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Title: King of Wishful Thinking
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Prompt: #528, Barriers
Author's Note: One-shot.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Hannibal was leaning over him, those lips only a scant inch away from his own. Hannibal was going to kiss him -- not just his lips, but his entire body.
There was no other reason for him to be naked.
And Hannibal was going to do so much more than just kiss him -- Hannibal was going to make love to him, to make him squirm and moan, to take him to the heights of pleasure. And he would be caught up in those strong arms when he floated back down to earth again.
Will sighed, opening his eyes to look up at the ceililng above his bed. These were the kinds of dreams that he was having on a regular basis, dreams that followed him out of his sleep and into his waking hours, dreams that he never wanted to end.
He couldn't pull his thoughts away from Hannibal, from the two of them kissing, touching, making love. He couldn't stop thinking about being with the other man.
Did Hannibal think about him in the same way?
Will sighed again, this time more heavily. He doubted that Hannibal even thought of him when he wasn't around, much less thought of him in an erotic way. He was a friend, yes; but he didn't think that Hannibal saw him in any other way.
Well, Hannibal did see him as a patient, as someone that he wanted to help. That was better than nothing, really. At least it showed that Hannibal cared about him.
But that wasn't the way that Will wanted him to care. He wanted Hannibal to think of him as a lover, as someone who he wanted to be with in the romantic sense. He wanted Hannibal to see him as someone he could spend the rest of his life with.
Will snorted aloud, shaking his head slightly. That wasn't going to happen. He wasn't the kind of person who Hannibal would want to be involved with; he had far too many neuroses. Hannibal could have anyone he wanted; he wouldn't want Will.
That thought just depressed him. He pushed it away.
Yet he couldn't get that idea out of his head. There were too many reasons for Hannibal not to want him, too many reasons why they couldn't be together, reasons that made Will want to bury his face in the pillow and sob out his frustration.
It wasn't fair. No one who wanted another person was badly as he did should be doomed to never have the object of their affection return their feelings.
Yet what could he do? There were far too many barriers set up between himself and Hannibal, far too many things that could keep them from being together, even if Hannibal wanted that just as badly as he did. There were too many chasms that they couldn't leap over.
For one thing, Hannibal was technically his psychiatrist. If they were to form a more personal relationship, Hannibal could be in serious trouble. He could be accused of seducing Will, and he could be brought up on charges, his career destroyed.
Will would never do that. But others might.
There were people who would try to put up even more barriers between the two of them, people who didn't want to see Hannibal happy. People who thought that Hannibal wasn't the person who Will should be with, who had warned him to beware of the older man.
He wouldn't listen to them. He didn't believe that Hannibal had any dark intentions when it came to hm; he didn't think Hannibal had any intentions towards him at all, other than to be his friend.
Friendship wasn't what he wanted, or what he needed. Yes, it was great that Hannibal was willing to be his friend and seemed to enjoy spending time with him. But he needed more than friendship from the other man; he needed to be .... swept away.
He needed Hannibal's love. Or, at the very least, his desire.
Maybe it was crazy to hope that could happen. Maybe he was just being the king of wishful thinking to even hold on to the belief that Hannibal could care about him in any way other than friendship. But he had to hold on to that hope. There were days when it kept him going.
When he could lie here like this and dream about Hannibal, let himself slide away into the fantasy that the two of them could be together, that Hannibal could be his lover, then all was right with the world -- or at least with the dream world he slipped into.
Those dreams weren't real; he knew that. It was driven home to him all too forcibly when he came back to the real world, and those fantasies faded away.
Those barriers that kept them apart were even more pronounced when he studied them in the cold light of day, without his fantasies of Hannibal getting in the way. It seemed impossible that they could ever be a couple, or even that Hannibal could want to be.
But there were things that made him think otherwise.
Will was sure that he had seen Hannibal looking at him with desire in his eyes more than once, before the other man had looked away. He had felt Hannibal's gaze on him, the heat in that gaze making the nape of his neck prickle with the knowledge that he was being watched.
There were times when he wasn't sure what Hannibal thought of him, and other times when he was sure that Hannibal wanted him with a burning intensity.
But how was he going to discover if what he suspected was true? Will bit his lip, going over possibilities in his mind. The only thing he could really do was talk with Hannibal, and at some point, simply ask him what his feelings were.
Yes, that was more than likely what he would have to do. Take the bull by the horns, so to speak, confront Hannibal with the question. He might be disappointed with the answer, but at least he would know. There would be no more wondering.
He had to find out, one way or the other.
If he was lucky, maybe those barriers would finally come down all the way. Will felt that some of them were gone already, but there were still too many, still too much that kept him from Hannibal. He wanted to demolish those barriers completely.
Until he did, he knew that he wouldn't be happy. He would keep being the king of wishful thinking, rather than being a man who took action to get what he wanted.
He wouldn't be that man. He wouldn't be indecisive, always holding back, unsure of how to go for what was going to make him happy. He'd spent his life doing that; it was time to throw off those chains of indecision and move forward, make his own happiness.
It was time to reach out for what he wanted.
Those barriers would break down. They would come crumbling to the ground, and he would finally have the answer he'd been seeking.
With that decision made, he felt better. Will sighed again, closing his eyes and turning over onto his side. He hoped that he would be able to sleep tonight, and that in the following few days, the fantasies that he had about Hannibal would be on their way to becoming reality.
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