Main Hannibal Fan Fiction page | new stories page | Will/Hannibal slash page | other pairings page | gen stories page
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: Sequel to "Start of the Breakdown."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Will awakened slowly, opening his eyes to a bleary, fuzzy world. He raised a hand to rub at his eyes; nothing around him looked familiar, and for a moment, he thought he was in his room at the hospital.
It took him a few moments to remember that he was now in Hannibal's house, that the older man had refused to let him go back home to Wolf Trap. His doctors had agreed, saying that he didn't need to be alone in case he needed anyone's help.
Will had been annoyed with that attitude, but he'd had to admit that he wasn't really looking forward to being alone in Wolf Trap, either. Of course, he'd have the dogs to keep him company, but that wasn't the same as having a person around.
And as weak as he felt now, he needed someone here with him.
Hannibal wasn't treating him like an invalid; he'd given Will the run of the house. He could do anything he chose to do; he could stay in bed, or he could spend time in the library, or the garden behind the house. He had much more mobility than he had in the hospital.
He wanted to be at home in some ways, but in others, he was glad to be here. Though he wouldn't be staying long; he was sure of that.
He didn't want to presume on Hannibal's hospitality. Somehow, it didn't feel quite right to be staying here, taking up space in one of the spare bedrooms on the second floor of Hannibal's house. While he didn't feel distinctly uncomfortable, it wasn't easy for him, either.
He knew that Hannibal was concerned about him, not only about his physical well-being, but his mental and emotional state. He wanted to tell his lover that he was fine, that he would recover from everything that had happened at a rapid rate.
However, he was unsure of just how quickly he could get past this.
It wasn't as though he was pulling away from Hannibal, Will told himself. He still wanted the other man; he still considered them lovers. But Hannibal hadn't touched him in a sexual way since the day he'd come here from the hospital, and Will wondered if he would.
Was Hannibal waiting for some kind of sign that he was ready for sexual contact? Was he the one who would have to make the first move?
He couldn't bring himself to do that. Yes, he still wanted Hannibal, but a part of him shrank from the idea of being touched. It was as though he could still feel those unwanted hands on his body, as if he could still feel the pain of being taken against his will.
The memory made him shudder; he didn't want to think about it, but it came back to haunt him, in both his dreams and in his waking hours. It was hard for him to reconcile himself to the fact that sooner or later, he would have to let himself be touched again.
Will had never felt so conflicted in his life.
He wanted Hannibal to touch him, wanted their relationship to go back to how it had been before. He didn't think that he could live for the rest of his life feeling as though he was once again behind a wall, separated from everyone else, on the outside looking in.
Hannibal had changed all of that the first time they'd had sex. From that moment on, Will had known who he belonged to; he'd felt more alive than ever before.
But there had also been that element of uneasiness that had never left him; he still didn't feel that their relationship was quite on an even keel. Hannibal would always have the upper hand, and there were times when he didn't like the feeling of being controlled.
Still, what could he expect with Hannibal? His lover wasn't a man who would turn over the reins of that control easily; he wasn't the kind of person who could be dominated. Will accepted that; he wasn't exactly a dominant personality.
He was satisfied with their relationship as it was.
But his kidnapping and rape had driven a wedge between them, one that he was afraid he couldn't erase. He didn't want them to be like this; he wanted to be able to go to Hannibal and give the other man his body, to take pleasure in their joining.
But something held him back, a fear of being hurt, of being betrayed. Will didn't know why that feeling grew stronger every day; he only knew that it did.
How could he feel that way? Why did he feel that way? Hannibal was the person who had come to his rescue; if not for Hannibal, he would be lying dead on that basement floor. He probably wouldn't even have been found yet.
Hannibal had offered to let him stay here, and was taking care of him. But still, there was a niggling doubt at the back of Will's mind that there was something not quite right about this, that maybe his lover really didn't have his best interests at heart.
Though he had no earthly idea why he should feel that way.
He was just being paranoid, he told himself firmly. Hannibal only wanted the best for him; his lover was concerned about him and didn't want him being alone all the way out in Wolf Trap, with no company but his dogs, away from people who cared about him.
People? That was a laugh, Will thought with an inward snort. The only person around here who cared about him was Hannibal. Jack had made it clear that he just wanted Will to get to the point where he could come back to work again.
Jack didn't care about him. The people he worked with were just casual acquaintances. Hannibal was really his only friend, the only person who truly cared for him.
That thought shouldn't make him feel so uneasy, but it did. He shouldn't feel that way about the man who was his friend and lover. He should feel more comfortable here, as though he belonged. But he didn't. He felt distinctly as though he was in some kind of danger.
Was it only his recent experience that had made him feel this way?
It had to be, Will told himself firmly. There was no other reason for him to feel like this; he knew that the man who had become his lover such a short time ago didn't mean him any harm. Hannibal didn't want to hurt him; he was only trying to help.
But that uneasy feeling persisted; it wasn't going to just go away, not until he talked to Hannibal and managed to calm his irrational fears.
Sighing, Will kicked back the covers and swung his legs out of bed, taking a deep breath as he stood up. He would have to face this conversation sometime, and it might as well be now. The sooner he did it, then the sooner his uneasiness would hopefully melt away.
- Main Hannibal Fan Fiction page
- new stories page
- Will/Hannibal slash page
- other pairings page
- gen stories page