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Title: Emotional Tangle
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: Sequel to "Look To the Light."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***He wasn't ready for this.
The kiss, the embrace, the feelings that threatened to swirl to the surface -- they were all too much. He wasn't ready to handle them, not yet.
His emotions were so tangled when it came to Hannibal that he wasn't sure of just what he wanted. Did he want a relationship with this man? A part of him did, but another part of him pulled away, unsure as to whether he should allow himself to trust that fully.
Something in him didn't trust Hannibal and never would. Will didn't know why that was, but he knew that he would do well to listen to his instincts.
Why didn't he trust Hannibal? He'd been given no reason not to.
But yet, there was something within him that warned him to be cautious, telling him that Hannibal wasn't all that he seemed, that he had dark secrets.
Will didn't want to know what those secrets were. He didn't want to delve deeply into who Hannibal was, into his background, his reasons for saying and doing things. He didn't want to get that close. He wanted to back away, to keep this man at arm's length.
At least, that was what his conscious mind told him to do. Another part of him, a part that he didn't think he could keep under control, wanted something very different.
A part of him wanted Hannibal to take him, to lead him upstairs, strip off his clothes, lay him down on the bed, and do whatever he wanted. A part of him wanted to be taken, to be overwhelmed, to let Hannibal take control of him and have his way.
Even as the thought rushed through his mind, Will pushed it away. No, that wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't ready for that, not in any way.
And he never would be. He was sure of that.
He wasn't ready to let anyone take control of his body that way. He couldn't give himself so easily, couldn't let someone else take the reins.
That wasn't who he was. He couldn't simply throw caution to the winds and abandon himself to passion, no matter how strong it might be at the moment, no matter what he might be feeling at the moment. He wasn't built that way. He had too many walls put up.
Those walls weren't going to come tumbling down any time soon. And his emotions were far too much of a tangled mess to sort through them quickly.
He couldn't yield to this kiss. He couldn't give in.
He pulled away, out of Hannibal's embrace, away from the kiss, his blue eyes wide with shock -- and not a little fear. He backed away, spreading his hands.
"Wh-what are you doing, Hannibal?" His voice sounded breathy, more high-pitched than usual, even a little squeaky. He had to stop for a moment to catch his breath, to try and put his barriers back into place. "I didn't ask for that. You had no right --"
Hannibal was shaking his head, holding up his hands in front of him. "I'm sorry, Will. I meant no disrespect. I seem to have simply read you wrong, that's all."
"Yeah, you did," Will muttered, turning away from the other man, not willing to face him. He didn't want Hannibal to read anything in his expression.
Had he been wrong to pull away from that embrace? Was he being stupid? Should he listen to the part of himself that urged him to simply give in, to let Hannibal do what he wanted and finally be able to discover all the feelings he'd always held himself back from?
He'd never experienced those sorts of feelings with anybody; why shouldn't Hannibal be the first person that he allowed to bring them to the forefront?
Because Hannibal was his psychiatrist, that was why.
It was wrong for him to feel this way. It had nothing to do with the fact that Hannibal was a man; Will had long ago accepted that he was more attracted to men than women.
It had everything to with the fact that he and Hannibal had a professional relationship, even though the other man merely said that they were friends, and that their psychiatric sessions weren't anything more than one friend extending help to another.
But Will knew better. They could be accused of professional impropriety if they became involved, and that was one thing he didn't need to deal with.
Of course, Hannibal would take the brunt of any censure, not him.
The emotional tangle that he was caught up felt as though it was strangling him, cords around him pulling more tightly with every passing second.
He almost wanted to gasp for air, but he wasn't going to. He wouldn't let Hannibal know that this had in any way unnerved him, or even made him feel uncomfortable. Though he probably already knew that, given the way that Will had pulled out of his embrace.
Will could still feel that forbidden kiss burning on his lips; if he licked his lips, he would be able to taste it. He took one shaky breath, then another, fighting for equilibrium.
He hadn't expected to feel like this, not after one simple kiss. Why did Hannibal affect him in such a way? It wasn't at all what he'd expected to feel, or even wanted to feel. And his emotions were mixing with physical sensations, confusing and disorienting him.
Everything was spinning out of control, and he had no idea how to make it all stop whirling around and come right again. He couldn't find the center.
Nothing was as he'd thought it would be.
"Will, I am sorry if I've offended you in any way," Hannibal said, his voice very soft. "I had no intention of doing so. I simply wanted to .... show you my feelings."
Will managed a soft laugh, shaking his head, not turning around to face the other man "I'm not offended," he choked out, wondering if that was strictly true. He wasn't entirely sure just how he felt -- though he was sure of what Hannibal had expected him to feel.
Maybe he did feel that way. He didn't know. He couldn't be sure. He had to sit down and think about this, examine his feelings under a close scrutiny.
And even then, maybe he wouldn't be completely sure of them.
All he knew at the moment was that he wasn't prepared for this, that the emotional tangle within him was growing tighter and more complicated with every moment.
He had to get out of here. He was edging slowly towards the door, knowing that Hannibal would follow him, but unable to stop himself. He couldn't stay in this house for one moment longer, couldn't stand here and make small talk. Not after what had happened.
His hand was on the doorknob, turning it slowly. He finally looked back at Hannibal -- to see the sly smile on the other man's lips, the fire that was still apparent in his eyes.
Will opened the door, turned away, and bolted outside to safety.
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