Master and the Wolf |
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Amazon.com - The World of Harry Potter
Amazon.co.uk - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2 Disc Special Edition) [2007] |
Title: Carnal Knowledge Author: Busaikko E-Mail: busaikkobaby at yahoo.com Beta-Readers: Vaughn and MajinSakuko, who did wonderful work, all mistakes are mine (but the story was a lot worse before!) Disclaimer: I own nothing, JKR everything else Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: SS/RL (past RL/SB) Spoilers: All books through OotP (written May 05, so makes for a VERY WEIRD interpretation of HBP but--try it! It (kinda) works if, Dear Reader, you will permit me to insert this story between the end of OotP and HBP. Much less improbable than the, er, other events, let me tell you.) Rating: NC17 (for sex at the drop of a hat: "Look! A hat!" "Good-let's have sex!") Genre/s: Humour, hurt/comfort Warning/s: none Summary: For Master and the Wolf Fourth Wave, Challenge 236: Bodyswitch! Featuring snarky!Remus and sensitive!Severus, with guest appearance by incoherent!Harry. Also including Challenge 158 (Snape's mind is inside Lupin's body during a full moon night) and Challenge 191 (Virgin!Severus).
"...and of course the clear and certain truth no man has seen nor will there be anyone who knows about the gods and what I say about all things. For even if, in the best case, one happened to speak just of what has been brought to pass, still he himself would not know. But opinion is allotted to all." (Xenophanes)
Part 1: The clear and certain truth
Remus groaned, rolled over, and looked himself in the eyes. "This is very wrong." His eyes blinked at him. "I find myself unable to move a muscle, but rest assured, if I were capable, I would run, screaming out of sheer unfathomable horror." Yes, that low scratchy voice was his, all right. Remus raised a shaking hand to his face. Someone's hand. A hand with long, pale fingers, fingernails bluntly cut and stained. A delicate hand, a precision instrument. But definitely not his own hand. His own hand was lying over there, rather limply, near his own face. "What on earth did you do?" "You're in my body, Lupin, I think I ought to be asking the questions." Remus pushed himself up to all fours, panting with the effort. Getting tangled up in the enveloping black robes did not help, but he didn't have enough finger coordination to undo the clasps and buttons. "I think you shouldn't have smashed me over the head with that stone idol. Especially since-bugger-it's now in pieces." He could recall some of the argument that had led up to this most unfortunate state of affairs. Severus had been ranting about cleaning the Grimmauld house again; he'd retorted with some cliche along the lines of "I would not say such things if I were you." "Well, you just try being me and see how you like it," Severus had snarled, and dropped his end of the shelf, tipping its contents down with disastrous effect. (Remus also recalled muttering "Fuck you" seconds before the rock hit his scull, but that couldn't possibly be relevant.) "Lupin-I can't see properly. Everything's gone all brown." "My body's colour-blind." "As soon as I can move I'm going to kill you." "Ah-it's a werewolf thing. We often feel aggressive for no reason. Hormones." "I think I have reason." Severus pushed himself up to sitting and touched his head gingerly. "Damn, but this hurts." "Yes, you probably concussed me with that idol. Don't worry-it'll heal in a few hours. But healing will make you really hungry. It's worst when you're absolutely starving but also nauseous from pain." Severus turned green. "Bathroom, Lupin." They managed the ten metre stagger quite well, Remus thought, considering his legs were a good hand's-length too long (and Severus' were too short), and both of them were still shocky from the Curse of the Stone Idol. He rubbed his back firmly as Severus lost both lunch and, oh dear, the dreadful bowlful of instant noodles he'd had instead of a proper tea. Not for the first time he wondered if he was the only werewolf in history to have such a weak stomach. Ravening beast, indeed. Feeling sorry, if not for Severus at least for his poor body, he wet a flannel and rubbed the back of Severus' neck (where the tension always stuck) and his face, making sure to sweep up all that annoying hair. Nothing worse than being sick with hair in your face. Severus made a sweeping circular motion with his arm, and Remus helped him to his feet. He rinsed and spat, looked at his face full on for a minute in which Remus thoroughly expected to see breakfast appear, and then sank down onto the toilet lid. "We tell no one." Severus coughed to bring back his voice. "No one. With any luck, we will be finished with this grotesquery before anyone needs to find out." He held out a hand for the flannel and pressed it to the back of his neck. Remus rubbed at his arm, where there was a constant tingle of magic from the Dark Mark. "How long can we hide this... situation?" Severus shook his head carefully. "Classes start in four days. Full moon on the 23rd. The Dark Lord could summon you at any time." He sighed. "It's not a good schedule." "We need to tell Albus. At the least, he needs to know his new Potions Master passed the potions O.W.L. by one question. He could help." Severus stood. "It is humiliating and I hate it, but you're right." Leaning on each other as much as possible without really touching, they somehow made their way down the hall to the library fireplace. "Hogwarts' Headmaster's Office."
