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Title: Not Without You
Pairing: Will Graham/Lee Fallon
Fandom: Hannibal/The Big C
Word Count: 1,012
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***"So they're telling you that this treatment isn't going to work."
Will felt as though he'd been dealt a blow, one that he might not recover from. He wanted to scream, to rail against how unfair life was, to burst into tears.
But he held all of those reactions back. If he was feeling that way, then how did Lee feel? He was sure that the other man needed a hug, to be held and reassured.
Right now, he wasn't sure that he had those reassuring words within him. All that he could feel was an icy fear that was creeping down his spine, the fear that he was going to lose Lee far too soon, when it felt as though their life together hadn't even had a chance to begin yet.
They were going to get married. They were going to add onto the house, maybe get a few more dogs, build a life that would last for many years to come.
Lee was going to beat this cancer. He had to. They had too much planned, too much of a future to look forward to, for him to be told that none of it was possible.
Lee nodded, the look on his face serious and sobering.
"Will, this doesn't mean that we should give up," he said, obviously trying to keep his tone encouraging and hopeful. "My doctor says that there's another trial, in DC, that he's getting me into."
Will nodded, swallowing hard, knowing that what Lee said was true. They couldn't give up. Not now. Not when they had so much in the future to look forward to.
Lee got to his feet, moving from the chair he was sitting in to sit down on the couch next to Will. The next thing he knew, Will was being pulled into his boyfriend's arms; he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms tightly around Lee's waist, resting his head on the other man's shoulder.
But he couldn't let the tears come. He wouldn't, he told himself firmly. He wasn't going to cry. Not here. Not now. He was going to stay strong and positive, for Lee's sake.
Still, that was more easily said than done. He could feel the tears prickling behind his eyelids, threatening to spill over, to course down his face in twin rivers.
He couldn't stop the words that came to his lips; there was no way that he could have held them back, though he knew that he should. "I don't want to go on without you, Lee. I don't have a life without you in it. Without you, there's nothing in this world for me. I might as well not even be here."
"Don't say that," Lee whispered, his arms around Will, holding him close. "You have your job. You have people to help. You have the dogs. They can't get along without you."
Will shook his head, knowing in his heart that Lee was right, but not wanting to admit it. It felt as though his entire world was collapsing around him, falling to pieces, crumbling to dust.
"I can't live without you," he whispered, the words a broken thread of sound.
"You may have to," Lee told him, his voice tight with tears that Will knew he was trying not to shed. "Will, I may not be here as long as you will. We've always known that."
Yes, they had. But it was still something that he didn't want to deal with, or think about. He didn't want to believe that Lee could die much sooner than he should.
Will pushed that thought out of his mind, refusing to countenance it. He didn't want to think about Lee dying. He didn't want to think that their future could be cut short -- or that it might never happen at all. That didn't bear thinking about, because he wasn't going to let it happen.
He raised his face from his lover's shoulder, taking a deep breath and wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape. "I have to live for you, right? That's what you're going to say."
Lee nodded, a small, wobbly smile playing around the corners of his lips. "You know you do, Will. But I've still got a lot of living to do yet. You don't have to think of that. Not now."
Will nodded, trying to return Lee's smile.
"Life wouldn't be same," he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "Not without you. I don't want to go on without you, Lee, but if I have to, if you want me to, then I will."
"You know I do," Lee told him, his own voice barely a whisper. "You have a lot of living left to do, Will. And so do I. We're going to do that living together, I promise you."
Will pushed his gloomy thoughts away, trying to focus on the positive. Lee's doctor did seem to think that the new trial he would be getting Lee into would work for him. They had to keep the faith, had to believe that it would. They couldn't let their fears sink them into despondency.
Staying positive was important for them both. He wasn't going to let this setback get him down; he was going to believe that it would all come right in the end.
He would think about going on without Lee when the time came, but he didn't need to focus on it now. Not when his love was here, and their life together was just beginning.
With any luck, he wouldn't have to deal with those dark thoughts for a very long time.
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