Title: Chaotic Emotions
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: 8, 50ficlets
Prompt: 32, Emotional
Author's Note: This is a 50-ficlet AU series for Will/Hannibal. In this universe, the two of them are deeply in love with each other, though neither knows quite how to bring that love out into the open.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
Will walked to his car, feeling as though he was reeling with shock. He thought he'd seen it all, but this last murder had been one of the more grisly ones he'd encountered.All he could think of at the moment was getting away from here, stripping off his clothes, and getting into a hot shower, as hot as he could stand, to wash away what felt like a film of filth from going into this particular killer's mind.
At the moment, he hated his job. He hated his empathic abilities that had brought him to this job. And more than anything, he hated crime scenes.
He wished that he had never agreed to work in the field.
He was getting too emotional over this, Will told himself. It was a job, and he hadn't known the person whose body he had just bent over. It wasn't personal.
But if felt personal, especially when he knew how that man had died. He had been inside the killer;s mind, had known just what he had done, and how he'd felt while doing it. He had felt the vile happiness, the joy that the killer had found in taking a human life.
That had repulsed him more than anything else he'd ever encountered. He had never been inside the mind of a killer who took such pleasure in his murders.
That had jolted him like nothing else could have. Why was he doing this? Why did he feel that he had to subject himself to this kind of stress every day? Jack was asking too much of him; it was wearing him down, disconnecting him from reality.
That was what Hannibal had told him, and his lover was right. If he kept doing this, he would become more and more disconnected, until he finally faded away.
He felt like he was fading now, slowly but surely.
Hannibal had thought the same, and his lover was right. Not only was he fading, but it was happening more quickly each time he had to deal with a new crime scene.
This wasn't good for him. He couldn't keep it up, no matter what Jack wanted. He was going to have to take a few steps back, spend some time out of the field. If Jack didn't like it, that was too bad. He couldn't allow his work to take over his life.
Will sighed. He needed to take a vacation. A long one.
Of course, he couldn't take a complete vacation from his work -- the school year was in progress, and he had classes to teach. But Jack was going to have to give him a pass from the field for a while. He couldn't put all of his energies into helping catch killers.
They'd done it without him before. They could do it now. It wasn't like it would be that hard for them, Will thought bitterly. They were still uneasy around him, seeing him as Jack's pet freak, as someone they needed to keep their distance from.
Just like everyone always did, especially at a crime scene.
Of course, Jack didn't see it that way, Will thought with a sigh. Jack saw him as the goose that laid the golden egg. He was Jack's way to a promotion, to all kinds of accolades for solving crimes. But he didn't solve those crimes. Will did.
Jack didn't care about the emotional toll it took on him .Jack didn't care that he was disconnecting from the world, fading away from reality. Jack didn't care about him.
No, Hannibal was the only person who truly cared.
Which was why he was going to Hannibal's house now, Will told himself as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He needed to see his boyfriend.
He needed the emotional stability that being with Hannibal could give him. He needed to let the man he loved hold him, to pour out all of his fears and frustrations to Hannibal, to let his lover soothe him as no one else possibly could.
Hannibal was the only person who could soothe him when he felt that he was falling apart like this. He was the only one who could be relied on in an emotional crisis.
Will took a deep breath, then another. He had to settle himself somewhat before he saw Hannibal; he wasn't just going to run into his boyfriend's house feeling distraught. He could explain how he was feeling to Hannibal, they could spend time together, and all would be well.
He couldn't help smiling at the thought; just thinking of the man he loved could soothe his emotional turmoil as nothing else could.
How had he survived before Hannibal had come into his life?
He didn't know the answer to that question. All he knew was that Hannibal could soothe his aching soul, fill the void that had started to open up within him.
The chaotic emotions that warred for precedence within him needed someone to separate them, to make sense of those feelings. No one could do that in the way that Hannibal could, Will told himself. No one else would ever want to, had ever wanted to.
The sooner he got to Hannibal, the better, he thought, turning onto the freeway and pressing the gas. He would count every moment until he was there, safe in his lover's arms.
***
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