibal hadn't thrown him out of the house the moment he'd admitted his indiscretion.
Hannibal should have thrown him out. It's what he would have done if the person he had a growing relationship with had admitted to such a betrayal.
He didn't have a right to expect to be with Hannibal now. He had ruined everything. Will wanted to cry, to sink to the floor and bawl like a baby. But crying wasn't going to solve anything. No, he would save his tears for when he was at home, in his own bed.
Alone. As he would probably always be.
He could hear Hannibal coming back down the hallway to the office. He wanted to curl up on the couch, twisting his body into a small ball so he couldn't be seen. He had never felt so ashamed in his entire life; he wanted to disappear into a black hole and never come out.
But he couldn't run, couldn't hide. There was nowhere for him to go. Only out of this house, and out of Hannibal's life. That was what he deserved.
Hannibal should throw him out; Will couldn't help but wonder if he would. What else could he do, when he had been betrayed in the worst way?
And for what? Will thought miserably. For nothing.
He should have forced himself to think before he acted. He had known when he'd kissed her that he didn't want her; he'd known that he was doing something stupid. His reaction to that kiss had only confirmed his thoughts, confirmed his mistake.
Hannibal was the only one for him. Hannibal was the only person he wanted. Thinking that he could want anyone else, that he could be happy with them, was absurd.
He had already known that, in the back of his mind, but he'd had a hard time admitting it to himself. Now, he was sure of it -- now that it might be too late. Hannibal might, even now, be preparing to tell him to get out, that he wasn't wanted any more.
The thought made a sob rise to his throat, breaking free into the silence of the room.
"Will." Hannibal was sitting down beside him, reaching out a hand to place it on his shoulder. "Do not cry. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were merely reaching out for a new experience, because you were curious. I can't blame you for that."
"I blame myself for it," Will whispered, unable to turn his head to look at Hannibal. He was still sure that he would be thrown out, that Hannibal would excise him from his life.
It was no less than what he deserved. He had broken the sanctity of their bond, and he deserved to be punished for it, in any way that Hannibal chose. Will couldn't see what he had done as anything but the worst possible betrayal.
He glanced over at Hannibal; the older man was shaking his head.
"Will, you can't blame yourself for being curious," he said softly. "It's only natural. You don't have much experience, and you sought to gain some. That isn't a crime."
"I'm so sorry, Hannibal," Will managed to choke out, wanting nothing more than to bury his face against Hannibal's shoulder, to be taken into those strong arms and held. Somehow, some way, Hannibal wasn't angry at him. Hannibal was .... forgiving him.
"I know you are, my sweet." The words were soft and soothing; Hannibal's hand was stroking his shoulder, barely moving, but still calming him.
"I don't know how you can forgive me." The words were barely whispered.
"There is nothing to forgive, Will." Hannibal shrugged, the gesture seeming odd on him. "Everyone wants a bit of experience in their lives -- though I do feel disappointed that I wasn't the one you came to for that kiss. Though I can see why you strayed."
Strayed? He'd done worse than that, in his own eyes. He had betrayed Hannibal. But he would never do it again; he knew where he belonged.
"I never wanted her," Will managed to say, wishing that he could speak, that his throat wouldn't close up and the words of apology would come pouring out. He didn't know if he could ever apologize enough for such a betrayal, but he would try.
He would spend the rest of his life apologizing, if that was what it took.
"I know you didn't." Hannibal's voice was warm now, almost as though he was smiling. "You had to prove to yourself that you didn't. And now that you have, we can move forward, Will. I trust that such episodes are behind us for good."
Will nodded, only too happy to capitulate to that statement. He didn't want anyone else. He only wanted this man, for the rest of his life and beyond.
Without warning, without a word from either of them, he was suddenly in Hannibal's arms; the other man's lips were on his, those strong arms around him, holding him close. Will was sure that he could feel himself falling, melting, his body turning into molten lava.
Now this was what a kiss should be.
This was all he wanted, all he needed. All he would ever want or need. He would never even think about kissing anyone else, not ever again.
This was the only person he wanted to kiss, from now until eternity.
And judging by this kiss, it seemed that Hannibal just might feel the same.
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