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Title: Not A Death Sentence
Pairing: Will Graham/Lee Fallon
Fandom: Hannibal/The Big C
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***It hadn't been a good day. He felt weaker and more worn-out than usual
Lee sighed softly, stretching out his long legs on the couch and glancing up at the clock on the wall. Will wouldn't be home for another couple of hours yet.
That gave him time to think, time to wonder if he was doing the right thing by marrying the man he loved. Especially as his prospects didn't seem to look good at the moment.
What would Will do when he was gone? What if the cancer got worse instead of better, and he was gone much sooner than either of them thought he would be? It wasn't fair to Will to expect him to go on. Maybe he should have walked away from the first, and not gotten involved.
Maybe it would have been better for Will if they'd never fallen in love, if he had never stayed here. He wouldn't have to deal with the heartache of losing someone he loved.
But what was that old saying, about it being better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? He believed that, Lee told himself firmly.
He wasn't going to let a little setback get him down.
After all, hadn't he been told at the beginning of this trial that there would be ups and downs? It took a while for all of the medications to even themselves out.
It was still too soon to give up. And giving up on this trial would be the same as giving up on himself, and on Will. That was the last thing he wanted to do.
Will had given him the strength to go on when he had thought that he was at the end of his rope and that it would be so much easier to give up and just let himself fade away. Finding love had given him the courage to live, and the will to want to live. He couldn't give up on that love. Not now.
He wouldn't allow himself to give up. Not when happiness was so close within his grasp. Not when he'd found the kind of happiness he'd thought that he would never have.
He wouldn't let pessimism turn his illness into self-fulfilling prophecy. Cancer wasn't a death sentence. A lot of people beat it, and he intended to be one of them.
He had to beat it, Lee told himself. Not just for himself, but for Will. He couldn't die and leave Will alone, not when his love had spent all of his life feeling alone. He wouldn't be one more person who had abandoned Will. Just the thought of how WIll would feel if he was gone ripped him apart inside.
So today had been a bad day, and he felt awful. He had known going into this drug trial that there would be days like this. He'd been prepared for it.
The two of them had a wedding to plan, and he couldn't let the bad days get him so down that they took him over. There would be good days, too. Hopefully, more good ones than bad ones.
Every day would be good, just because he had Will by his side.
Just thinking about the fact that he was going to marry Will brought a smile to Lee's face; he couldn't hold back the rush of happiness that leapt through him.
Will Graham was going to be his husband. Will wanted to marry him. They would spend the rest of their lives together, and with any luck, they would be long, happy lives.
He wouldn't dwell on his illness, or how rotten he felt at the moment. That was useless, and it would only bring him down. It wouldn't do him any good, either. It would only make him unhappy, and that wasn't what he wanted -- or needed -- to focus on at the moment.
He needed to concentrate on the happiness that lay in his future, not the uncertainty. He wouldn't let negativity turn the disease that he lived with every day into self-fulfilling prophecy.
Will deserved better than someone who always looked on the dark side. He would concentrate on the good things in his life, and on making Will happy. His love deserved that.
And so did he, Lee told himself firmly. They both deserved to be happy.
They would be, he promised himself. He would make sure that they were. He wouldn't let this disease beat him. He would fight until the very last breath of life within him was exhaled.
He and Will would plan their wedding, and they would get married. They would have a happy life together, and if the spectre of his cancer hung over them at times, well, then they would deal with it. But they would fight it and beat it back, and get on with their lives.
He was determined that they would have the happiness they deserved. He wasn't under a death sentence; he still had a lot of living to do. He wouldn't give in. He would be strong.
He would be strong, and he would win in the end. For Will. And .... for himself.
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