"Lupin!" Remus buried his head in the pillow. It smelt wrong. "Lupin, you lazy bastard, get up!" The angry voice was accompanied by banging on the door. Remus groaned. He remembered now. He remembered as he stumbled on too-long legs, as the fine-boned hand unlocked and yanked open the door. "What the hell do you want, Severus?" Remus took a dark pleasure in the open shock on Severus' (my, damn it) face. "Put some clothes on." "You can't honestly be upset by your own naked body, can you?" Severus was wearing Lupin's good dark trousers and a dark shirt (maybe green, Remus thought) buttoned to the neck. Remus' shoes were polished. "You frighten me," Remus muttered, stretching and shrugging as he snagged Severus' trousers from the back of the chair. He pulled them on and buttoned them up. "There. I'm decent. What did you knock me up for?" Severus clenched his jaw and waved in frustration at the tangle of grey and brown that appeared to defy gravity. "Your hair, Lupin, is an atrocity." "Bed-head. Wet-comb it." He sighed at Severus' look of blank incomprehension. "Right. Come with me." Remus stalked down the hall to the upstairs loo. He banged down the toilet lid. "Sit. Sit, it's my damn hair, I'll fix it." He ran his comb under the tap and grabbed a handful of hair, holding it tightly so that the comb wouldn't pull. "You should have combed it out before you went to bed. Otherwise it knots up." "I should have just removed it, along with your damn whiskers." Remus worked the comb gently through the lower half of his hair; then, satisfied that it was tangle-free, he began on the top. It was oddly soothing, as long as he didn't make the mistake of looking at Severus' face, which was tense with anger. "There. I suggest tying it back." "Just do it." Remus pulled his hair back and wrapped it with his usual elastic. "That should keep it out of your face." Severus stood and looked stonily at himself in the mirror. Remus tried a tentative sweep of the comb through the lanky black hair that fell around his face. It was like a hot knife through butter. Not one knot. He looked at Severus and raised an eyebrow. "That's amazing." "Greasy, horrible, and disgusting are the usual adjectives." Severus flicked his wand and cast a Datsuge Charm on Remus' chin. "There. Try to keep me clean-shaven. Go get dressed." "I am dressed. I am now going to go drink coffee until I wake up." And he stalked off before Severus could open his mouth. Moody found them in the kitchen when he arrived, beating ashes out of his cloak. Severus Snape was barefoot and shirtless, sitting on the drainboard, swinging his legs, and drinking coffee. Remus Lupin sat at the table, his back rigid, a pot of tea and three-quarters of an orange before him, nose buried in the Daily Prophet. Both men looked up as he stomped in. Snape grinned and hopped (hopped!) down from his perch. "Coffee, Alastor?" He snagged a mug from the cupboard and filled it, pressing it into Moody's hands. "Sit. Can I get you something to eat? We've got fruit, kippers, Weetabix-although I think the mice've been at them-eggs...?" Lupin glowered at him from over the top of the paper. "Moody. I assume Dumbledore has explained our execrable predicament." Moody sank down onto a spindly kitchen chair, looking from one man to the other. "Holy fuck. Do you know what you've done?" He stared at the Dark Mark on Remus' forearm. "I ought to skin you both alive for being fools." "Yes, the moral of the story is constant vigilance, we know that." Remus poured half a can of mixed nuts into a colander and set it on the table. "We've been through the library and the Black papers, and we found no provenance for that thing on the greenhouse shelf. The stone itself is smashed into a hundred pieces. It's still there. We need your help." Moody helped himself to a cashew. "Polyjuice in the meantime. I know that will work." Severus shook his head. "Lupin informs me that lycanthropes require a special blend of polyjuice. Brewable, but it will take the usual three weeks." "Which one of you--?" Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket and flicked it at Severus. "Miseo." The glowing yellow numbers of the Werewolf Registry tattoo appeared across Severus' forehead. "Finite." "Well, fuck me and suck me dry." Moody shifted in his chair. "I might be able to track some down for you." Snape-Remus-nodded. "I can give you some names in Romantic Alley." The newspaper hit the table with a crack. "And I've already said I'm not taking some sloppy potion made for werewolf whores." Remus spread his hands. "Then you have to be me until your potion is brewed." "That will be painfully easy. You don't do much." "And I'll have to be you." Remus grinned. Both Moody and Severus flinched at the baring of Snapish teeth. Moody pointed at Snape-but-not. "When He-Who-Must-Be-Fucked-Up-the-Arse summons him, what the bloody hell will he do then?" Severus glanced at the Dark Mark. "Polyjuice would be riskier than memory charms. It wears off, which might prove inconvenient. The safest thing is to get rid of the damned curse. It should be easy, with your resources...." Moody grunted and pushed away from the table. "Killing you both now would save me a lot of trouble. That might yet be the best solution, though Dumbledore might disagree. I'll keep my eye on you... both of you. We'll get you sorted. In the meantime, this goes no further than us four. Tell no one. Play your parts well. Remember-all our lives depend on it." He rolled his eye over each man in turn and walked out, his clawed foot scratching his displeasure down the hallway. "That went well," Remus sighed, picking up Moody's untouched coffee and drinking deeply. "I can be you easily." Remus sneered. "And I can be you." "Then we have nothing to worry about."
"Well," Remus said, staring down his nose at his reflection. "Can I pass?" "I beg your pardon?" "Can I pass for you?" A sigh, and chocolate-brown eyes tore themselves from the musty book on the lectern. "We've been over this before. Just attempt to pretend that every one of those snot-nosed brats is out to get you. As they will think you're me, they will be out to get you. You'll be toughened up by the end of the week." "Albus is completely off his rocker if he thinks I'll be able to teach Potions properly." "You have a bleeding script to read from. And I will be watching the lessons and assisting." Severus shook his head in disgust. "I've been asking for a damned assistant since the Dark Lord revived, and there's never been enough gold in the coffers. Trust you to find a way to bollocks that up properly, too." Remus shrugged, elegantly, and turned away from the mirror. "Let's see you do me. Go on. Give me a Lupin look." Severus glowered. "No. That's not a good Lupin at all. Stop scrunching up your eyebrows and smile a little. You don't want to look as if you're mocking people, you want to look inoffensive." Severus scowled harder, just because he could. "You think about yourself far too much, Lupin. I'm not a bleeding stage actor." "I would have thought that being a spy you'd be used to a certain amount of pretence." Remus paused, then chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Or weren't you pretending? Was it the same Severus Snape who worked for both sides? Or were you only working for your own side?" A smile bloomed terribly on his thin lips. "What a frightening thought. Does Dumbledore know?" he said in that low, silken drawl that made the hair on the back of Severus' neck stand up. "Why are you so damned good at being me?" he asked, scowling again as he realised how plaintive that sounded. Remus threw himself into a chair. "Practice. I have spent most of my life hiding--necessary if unpleasant. I have no desire to become a victim of discrimination or violence, and therefore I choose not to make myself a target. You may call it cowardice, or hypocrisy. But how would you like walking through Hogsmeade in that body? Or past the Slytherin dormitory?" "The Slytherins... are best avoided, I believe." "It bothers you that they don't know who you are." "Being judged by appearance is not new to me, Lupin. But you seem to survive quite well despite the fact that you don't hide anymore." Remus sighed and put his feet up on the table, ignoring Severus' black look. "I had no choice in being outed as a werewolf, thank you very much, and I still can't get a job. And I maintain a pleasant personality to endear myself to