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Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: Sequel to "Etude."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
The symphony of their relationship had been so wonderful.
Every day had been a joyful one; he had woken in the morning with a smile on his face, looking forward to seeing his love at some point, knowing that they would be together.
The days when he had awakened in Hannibal's arms were the best ones; those were the days that had been utter bliss, when they had spent hours in bed.
There had been so much love between them then, the symphony of their bodies, hearts and souls playing out in what had seemed like a blissful dream. Will knew that those days had been precious ones; he wished that he had appreciated them even more then they had been happening.
But how could he have known that their symphony would come to an end? He had been foolish, allowing himself to believe that the two of them could last forever.
He hadn't known what a monster Hannibal was at the time. He had trusted the man he loved, believing that Hannibal was a good person, someone worth loving and being with.
He had been so wrong. If only he had known.
Will turned over in bed, closing his eyes and wishing that he could fall into a deep sleep, a sleep that would obliterate all of his thoughts for the rest of the night.
Of course, that was impossible. Even in his sleep, he thought of Hannibal. He dreamed of his former lover, unable to keep the other man out of his mind. Hannibal seemed to have seeped into the fabric of his being, permeating his life in every possible way.
He only wanted to forget the time that they had spent together, all that they had shared. He didn't want to remember how joyous their symphony had been.
He didn't want to remember how happy his life had been with Hannibal.
If he thought about that, then he would feel that he had nothing ahead of him, nothing to look forward to. He would look back at the past forever, and mourn for it.
That wouldn't be healthy for him, and in his heart, Will knew it. But it was so hard not to look back at that past, to wonder what it could have been like if he hadn't found out about Hannibal. Would he have continued to be blind to the truth, to be happy, to let that symphony play itself out?
Probably, he thought with a sigh. Ignorance really was bliss; he was certainly proof of that. He'd been so happy, thinking that his life was complete.
Until it had all come crashing down around him, and he'd found out just what he had been loving. The love hadn't died, not completely, but it had certainly dimmed.
He couldn't blame himself for that. No one could continue to love as fiercely as he had once they had known the full, unadulterated truth about who they loved. There was no way that he could forgive Hannibal for all that he had done, all the evil that he had perpetuated.
There was no coming back from that. Even if Hannibal were still a free man, Will knew that their relat8ionship, if it had continued, could never have been the same.
Their symphony had come to an abrupt and crashing halt.
If he was brutally honest with himself, he missed that symphony. He wanted it back. But that was impossible; there was no way to go back to the past.
And would he, even if he could? Will sighed, punching his pillow in frustration. No, he wouldn't. Even if it were possible to do so, he knew too much about Hannibal now, knew too many things that would make it impossible to see his love in the same way ever again.
He would never be able to love Hannibal in the same that he had loved him before. He wanted to; he really did. But it wasn't within his capabilities.
Too much knowledge had destroyed what they could have had.
The thought made him want to scream, to cry, to rail about the unfairness of life. But life was never fair, was it? He had come to know long ago that he couldn't expect that.
All he could expect was for life to throw him into different situations, and for himself to make the best of whatever fate decided to put into his path.
That was all anyone could do, he told himself with a soft sigh. Life gave everyone trials and tribulations to deal with; he was no different from anyone else. He just wished that his personal trials hadn't had to affect his emotional state, that they hadn't taken away the one person he had ever truly loved.
But he wouldn't let this destroy him. He was stronger than that; he'd been strong before, and he would be now. He would get through this, as hard as it might be.
He had already accepted the fact that his symphony with Hannibal was over. Now he had to move forward with his life, to let go of the past, and try to make a future for himself.
Though that was far easier said than done.
How did you erase someone from your heart who you had thought would be there forever? It was impossible to just let those memories die away completely.
And it was impossible to forget that symphony, that perfect dance of happiness that he had thought would never end. It was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done to get that out of his mind and heart, to push it into the back of his life, to go on without it for the rest of his days.
He would do it, Will knew. Somehow, he would manage to turn his back on that symphony, on that perfect happiness that had been within his grasp for such a short time.
But he would mourn it for the rest of his life, and beyond.
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