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Pairing: Will Graham/Lee Fallon
Fandom: Hannibal/The Big C
Table: Quotables Challenge, tv_universe
Prompt: "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." -- Bertrand Russell
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Will closed his eyes as he felt Lee's arm tighten around him; he knew that it was time for them to go upstairs and get ready for bed, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words.
He was too nervous about being in bed with Lee, too nervous about what would happen. He wanted Lee more than he had ever wanted anyone, but he still had to get used to feeling this kind of desire; he couldn't simply jump in bed and have sex.
They'd only met each other this afternoon. He wasn't ready to throw himself headlong in the physical aspect of their relationship, even if Lee was.
He hadn't even told Lee that he was a virgin.
Lee could probably guess that; Will knew that his kisses hadn't exactly been expert ones, but Lee didn't seem to mind that, and had seemed to enjoy them.
Of course he had, Will told himself firmly. Lee loved him. He'd said so, and Will believed him. Kissing the person you loved was always pleasurable; it didn't matter if they weren't all that experienced at kissing, as long as they were kissing you.
But still, he couldn't help wondering if Lee might be disappointed by the fact that even though he knew what to do in bed, he lacked any practical experience with lovemaking.
Or he might view it in a completely different light.
He might enjoy teaching Will about lovemaking. He might enjoy being the guide, the leader, and showing Will what to do to please him. Will hoped that was the case; he himself had no idea what pleased him, and was leaving it to Lee to find out.
Still, the fact remained that he was feeling a little hesitant about making love. He loved Lee, but he wasn't sure that he was ready for this tonight.
If he didn't make love with Lee tonight, would their future start to fall apart? Would he lose the man he loved because of his hesitation, because he'd led his fears get the better of him? He couldn't bear for that to happen, not when he and Lee had just found each other.
He couldn't lose this man. Not now, and not ever.
He'd heard that of all kinds of caution, being too cautious in love was the most fatal to being happy. He could certainly see where that would be true. Holding back when you were in love could make the other person turn away.
Will didn't want to lose the happiness he had found. He wanted to hold on to that happiness with both hands, and make it grow stronger.
He would do that, he told himself firmly. He would conquer his fears, leap over the yawning black chasm that loomed in front of him, and never look back.
If Lee wanted to make love tonight, then they would. He wouldn't be afraid of what was to come; he had no reason to fear anything. Lee would be gentle with him -- and once his lover knew that he was a virgin, he was sure that Lee would be even more so.
There was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all.
"If you're worried about tonight, I promise that I won't put any pressure on you," Lee said softly, making Will look up, his mouth falling open. He hadn't realized that Lee would be so good at reading his thoughts; had they somehow been written on his face?
"H-how did you know that's what I was thinking about?" he managed to stammer. "It's not that I don't want to make love with you, Lee, but ...."
He let his voice trail off, swallowing hard. He didn't want to say the words aloud, didn't want to admit that he was close to thirty years old and still a virgin. Somehow, it seemed embarrassing, as though it made him less of a man. As though it diminished who he was.
That was ridiculous, but it was how he felt.
"Lee, I ...." Will took a deep breath, then let the words spill out. "I'm a virgin. I've never been with anybody before. And I'm .... kind of nervous about it."
Lee's response was gentle, his tone soft but firm. "Will, I'm not going to push you," he said, the fingers of one hand stroking through Will's dark curls. "We have time. And there's nothing to be scared of. I'd never hurt you. You have to know that."
"I do," Will said, feeling his throat close. How could Lee be so gentle and understanding? He didn't deserve this, not when he was essentially saying no.
Lee bowed his head to capture Will's lips with his in an intoxicating, heady kiss.
When that kiss was done, Will felt as though he could melt into Lee's arms. If Lee asked him to make love right now, here on the couch, he would do it. Gladly.
He didn't want to exercise caution. He wanted to give himself to Lee tonight, fully and completely. But it was best for their relationship if they didn't jump in head first. When they did make love, it would mean more because they hadn't rushed things.
Will closed his eyes, leaning into Lee's embrace, a smile curving his lips. It wouldn't be long before they were lovers in truth. They could be patient.
But he wouldn't be cautious for much longer.
He believed that saying about caution in love being an impediment to happiness. And he wasn't going to deny the two of them that happiness for long.
"Let's go to bed," Lee said softly, his words echoing what Will was thinking. "We don't have to do anything that you don't want to do, Will. Just being there with you, having you in my arms, is enough for me. At least," he grinned wickedly, "for now."
Will's answering smile held all the hope and love that he felt in his heart. Not tonight, but one night soon, this man would be his lover, and all caution would be thrown to the winds.
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