people." Remus summoned a Muggle beverage in a bright green tin and popped the tab noisily. "It's great fun to be you because I normally would never allow myself to get angry. Don't tell me you don't enjoy it." "When I started teaching, anger served me well. I'm not sure enjoyment entered into the equation." Remus gave him a sharp look. "You started teaching when you were twenty-one? Twenty-two? Your oldest students were at Hogwarts while you were still a student. I'm sure they tried to take the piss more than once." Remus paused, then summoned an identical drink and tossed it casually over. "I'd seen worse things than seventh years by then, believe me." Severus fiddled with the tab; it hissed when it opened, and he sipped cautiously. "What did you do after Voldemort's fall?" "I was inevitably driven out. Out of the country. For a few years. And that's really as far as I'd care to discuss it. With you." "Who did you bare your heart to? Dumbledore?" The laughter from Remus surprised Severus, and he coughed on his drink. Bubbles went up his nose. "You know I don't tell Dumbledore anything that would tarnish my image. He's got a very idealized view of me, you know. I hate to disabuse him." "I suffer from the same impulse myself." Their eyes met, and Remus raised his can in a slightly mocking toast, which after a second Severus echoed. "These drinks aren't alcoholic, are they?" "No. It's just fizzy lemonade. Too sweet, but every now and then I get a craving. Albus stocks them in the kitchens. He claims it's to better console homesick Muggle students." "Ha." "Indeed." The smile they shared was knowing. And very nearly friendly.
The first day went well enough. Remus had channelled all his nervousness into snarling hostility. The students had reacted to Severus' presence with raptures about "Professor Lupin" but Remus had shut them up efficiently, at least in class. Severus suspected that he would be dodging Lupin fans throughout the course of the charade. He wasn't sure if he could handle being popular. The lessons had not been brilliant, but Remus had not screwed up as badly as he might have, Severus thought. His grasp of theory at least was solid. They would have to rewrite the syllabus to reduce the number of practicums and increase lectures during Remus' inhabitation of his body. The number of explosions, leaks, injuries, and mistakes in the class were typical of an end-of-holidays lesson. Had he himself been teaching, he would have seized on the students' sloppiness and wrung it out of them. Remus had done a reasonable job, but intimidation was not his strong point. The most disturbing thing was that the potions he had been brewing and teaching for his entire adult life had changed into nearly unrecognisable concoctions. Without the use of colour as a guide, and with the addition of a preternatural sense of smell (and the accompanying sense of nausea), Severus found himself as lost as Longbottom at times. He almost felt sympathetic for Remus, who had always been pathetic at potions in school. It was worrying. After the last class scrambled out, Remus snatched up his wand and locked the door. He stood for a minute, pressing his fingers to his temples, and then summoned up a bottle and two glasses. He poured liberal drinks and offered one to Severus. "It won't help with the headache," Severus said, pulling out a chair and dropping down heavily. He sipped his drink cautiously. Remus gave him a sharp look. "Prone to headaches, are you?" Severus shrugged, taking a longer drink from his glass. "Alcohol doesn't have an adverse effect on your headaches, does it?" "I rarely drink." Severus drained his glass and looked at it accusingly. "I'm not getting drunk here." "Metabolism. As a werewolf, you'd have to be exceedingly dedicated to get even a buzz." Remus was still looking at the drink in his hand suspiciously. "When you say you rarely drink, that wouldn't be because alcohol does bad things to you, would it?" "I usually find myself unable to move from my bed the next day for the blinding pain. Even blinking hurts. Can I have your drink, then?" Remus handed it over. "What do you do to unwind?" Severus tipped the glass up and finished it off. "Damn. I thought that I might