Title: Requiem
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Sequel to "Fugue."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
This was their requiem, then.They went out not with a bang, but a whimper. Will almost wanted to laugh at that those words; he'd never thought that they would fit into his life.
He'd never thought that he would have anyone in his life, or a relationship to mourn the end of. That was a step further than he'd ever thought he would be emotionally.
If he had never had Hannibal in his life, never known the good times, then he wouldn't be able to miss them, he told himself, heaving a sigh. At least he'd had those good times, even though they had been a carefully crafted illusion that had been fated to fall apart.
All he had now was his memories of a happier time, and the loneliness that he knew would permeate his life from now on. He could never go back to his former happiness.
And he could never be that happy again with anyone else. As much as he hated to admit it, Hannibal had been the one for him, the man he would judge all others by.
Anyone else could only be found wanting.
How could anyone else measure up to the man who he knew would always be the one true love of his life? No one else could ever do what Hannibal had done for him.
Hannibal had brought him out of the self-imposed isolation that he'd always built around himself, taught him how to come out into the world and embrace it.
Of course, that had been an ongoing process, and he was still something of a loner. He had always been on the shy side, but he'd been combating that shyness, with his lover's help. Now, he supposed that he would go back into that shell he'd always hidden himself away in.
What would be the point in continuing to make himself be social? There was no reason for him not to isolate himself now. He would always be associated with Hannibal in most people's eyes.
The full truth of their relationship might not have been made public, but people would always see him as someone who had been close to Hannibal. He'd never escape that association.
Everyone would assume that he had somehow </i>known</i> what Hannibal was and what he was doing. No one would ever view him in the same way; even though he hadn't had a clue, there would be people who'd never believe him. He would always be viewed with suspicion.
That was the legacy that loving Hannibal had left him, Will thought bitterly. A broken heart, and a broken life that it would be difficult to piece back together again.
He was experiencing not only a requiem for the one relationship he would ever have, but for his life in general. Will was sure that he would shut himself away for good after this.
Oh, he didn't mean that in a physical sort of way.
To the world, he would be much as he had always been, though maybe he would seem more withdrawn, more isolated than he'd been when he and Hannibal were together.
He would simply back away, and be more as he had been before he and Hannibal had ever met. The people around him wouldn't think that was odd.
After all, they would surmise, he had lost someone who he'd thought was a friend. He was mourning that friendship; they would understand that, and respect it. They would think that he had simply taken a few steps back from being social, which, under the circumstances, was natural.
They wouldn't know that he was mourning not only a friendship, but the loss of all that he'd held close to his heart. He was burying all of his hopes and dreams for the future.
The requiem for those dreams would be a constant refrain playing in his head from now on. Will was sure that the sound of it would never go away.
It was a constant refrain of regret for what might have been.
Will knew that he would live with that regret for the rest of his life, hear that requiem playing every day, during his waking hours and in his dreams.
He would never be able to shake it, never be able to banish it from his mind. It would be a constant reminder of all that he'd had, and everything that he had lost.
Lost? No, he'd given it away. He knew that he had done the right thing, but in the end, that was cold comfort. He was left with nothing, only the ashes and the remnants of broken dreams. Nothing to build a future on, nothing other than his memories to look back on.
He would always have the knowledge that he'd done the right thing. He had protected society, and put a criminal behind bars. He'd done what he knew was right, in the end.
But that requiem would always play in his mind, in his heart, to remind him of the cost of doing the right thing, of all that he had given up and walked away from.
It was the hardest thing that he'd ever done.
And he would be paying for it for the rest of his life, Will thought, sighing again and resting his head in his hands. His regrets would live with him for all of his days.
The past was the past, and he couldn't relive it. But he knew that he would spend the rest of his life looking back at it, and wishing that their story could have had a much happier ending.
***
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