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Title: Sins of the Past
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Prompt: #522, All my sins remembered
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue. soar
***Hannibal leaned forward and steepled his fingers beneath his chin, frowning as he did so. It wasn't often these days that he thought of what he did as "sins," but the question that Will had put to him last night had made him think, and had kept him up all night as well.
"Do you remember all of your past sins?"
He wouldn't identify anything he did as a sin; to him, all of his actions were explainable. They were what he needed to do, what he had been born to do. Nothing about them was wrong, not to his own way of thinking -- though society would say that he was abominable.
Will would probably think that, too, if he was privy to all of Hannibal's secrets. He sighed softly, sitting back in his chair and closing his eyes.
He didn't want to acknowledge that Will would turn away from him if he knew those secrets that Hannibal kept so carefully hidden. He couldn't bear to think of the disgust in those sapphire eyes; he didn't want to think that Will could ever be his enemy.
Why was that? Hannibal asked himself. Was he coming to care too much for this young man? Was he actually starting to want Will to be a part of his life?
That could be dangerous. Far too dangerous to contemplate.
But still, it was a delicious thought, one that he found it impossible to turn away from. Of course, Will was already a part of his life, but only as a friend, colleague, and something of a patient. Hannibal wanted to make Will's presence in his life much more pronounced.
He wanted to make Will Graham his lover. Or, rather, he wanted to make the young man his sexual partner. That was more the truth of the matter, Hannibal mused. He had no intention of granting Will a title like that of "lover." It made them sound far too close.
Too close, yes. And too equal, which was something that he could never let anyone be, even if they were involved in a personal relationship.
The moment he did that, then he was no longer safe. He would have let his carefully cultivated mask slip, and then it would be all too easy for him to confess his sins. No, he could never let anyone, not even Will, see behind that mask.
Still, the idea of making Will his sexual plaything was impossible to resist.
He had already laid the groundwork for that to happen. Will was mesmerized by him; he could tell from the way the young man watched him when he thought Hannibal wasn't looking. The longing looks thrown in his direction, the slight physical signals that Will gave off.
The increased heart rate,attested to by the quickening of Will's breathing when they were seated across from each other during those impromptu psychiatric sessions. The dilation of his eyes whenever their gazes met -- which, admittedly, wasn't often.
Will still had a hard time making eye contact with him, even though they had talked quite a bit, and he'd begun to think that he had gained the young man's trust.
They would have to work on that. As he had often told Will, no relationship could function without trust; if he was serious about taking Will to his bed, he would have to be sure that Will trusted him. Perhaps not a complete trust, not yet. But that would come.
Even with that trust, the idea was still fraught with danger.
But that was what made the idea of taking Will to his bed so exciting, Hannibal argued with himself as he leaned forward again and rested his elbows on the desk. Knowing that he could be exposed -- and knowing what would have to come next if he was.
He frowned at the thought; that was an idea that he didn't like. He didn't want to have to get rid of Will. Killing him would bring no pleasure, no release.
No, he wanted Will in his life for a very long time to come. Killing him wasn't the ultimate goal; Hannibal wasn't exactly sure just what that goal was. But whatever it could be, his own pleasure would be assured if he could bring Will to his bed willingly.
There were times when he wondered if it could work out for him to bring Will into his world, to let the young man know exactly who he was, with no deceptions and no masks. It would be lovely if he could confess all of his doings to Will, to share his private world.
He could never do that, and he knew it. But it was a nice little dream.
Hannibal sighed softly, shaking his head. Will would obviously look at what he did as being sins, even if he swore that they were all in the past and he would never do it again. Will would say that he had to be brought to justice; that was just the sort of person he was.
He respected that, really. He loved that Will was such an intrinsically good person, always more ready to turn towards the light than the darkness. It was one of the reasons why he had fallen for Will -- because he wanted to see if he could corrupt that light.
That would be his greatest achievement, if he could manage it. To bring Will Graham over to the darkness that he inhabited, and to make Will relish that darkness.
Would it be possible? Could he do such a thing? Hannibal wasn't at all sure that he could, but something within him couldn't turn down the idea of a challenge. And Will certainly represented a challenge, in so many differing ways.
There was one thought that appealed to him more than any other.
What he wanted to do was to confess all of those past sins to Will, and tell him that they were firmly sins of the past. He wanted to put himself in Will's hands, to assure the young man that nothing like those sins would ever happen again, to trust Will to protect him.
Would Will do so? Or would that intrinsically good side of him insist that Hannibal turn himself in? Could he trust Will, or would he be betrayed?
A part of him wanted so badly to take that risk, to refer to his actions as his sins of the past, and to tell Will that he had already atoned for them many times over. He wanted to see if he could win Will over to his side, if darkness could overcome light.
But of course, he couldn't do so. It was far too dangerous, and he knew it. Will would never allow him to go free if he knew what lay in the freezers in this very house.
It was better for Will never to know, for him to think that Hannibal was just like other people, that he didn't have a dark side that drove him to do things that most people would find abhorrent. No, Will would never be able to understand. It wasn't in his nature.
He would never turn completely away from the light.
And he would never believe that what he perceived as Hannibal's sins were in the past. Not if he knew about them. Will was far too intelligent for that.
The "sins" that Will perceived his actions as being would never be sins of the past. He had to do those things to live; they were a part of who he was. If he didn't commit what others might see as atrocities, then he wouldn't be the person he was.
More than anything, Hannibal liked who he was. And before too much longer, he was going to make sure that Will Graham liked who he was just as much as he did.
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