be able to make your enforced company more bearable, but I see Black's preferred method of escape is denied me." He eyed Remus. "Define 'unwind'." "Relax. Get rid of the damned headache." Sighing, Severus pushed himself up. "I have a potion I can give you." "I don't think I like being you." Severus suspected that some kind of less subtle insult would have been forthcoming if the promise of the potion hadn't been made. Severus walked into the washroom and returned with a glass of dark green liquid. "I'm not exactly rapturous about this myself. Drink this." "I'll never make it to Friday. This doesn't taste half bad." "I drink it myself. With any luck we won't have to wait until Friday. Moody has people working on finding out what happened and how to undo it." "Your faith is touching, but is there enough of this potion to last until Friday?" "As soon as the headache's gone I'll show you how to brew it." "Ah." Remus tried to look glum but merely looked grim. "That will be fun."
"The Slytherins... are starting to annoy me," Severus muttered, rubbing his fingers over the "die werewolf die" etched in copperplate script across the top of a worktable. "Mm." Remus ran his wand over the desk. "Motomodore." The words slowly disappeared backwards. "Wouldn't it be nice if they could redirect all that energy into their lessons? I've had to speak with the Prefects about it at every single morning meeting. I think if they didn't get good tea and a sticky bun they would quit out of sheer frustration." "What do you tell them?" Remus shrugged. "Climate of suspicion, draw no attention, Headmaster watching, open your hearts to embrace love for other species, and so on. We are trying to find ways to encourage more tolerant behaviour in the House." Severus snorted his scorn. "Well, I am glad that they are in your capable hands. I'm sure you'll accomplish what no House Head has been able to do in over a hundred years." "It must be especially upsetting for you because they are your children, the Slytherins, and part of you must still want their respect and admiration. Having people cross the road to avoid you in Hogsmeade is at least impersonal prejudice. If it's any comfort, I am sorry." "Doesn't this make you angry?" Severus waved a hand over the erased tabletop. Lupin gave him a look, contempt mingled with disbelief. The face really added something, Severus thought. He supposed his expressions were the opposite, even the nasty ones made more pleasant by Lupin's countenance. "Why should I be angry? Or care that people cringe from me?" He made a noise of frustration and dragged Severus into his private room to the wardrobe, flinging open the door so that they both faced the door-length mirror. "Look in the mirror. When I look at this face, I see someone normal. Someone not diseased, someone untainted. Someone capable of being everything a normal human is. What do you remember before your seventh birthday?" "Not bloody much, I imagine." The thin mouth in the sallow face twisted. "Well, that is how much I remember about being human. Every conscious memory I have is replete with the awareness that I am an impostor among men. 'Don't let anyone find out' was my mantra. Being human at last feels damned good." Severus snorted again-much less impressively than usual-and poked at his face. "You are overlooking the beak of a nose, the yellow skin, the crooked teeth-wait, what did you do to my teeth?" Remus bared them. "And what magic couldn't fix I'm sure Hermione's parents could put right in a few months. Your skin is responding nicely to proper sunning and diet, too." "And my hair, you've ruined my hair." "Nonsense, just a good cut. Brings out your eyes. I overheard some Raveclaw third years remarking on how well you look after the holidays. 