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Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Prompt: #46, Coveted
Author's Note: Sequel to "Alone With His Fears."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Hannibal leaned back in his desk chair, closing his eyes. He'd just seen his last patient for the day, ushering them out quietly. The rest of the day and evening was for himself.
And for Will, he thought with a slight smile. He would see his young lover tonight, and he had no doubt that he would take Will to bed. He had been thinking about that ever since the night before, when he had spent the night alone in his huge bed.
But he and Will didn't see each other every night for a reason, he cautioned himself. Doing that would make him far too dependent on Will's presence.
Hannibal sighed, pushing a stray lock of hair back from his face.
But he was dependent on Will, at this point. He might as well admit it. He needed the young man to make him happy, to make him feel as though there was some point to his days, to his life going on. He needed Will like he had never needed anyone.
And last night, he had come to a realization that bothered him somewhat. He'd realized that he also coveted Will, as as possession.
He didn't like thinking of Will as his possession, not really. But Will was his, even though he didn't own his young lover as he would a pet. Will belonged to him, in every sense of the word. There was a bond between them that couldn't be broken.
Will felt that way, too. Hannibal was sure of it. Will turned to him when he needed help; Will came to him for assistance and assurance.
They needed each other, really. Will needed him to boost his self-assurance and self-esteem, and he needed Will to give him a reason for his life going on. Before Will had come into his life, there hadn't really seemed to be a reason for that to happen.
Will kept him going. Will .... gave him hope.
Was it any wonder that he coveted that feeling in his life, and was loath to let it go? Was it any wonder that he did whatever he thought necessary to keep it there?
Oh, he would never have considered killing himself, ending his life; that was simply wrong. He didn't want to die, but before the advent of Will in his life to brighten his days -- and nights -- there hadn't seemed to be much of a reason to rise and go about every day.
His patients, yes. That gave him something to do, but it didn't really exercise his mind or capture his interest. Not in the ways that he needed it to.
There hadn't been much in his life before Will.
He had tried to pretend that he had a full life. He had given dinner parties, seen patients, gone to the opera, rad a lot of books. But ultimately, all of that was empty.
He had never thought that he was the sort of person who wanted, or needed, anyone to care for. He had long since pushed that sort of emotion out of his life, telling himself that with him, it wasn't important. Emotions did not have a place in his existence.
Then, he'd met Will -- and emotions had come rushing in when he had been all but certain that he was done with them forever. Will had changed everything.
Will had changed his life for the better -- first as a friend, and then as a lover. And now, he was doing all that he could to protect those changes.
He didn't want anyone out there who looked like Will, who resembled him physically in any way. He knew that there was no one who could be like Will mentally or emotionally, so he wasn't worried about what people were like on the inside. Only how they looked.
He coveted Will not only for who he was, but for his good looks. And he wanted to preserve those looks, to make sure that they were kept unique.
There was nothing wrong with wanting his lover to be special.
Of course, Will wouldn't agree with that if he knew what was going on, Hannibal thought with a soft sigh. Will would more than likely be repulsed by his actions.
Which was why he could never tell Will about all that he was doing to preserve what was uniquely his. If he did, then Will would turn away from him in disgust. He had no doubt of that. As much as Will loved him, he knew that his young lover would never understand.
No one would. Which was why he would have to go to the trouble of framing someone else for his actions. It was a dirty business, but it couldn't be helped.
And, of course, after a suitable amount of time had passed, he would continue.
It was annoying to know that he would have to curtail his activities for a while; that would give people who might resemble Will time to multiply, to come into the area and become blots on his lover's uniqueness. But he would take care of that soon enough.
It was more than a little annoying to have to keep himself hidden like this, but he had become used to it over the years. And now, hiding was more important than ever.
if what he did, what he was, was ever brought into the light, he was certain that Will would leave him. He didn't doubt that it would cause Will great pain to do so, but he knew that his lover wouldn't be able to stay. He wasn't that kind of man.
Will had a wonderful sense of justice, of right and wrong. Though darkness existed in him, he would always inevitably go to the side of the light.
Perhaps that was yet another reason that he coveted Will, Hannibal mused. He would like to embrace that lighter side himself, but he knew that he had gone much too far into the darkness to ever come out of it again. He had no salvation, unlike Will.
No, that wasn't quite true. Will was his salvation.
Will was his light. He coveted that light, wanted to hold it to himself and never let it go. It was one of the many reasons why he held onto Will so tightly.
Perhaps he shouldn't be so covetous of Will, desirous of seeing more of the side of his nature that would always turn towards the light. Perhaps he would only end up dragging his young lover into the darkness with him, a darkness that neither of them would ever escape from.
But that was the risk he took. He would try his best not to drag Will down, to let Will continue to be the light at the end of the tunnel for him.
Even though he knew deep within his heart that he would never reach that light.
Ah, well, at the moment, that didn't seem to matter much. What mattered was that he would see Will tonight, and that they would spend time together and inevitably make love. He was looking forward to the evening more than he could possibly put into words.
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