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Title: Fool's Paradise
Pairing: Will Graham/Lee Fallon
Fandom: Hannibal/The Big C
Prompt: 22, Recovery
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***It felt like everything was going to hell.
Lee straightened up and looked at himself in the bathroom sink. He looked like hell; he was pale, and almost gasping for breath.
He had been so sure that he was on the road to recovery, that this clinical trial was going to be the one that finally worked for him. He'd been doing so well -- but now, it felt as though he'd had a major setback. Suddenly, things weren't going his way at all.
It had started this morning, when he hadn't been able to eat. He had waited until Will was in the shower to run to the bathroom at home and throw up.
He hadn't told Will about it. He couldn't bring himself to.
He didn't want to scare his boyfriend, didn't want Will to deal with the anxiety and the fears that he himself would have to start living with again.
But what if his fears were true? What if the trials were no longer working for him, and he would have to start looking for a new one to give him hope again?What if his health was backsliding, and he would have to begin thinking about his own mortality?
He hadn't felt as though he had to do that for the past few weeks, and it had been the best feeling he'd ever had, to be so worry-free.
He should have known, Lee thought despairingly. He should have known that recovery wasn't going to be so easy, just because he was in love and had been so happy.
He'd thought that fate had decided to smile on him, but it seemed as though that wasn't the case. This was still going to be hard; he couldn't count on being pain-free, and he couldn't depend on being in love to keep him safe and happy.
This was what he got for trying to live in a fool's paradise, he told himself bitterly. He and Will had both been deluding themselves, lulled into a state of happiness.
How was he going to tell Will that things were now moving backwards?
Telling Will wasn't something he could put off. His boyfriend would know; he would sense it. He would see it for himself.
Lee sighed softly, resting his head in his hands, not wanting to look at his face in the mirror. This couldn't go on, he told himself. Either he had to know whether he was backsliding and would have to look for another treatment, or he had to get good news about this one.
He couldn't keep dealing with feeling like a yo-yo. Either his recovery was positive, or it wasn't. There would be no middle ground here.
Either way, he would have to tell Will, and he didn't know what he was going to say.
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