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Title: Gods & Monsters
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Table: Charloft prompt challenge, tv_universe
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue. soar
***He could never think of himself as a monster.
Hannibal sighed, leaning back in his chair and interlacing his fingers over his chest. It was a position that he often took up when he wanted to think, and at the moment, he had a great deal of thinking to do, thinking that needed to give him some answers.
What would Will think of him if he knew about his .... decidedly odd tastes? Would his young lover back away from him, or was the strength of his feelings enough to make him protective, to keep him by Hannibal's side? What would the outcome of such a revelation be?
Hannibal wasn't sure that he wanted to know. He had never planned on Will finding out about what he did in his solitary hours.
No, he didn't consider himself a monster. He thought of himself as a god.
He was a man who held the power of life and death in his hands. He could dispense that life -- or death -- in any way that he saw fit; he was the one in control. It gave him a sense of power, of being something more than human.
That sense of power had been with him for a very long time; it was ingrained into who he was, a part of him. It was a feeling that he never wanted to give up; even for Will, he would never relinquish that power. Will would simply have to accept that it was a part of the person he was.
What if Will couldn't accept that? Hannibal sighed, closing his eyes and trying to relax his tense muscles, wishing that his thoughts would settle down.
Why was he musing on this possibility, anyway?
It wasn't as though Will was close to finding out the truth about him. His young lover was kept in the dark, and things were working out well. The two sides of his life hadn't met, and Hannibal didn't plan for them to do so. At least, not for a very long time.
He didn't want to let Will get mixed up in the secret side of his life. Though, if he was honest with himself, Will was already a part of that side of his life, just by the fact that he was hunting a killer. Hannibal knew who that killer was.
His lover could never discover that he was the Chesapeake Ripper. If Will had that knowledge, he would become a very big liability.
Hannibal couldn't countenance the idea of dispatching Will, of not having the young man in his life -- or even in this world -- any longer. A word that didn't contain Will Graham would be a world that he didn't want to live in, a word that would be devoid of happiness for him.
Will was his happiness. He had to admit that.
But Will was also a danger to him. It was an irrefutable fact. And as much as he hated to admit that he might be forced to get rid of Will at some point, that was also a fact. It was disturbing, troubling, and very problematic, but there it was.
Somehow, he would have to find a way to keep the two sides of his life completely separate. So far, he'd done a masterful job of that, but with Will becoming more and more a part of his daily life, it would keep getting harder to maintain that distance.
But somehow, he would have to manage to do so. If he didn't, then his two separate lives would cross, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't let Will find out about the secret side of his life; he didn't know how his young lover would react.
Though he could guess, Hannibal though, his mouth twisting into a wry parody of a smile. He was sure that Will's sense of right and wrong would prevail.
If Will found out about the other side of his life, he would leave.
He couldn't lose Will. That was a sacrifice that he wasn't prepared to make. Besides that, he didn't want to be looked at as some kind of monster -- and especially not by the man who he had tender feelings for. He couldn't bear to have Will's love turn into hate.
If It did, then he would lose the one person who truly cared about him -- and the one person he could truly care for. It would all be over.
There would be no more happiness. He would no longer feel like a god, no longer reign supreme in his world. It would all crumble into dust, every bit of what he had worked so hard to maintain taken away from him. That could not be allowed to happen.
It wouldn't happen, Hannibal told himself firmly. He wasn't a monster, and he would not be viewed as one. Not by Will -- and not by anyone. He would keep hiding the secrets he kept, and his life would go on as it always had, with no bumps in the road.
He would keep his life ordered and compartmentalized, just as he always had.
If life was divided into those who were gods and those who were monsters, then he knew which side he would be on. He would always be a god. It was his destiny, what he had been born to be. And he would do all in his power to make sure he remained in that position.
What Will didn't know wouldn't hurt him. And if the mask ever did slip and he caught a glimpse of what he deemed a monster, that bridge would be crossed when they came to it.
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