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Title: Never Look Back
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Prompt: #450, Never look back
Author's Note: Sequel to "Elusive Sleep."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Will stood on the front porch of Hannibal's house, staring at the door. He knew that he should raise his hand and knock, or ring the doorbell; somehow, he couldn't bring himself to do so. It felt as though he would be ending an era of his life if he did.
He hadn't particularly liked that part of his life, but embarking on what felt entirely new -- and scary -- to him was more than a little disconcerting.
But he was here now, and he wasn't going to let himself turn back. He had come to a decision last night, and he was going to follow through on it. He was going to let Hannibal Lecter become his lover, if that was what the other man wanted. It was certainly what he wanted.
Even now, his heart was already pounding, his pulse racing. All he could think of was the fact that Hannibal was on the other side of that door, waiting for him. Tonight, their psychiatric session would -- hopefully -- turn into something much more than a doctor/patient discussion.
He wanted Hannibal to kiss him. And possibly even more than that.
Maybe he was being a crazy fool. Maybe he was wrong about Hannibal's feelings, and the other man didn't desire him at all. But Will didn't think he was wrong. He had seen the expression on Hannibal's face when he'd said certain things, seen the desire written clearly in his eyes.
He might not be good at picking up on subtle signals, but he didn't think Hannibal's signals had been all that subtle. He had read them loud and clear.
Hannibal might not have even realized that he was giving off such signals, but Will didn't think that was the case. Hannibal was far too intelligent, too good at reading people. And he was a psychiatrist. He had to know when he was sending out that kind of a message.
Or maybe he knew exactly what he was doing, and his intention had always been to draw Will to him, like a spider to a fly. That didn't seem likely, but with Hannibal, there was no way of knowing. The man was so damned enigmatic.
He always felt off balance with Hannibal,as though he was playing some kind of guessing game with the other man. And it was obvious that Hannibal liked those kind of mind games. They never ceased, and they were getting increasingly hard for Will to keep up with.
He didn't want to play games with Hannibal. He wanted to lay all of his cards on the table, to be honest about his feelings and about what he wanted.
But he didn't know if Hannibal was ready to accept that kind of honesty.
He might be making a complete fool of himself, especially if he was wrong and Hannibal didn't have feelings for him -- or didn't desire him. He wasn't sure about the feelings, but that didn't seem to matter so much. It would be enough to know that Hannibal wanted him.
After all, he couldn't honestly say that he had feelings for Hannibal beyond good old-fashioned lust, could he? That was what this was all about -- his desire for Hannibal. A desire that couldn't be held back for another day. He had to know where it would lead.
He had always told himself that he should move forward in his life, never hesitate, never look back. Well, he was taking that advice to heart now.
There was no reason for him to feel so hesitant about knocking on this door. Hannibal expected him to be here tonight, after all. It wasn't like he was intruding. If Hannibal was uncomfortable with the subjects that he would bring up, he would cross that bridge when he got to it.
Did Hannibal want him? Yes. He was sure of that. But as to whether Hannibal would want him more than once .... that was up for debate. The other man might just want to have a one-night stand, and Will wasn't ready to give his virginity up for that.
If Hannibal wanted him, then he would have to know that whatever their relationship became, it would mean more to them both than just a brief time of fun and games. He wanted something more solid, more concrete. He wanted something that would last.
He wanted a relationship.
Will had no idea if that was something Hannibal was ready for -- or even if he himself was ready to jump into a serious relationship head first. But he was willing to try; he wanted Hannibal badly enough to do whatever he had to do to make a relationship between them work.
Maybe he was playing a losing hand in a game that he could never win, but he was ready to put everything on the line. His desire wouldn't let him back down now.
That desire was goading him on, telling him to keep moving forward, to never look back at his past. If he did look back, then he would lose his nerve. He would go into this house tonight and talk to Hannibal as a patient talked to his psychiatrist, nothing more.
He would keep holding himself back until there was no possible chance of having what he wanted. Hannibal would move on and find someone else to be interested in -- if he'd ever been interested in him like that at all, Will told himself with an inward sigh.
Well, one thing he couldn't do was keep standing here. He would eventually draw attention from passersby if he just stood here on the porch, obviously needing to either knock or ring the bell. And Hannibal would wonder where he was if he was late.
This was nerve-wracking. But he had no choice other than to keep moving forward. He had never looked back before. Now wasn't the time to start doing so.
If only it wasn't so hard to take that first step into the unknown.
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, sending up a prayer to whatever deity might exist, even though he didn't particularly believe in any of them. He raised his hand to knock, then thought better of it and pressed one finger against the doorbell.
Once, then again. He waited, knowing that he would hear Hannibal's footsteps from inside the house at any moment. Just teh knowledge that Hannibal would answer the door made his heart leap in his chest, feeling as though it would rise into his throat and choke him.
Within seconds, he heard those footsteps on the hardwood floor of the foyer, and the door opened to reveal Hannibal standing there. Immediately, the other man smiled, taking Will's breath away. Why did no one else's smile affect him in the way that Hannibal's did?
"Will," Hannibal greeted him as he swung the door open and stepped back to allow Will to come inside. "I was starting to wonder if you were going to make it tonight."
How casual he sounded! But Will could hear the underlying anxiety in his voice, as though Hannibal had truly thought he might not be here. Did it mean that Hannibal wanted to see him -- not just as the doctor and patient that they appeared to be, but as something more?
He could only hope that was the case. "No, I was just standing here thinking," Will said before he could hold the words back. "Thinking about you and me -- and about just why I came here tonight." He took a deep breath, then plunged ahead. "I want to talk to you about something>"
Now was the time. If he was going to tell Hannibal how he felt, he had to do it now.
"I don't want us to be just doctor and patient, or just friends," Will blurted out, throwing caution to the winds. He hadn't meant to approach this subject so bluntly -- or so quickly -- but the words had to be said before he drove himself insane. "I want us to be lovers."
Hannibal's brows rose; he closed the door and locked it, then stood looking at Will, the naked desire in his gaze unmistakable.
"Well then," he said quietly, indicating the office. "I believe we should talk about this further, Will. I won't say that I'm averse to the idea. In fact, I'd been hoping that you might feel this way. It saves me a great deal of time and trouble with dancing around the issue."
With those words, he stepped forward and pulled Will into his arms with one quick gesture, staring into Will's eyes before raising a hand to grip his hair and pull his head back.
Then Hannibal's demanding mouth was on his, the kiss forcing his mouth open, bruising his lips, and making him Hannibal's in a way that Will had never expected.
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