Title: Stunned
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: #580, Stun
Author's Note: Sequel to "A Symbol of Desire."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
He felt stunned, as though he'd been hit by a speeding train.Will silently put his clothes back on, avoiding Hannibal's gaze. His skin felt tender and sensitive, as though he'd been out in the sun too long with no sunscreen.
Well, he had, hadn't he? He didn't think he'd have sunburn, but there were other slight aches that he was sure would be with him for a while, aches that he wasn't used to feeling.
He had expected his first time to hurt -- and in a way, it had. But while it had been happening, there had been no pain, only the wondrous discovery of what it could feel like to meld with another person, to let those sensations take over his body. It was only now that he was feeling pain.
He should have expected that, shouldn't he? Will asked himself. He had known that giving up his virginity was going to come at some physical cost.
But it wasn't just physical pain he was feeling, even though that was the most pressing of the aches he felt. There was more to it than just the twinges of his body.
He'd given up a part of himself that he could never get back again.
He still wasn't sure that he'd done the right thing -- or that he'd even done what he wanted to do. He was so mixed up, so unsure of what he desired.
Yes, he had wanted Hannibal. Especially in those moments when the other man was touching and kissing him, in that time that their bodies had been locked together. Then, he had wanted what was happening more than he had ever wanted anything, and he'd had no doubts whatsoever.
It was only now, in the cold, clear light of full consciousness, that he felt he might have made a mistake by giving his body to someone that he didn't entirely trust.
Will sighed softly as he buttoned up his shirt, trying to sort through his emotions.
What did he expect, really? In truth, he didn't trust anyone completely. He trusted Hannibal more than most, but there was still a barrier between them, and probably always would be.
He couldn't expect that barrier to suddenly come crumbling down simply because of the physical act that had taken place between the two of them. Yes, there was a burgeoning physical relationship here, and possibly an emotional one as well, but he still wasn't ready to give his complete trust.
That was something he expected to be earned, not merely given. And even with this new physicality between them, it would be a while before Hannibal earned that trust.
For the moment, he still felt stunned, and not quite as though he was fully in this world. His head felt fuzzy, his senses dulled. He needed a cold shower.
Well, no, maybe not that. But he needed something to bring him back fully into the world, to dissipate this feeling of being disoriented. It wasn't a feeling that he particularly liked; he hated knowing that his senses were scattered, that he wasn't thinking clearly or functioning at full capacity.
Hannibal was silent as the two of them dressed; he packed up the picnic basket while Will sat there, staring out at the lake, watching ripples form in the water and then vanish.
He wanted to ask Hannibal what he was thinking, but he didn't dare.
Did Hannibal feel as stunned by what had happened as he did? No, he couldn't possibly feel that way, Will told himself. After all, he had planned for this to happen.
Will didn't doubt for a second that Hannibal had intended for this .... seduction to take place. He'd come here with the full intention of them making love, and that was why he'd brought all of the implements of seduction with him. He'd gotten what he wanted; now, Will couldn't help but wonder why he'd done this.
Had Hannibal simply wanted him so badly that he couldn't hold back any longer? No, he didn't think that was the reason. There was more behind his seduction and deflowering than mere desire.
But he was certain that Hannibal wouldn't reveal his reasons.
The two of them walked back to the house together, both of them silent, lost in their own thoughts. Will wasn't sure what to say; he didn't have words for how he was feeling.
He wanted to ask Hannibal to leave, so he could take a shower and spend some time alone sorting out his thoughts, but that would be rude. He had no idea where they went from here.
However, Hannibal solved the problem for him, turning to him as they entered the front yard. "Will, I believe that both of us have a great deal to think about." His voice was soft, his dark gaze searching Will's face. "I'll leave you now, but I hope to see you soon. Perhaps tomorrow?"
Will nodded and managed to smile; he was surprised when Hannibal raised a hand to caress his cheek, then leaned forward to brush a kiss across his parted lips.
He watched as the man who had so suddenly become his lover walked to his car, got in and started the ignition, then drove away, raising his hand slightly to wave goodbye.
When he turned and walked into the house, he felt more stunned than ever.
What did that last kiss mean? Hannibal hadn't mentioned anything about their future, but that kiss made Will feel as if there was hope for the two of them.
Was that what Hannibal wanted? More importantly, was it what he wanted? He wasn't sure at this point. His mind was still trying to wrap itself around what had happened, and his body was feeling the aftereffects of their lovemaking more than ever. He was in no shape to think about the future now.
Going into the house, he walked up the steps slowly, heading into the bathroom and undressing, then turning on the shower and stepping inside to raise his face to the warm spray.
He had a lot to think about, and some important decisions to make before he saw Hannibal again.
***
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