Title: Part of His Life
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 18, Future
Author's Note: Sequel to "Dangerously Intimate."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
He might as well face it. He wanted to be part of Hannibal's life.But not just in the way that he was now, as a patient, a colleague, and, he hoped, as a friend. He wanted to be much, much more than simply a friend.
He wanted to be a part of Hannibal's life in an intimate way. He wanted to be the man who Hannibal chose to be with, the man who he fell in love with.
Will sighed softly as he lay back against the pillows, crossing his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling as the moonlight played across it, creating swaying shadows. He didn't want to look at the clock; he knew that it was the middle of the night, and that he had hardly slept.
Thinking about Hannibal, about how much he wanted to be with the other man, kept him up at night. All he could think about was that one desire, the desire that was never assuaged.
He'd had a chance to make those desires known tonight, to bring them out into the light. If he'd acted differently, he might even be in Hannibal's bed tonight, instead of his own.
He just hadn't had the courage to voice those desires out loud.
No, instead of stepping up to the plate, being brave, telling Hannibal what he really wanted, he had turned and run away, as he always did where this man was involved.
Hannibal made him nervous -- and scared him. He'd never been seriously involved with a man before, and he knew that if they did begin a relat8ionship, it would be serious.
Hannibal wasn't the kind of man who did anything lightly. He wouldn't have a casual affair -- he would expect that the two of them share a commitment, something that would last. Will didn't doubt that for a moment. But he wasn't sure if he was ready for all that could entail.
A part of him wanted it, but another part held back.
Could he deal with not being alone any longer, not having his solitude? Would it be easy for him to slip into someone else's life, and to let them into his?
Or would it be the hardest thing he'd ever tried to do? Will doubted his ability to make things work. He doubted that he could sustain a serious relationship.
But like Hannibal, he didn't want them to be merely a casual fling.
That wasn't what he wanted his first real, serious relationship to be like. No, he wanted the two of them -- if they ever became a couple -- to be completely committed to each other, to have something that would last forever. He wasn't going to let himself settle for anything less.
What he wanted was perfection, Will thought with a sigh, shaking his head and smiling wryly. And he should know that such a thing was possible in any relationship.
Maybe he should try to let it be enough to simply be a part of Hannibal's life as his friend and colleague. It was far too dangerous to let anything else happen between them.
Though even as the thought coalesced, he knew that he couldn't do that.
Hannibal's kiss had taken that choice away from him. There was no way now that he could be satisfied with the two of them just being friends. It had gone too far.
The moment their lips had met, he had known that he wanted to be part of the other man's life in an intimate way. That kiss had sealed the deal for him.
There was no turning back now that Hannibal had kissed him. He still had to wrap his mind around the fact that the man he desired seemed to feel the same way about him, but he knew that he could no longer turn away from his own desire and keep tamping it down.
The cat was out of the proverbial bag now. He was sure that Hannibal had sensed how he felt, and that the subject would come up the next time they talked.
He almost wanted to reach for his phone and call Hannibal now, but he knew that would be a mistake. He couldn't just jump into this. He had to think.
Though what was there to think about, really? He knew what he wanted.
He wanted Hannibal. And apparently, Hannibal also wanted him. There was no way that the other would have kissed him like that if he didn't mean business.
They'd have to talk about their obvious mutual attraction to each other. There was no way around that. But Will found himself shying away from the talking -- maybe because he still had reservations about becoming involved with Hannibal, despite the desire he felt for the other man.
He didn't know why he felt that reluctance, but he couldn't deny the fact that it was there. It was disturbing, a niggling thought that lingered around the shadowy corners of his mind.
He would have to push that thought aside when he talked with Hannibal.
Will took a deep breath, closing his eyes. It was no use to lie here and think about wanting to be a part of Hannibal's life. He had to make that happen with action, not thoughts.
He would make it happen. They would talk this through.
Maybe, before too much longer, they would be doing a lot more than simply talking.
Will could feel his heartbeat speed up at that thought. He forced himself to keep taking deep breaths, knowing that it was the only way he'd be able to lull himself into sleep.
He had to get some rest, or he wouldn't be able to think clearly.
Though at the moment, Will wondered if he would ever think clearly again.
***
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