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Title: Fall Victim
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: One-shot.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Will gazed at himself in the mirror, blinking at his reflection. He wasn't sure if he liked what he saw; he hadn't been looking at himself in the same light lately that he usually did, and he was beginning to feel that the self he saw in the mirror was a stranger.
That person who looked back at him out of the glass was more of a stranger with each passing day. He almost didn't recognize himself in that reflection at all.
He could lay that fact at Hannibal's door. Because of his involvement with his enigmatic psychiatrist, he was becoming more a stranger to himself, even as it seemed that Hannibal was coming to know him better. Will wasn't sure he was comfortable with that fact.
He was losing his hold on his identity, piece by piece.
Was that what Hannibal had intended? No, he couldn't think that way. He couldn't keep being suspicious of every person in his life; he had lost too many friendships because of that, and he didn't want Hannibal to walk out of his life because of his own paranoia.
The last thing he needed to do was to push away the one person who truly seemed to understand him, the one person who could empathize with how his work made him feel. Hannibal was the only person he could talk to, the only one he could go to for help.
Of course, these days, they did more than talk. Will could feel the burning blush suffuse his cheeks even before he saw the evidence of it in the mirror; the embarrassment took him by surprise. He'd thought that he was past feeling embarrassed by now.
The things he let Hannibal do to him didn't embarrass him -- at least not when he was alone like this. They'd only do that if he had to discuss them with someone else.
Hannibal wasn't embarrassed by anything they'd done -- and he probably wouldn't be ashamed to talk about it with other people, either. But then, he wasn't the one who was on the receiving end of their activities, Will told himself dryly.
It was easier for Hannibal than it was for him. He wasn't used to this.
He had never expected to become sexually involved with a man. He had never expected to let a man take his virginity -- and to fall victim to that man's charisma, his undeniable charm. He hadn't expected to feel himself falling for that man in every possible way.
Yet, even as he felt that he was falling head over heels for the man who was now his lover, he couldn't help feeling that Hannibal was keeping secrets from him, that his lover held back things about himself that Will needed to know about.
He tried to ignore that little voice that seemed to pop up all too often in the back of his mind, telling him that there was something not quite right about their relationship.
Instead, he had let himself fall victim to Hannibal's charm -- and the fascination that the other man held for him. He didn't know just why he felt so drawn to Hannibal -- but for Will, it was enough that the attraction existed. He didn't need to question it.
Sighing softly, he looked down at his hands, gripping the countertop as though he was holding on for dear life. Maybe he was. Maybe he needed to grip onto something solid and real when he wasn't with Hannibal. When they were apart, the world seemed so .... ephemeral.
Nothing seemed to fall into place as it should when he wasn't with Hannibal. It was as though there was a thin veil between himself and the rest of the world -- he could see in, but no one could see him -- at least, they couldn't see who he really was.
Of course, he usually wanted to keep himself hidden away.
It was safer that way, Will reflected wryly. When he kept his real self hidden behind a veil of pretense, then he didn't have to make himself feel. He could simply be numb to the world, to everything he had to see and deal with every day when he was working.
Hannibal forced him to feel. Hannibal brought him out of himself for the brief times that they were together, when their bodies were joined in the most primal need.
Will wasn't sure if that had been a good thing or not -- because now, he felt the need to let those barriers he'd always kept so tightly around himself crumble to the ground, to let others see him for who he really was. He didn't want to hide in the shadows any longer.
It was hard to step out into the light, to let the people around him look into his world. But Will knew that the longer he kept himself hidden away, the more difficult it would be to let anyone in -- and he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone.
No one had ever wanted to take those steps into the world he lived in. No one but Hannibal. Even if others had said that they wanted to know what made him tick, they had always backed away before he'd had the chance to let those barriers fall.
No one had ever really gotten close to him before. No one but Hannibal.
As hard as it had been to let those barriers down, he'd done it. He had opened himself to Hannibal, literally and figuratively -- and in the process, he'd fallen victim to the charms of the man who had somehow managed to find a way into his heart and soul.
Maybe it had been a mistake to let Hannibal in, but he didn't want to think so. He'd like to think that Hannibal had fallen victim to something about him, as well.
He wanted to believe that Hannibal might have the same strong feelings for him. There had been times when they were both caught in the throes of passion when he had been sure that he was more to Hannibal than just a warm body to fuck, more than just some kind of experiment.
There had been something in Hannibal's eyes when the other man looked at him, something that hinted he might be falling victim as well.
Will wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that he could have the same effect on his lover that Hannibal had on him. But now, as he stood here looking into the mirror, that was hard to believe. Still, there had to be something that drew Hannibal in his direction.
Whatever that something was, it was a mystery to him. Maybe he would never know just what it was that had brought them together, but he was grateful for it. Hannibal had brought meaning into a life that had started to become very cold and lonely, a life that he hadn't been sure he wanted.
Now, everything had changed. Hannibal had given him a new lease on life.
He didn't know what the other man saw in him, but whatever it was, Will hoped that Hannibal kept seeing it, and that his lover's fascination with him never faded away.
There might be aspects of their relationship that worried him -- even frightened him at times -- but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from the mirror, ignoring the slight tremor of his hands that had started with that last thought.
Yes, there was something about his deepening relationship with Hannibal that made him uneasy, though he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. But he wasn't going to let it bother him. Not tonight. He would think about it later, when he felt more able to think clearly.
There were all sorts of reasons why he shouldn't be with Hannibal, but he didn't want to let them crowd into his mind at the moment. Maybe he would bring those reasons into focus and look through them later, but for now, he just wanted to let them lie dormant for a while.
Tonight, he was going to spend time with Hannibal, and forget about the world around him.
They would be together, and he would once again let himself fall victim to whatever hold it was that Hannibal seemed to have over his body and soul.
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