Title: The Definition of Crazy
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: Quotables Part 2, tv_universe
Prompt: "I've started to re-evaluate my definition of crazy."
Author's Note: Sequel to "I See You."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
If Hannibal was his master, did that make him a slave?Will frowned at himself in the mirror, making a face. He didn't like the sound of that. He was no one's slave. He didn't take orders, like a dog on a leash.
He wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to do this, but he felt that he didn't have a choice. Hannibal was right about one thing: He did need a clearer view of his future.
if Hannibal being his master, giving him guidance, taking over the reins of his life, could do that, then he was all for it. He just wasn't sure that he liked the term master. He would have to talk to Hannibal about that, and find out just what the rules were, how far this would go.
He had a feeling that once they had put this into motion -- if he agreed to it, which he wasn't at all sure yet that he would do -- there would be no turning back.
A part of him was terrified that he would relinquish too much control of his life to Hannibal, and that he would never be able to get that control back again, even if he needed it.
And he would need that control. He knew he would.
Letting someone else take over the reins of his life was something that he'd never considered before. It would take a lot of patience -- and a lot of trust.
Did he have that kind of trust in Hannibal? Will hesitated, unsure as to how he would answer that question. It wasn't an asy one for him to contemplate, much less have a ready answer for.
He'd never trusted anyone very much, even when he was a child. He'd always wondered if he was crazy for being like that, because everyone else he knew seemed to give their trust so easily. Over the long years that had laid ahead, he had come to think of himself as being a little crazy.
But his crazy was a good kind, he kept reminding himself. His crazy had a healthy dose of paranoia mixed in with it, and that crazy kept him safe and protected.
He'd begun to re-evaluate his definition of crazy lately, and he now had to wonder if his own particular brand of it hadn't been as good for him as he had previously thought it was.
Was he even crazier to even be contemplating Hannibal's offer? He didn't want to be anyone's slave, no even this man's. Even though he more or less did nearly everything that Hannibal advised him to do already, he didn't want to lose his own control over his decisions.
Though he had to admit that it would feel good to have the stress and strain of making too many decisions taken out of his own hands and placed on someone else's shoulders for a change.
Will sighed softly, running a hand through his dark curls. He wasn't sure if he was sinking more deeply into his own brand of crazy, or if he was doing the right thing.
By the time he knew the answer to that, it would be too late to turn back.
Was it crazy to jump into this? If it was, then he had gone off the deep end. Because as much as he hated to admit it, he'd already made up his mind.
He was going to do this. He was going to relinquish control to Hannibal, and try to let go of the stresses and strains of his life. He needed that reprieve to be able to think more clearly.
"I've started to re-evaluate my definition of crazy," he said aloud, shaking his head. "And even with doing that, I still think that I have my own special brand of craziness that nobody else can touch." He sighed softly, closing his eyes, the sound of his own words starting to raise doubts in his mind.
Resolutely, Will pushed those doubts away. He didn't have room for them in his life. Not now. He'd made up his mind, and he was going to stick to his decision.
He didn't know where this was going to lead him. He just hoped that if he changed his mind, he could back out of this just as easily as he seemed to have gotten himself into it.
Though knowing Hannibal, he doubted that would be the case.
***
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