'Hot', I believe they said. I enjoy being in your body, Severus. I'm not going to abuse it." "I thought we had an agreement on bodily integrity. Would you like some tattoos? How about piercings?" "I haven't made any permanent changes, you know." He grinned, stretching Snape's face in unfamiliar and alarming ways. He poked Severus in the ticklish spot under his ribs. "Here's a question-haven't you always wondered what you were like in bed?" Severus recoiled. "I cannot believe you'd suggest that." "Why not? You know how to make this body hum, don't you? If the idea really bugs you, I could ask someone else." He shrugged. The gesture retained some of its former owner's elegance. Severus opened and shut his mouth, looking thoroughly appalled. "Lupin," he said finally, and Remus thought, My god, I never knew that tobacco-and-whiskey voice of mine could be so seductive. "Promise me you would never-never do that." The brown eyes that blinked up at him had a certain coldness, but on the whole the vulnerable, pleading expression was very good. Feeling Snapish, Remus pulled himself up and glared down his nose. "I'll promise if you can give me a good explanation." "Because I-and my body-have never had sex." Severus crossed his arms and kept his face blank. Remus grinned. He couldn't help it. "You mean-I'm a virgin again? No wonder this body's so good at wanking!" "You didn't." "I did. First thing I did. I wanted to see what you look like when you come. Hear the noises you make. See your cock go from soft to hard to rigid and leaking. Touch your body. Morning, noon, and night. Don't tell me you don't." "Of course I don't. I have self-control." "Thirty-seven years' worth, apparently. No wonder you're-" He looked at the ominous expression on Severus' face and stopped. "Do you secretly harbour romantic notions of finding your one true love, or is it just lack of opportunity?" "You may be the first person ever to accuse me of being a romantic." Severus glared. "I live in a fucking boarding school, I don't get out much, and I hate most people most of the time. Including you." "Do you hate me enough right now that you wouldn't be up to a little experimentation?" "I'd rather not lose my virginity to a werewolf, actually." "That's a good start. Seeing as you are the werewolf, and I'm the virgin." Remus ran one hand over Severus' shoulders, stroking gently. "What do you consider losing your virginity, anyway?" Severus' eyebrows shot up. "I assume you'd know." "Well." Remus rested his other hand on Severus' hip. "I never was sure, exactly. Is it the first time someone jerks you off, or sucks you off, or fucks you? Or when you do the same to someone? All of the above, or none?" He bent his head slightly and bit Severus' ear. Not hard enough to hurt, exactly. Severus caught sight of his face in the mirror and slammed the wardrobe door shut. "Mm. Bit of a distraction, that," Remus murmured against his neck. "This whole situation is like being in a mirror. I can't help but watch you, you know. I've never seen myself do so many things. It's fascinating." "Yes. Like a building on fire." "Definitely like a building on fire." Remus' hand was tracing patterns on Severus' thigh. "So-getting back to the virginity question-" "You're not fucking me. My body. Or any body with me in it." Severus was unprepared for Remus' wide grin. "Well. That gives us a lot of leeway, doesn't it?" The lazily tracing hand shifted and brushed against his crotch, and the strength went out of his legs. "It's alright if I touch you?" he whispered. "Oh, god," Severus said, shutting his eyes because there were some things you don't want to see your body doing. Remus nuzzled Severus' chin up. "Despite appearances, this is just me bringing myself off. Now, if you say, 'Remus John Lupin, stop', I'll take my hands away, that I promise. But you could trust me to know what will feel really, really good. Up. To. You." He teased a finger under the waistband of Severus' trousers, rubbing the growing damp spot on the old, thin, barely-there underpants. Severus groaned, and his hips thrust against Remus' hand involuntarily. Remus pushed him back to lean against the desk. Then he swiftly dropped Severus' trousers and took himself in hand. "Is this alright?" he asked, his hand moving slowly and intimately, and Severus shuddered. "No-one-" he breathed out, "Never-" Remus trailed his tongue along his jaw line. "You're on the slippery slope towards losing your virginity now, once the 'no-one' and 'never' becomes 'someone has.' We can still stop." "Do you really want me to hex you?" Remus chuckled. "I think I'd better not teach you any sex spells or you'll be a terror in bed." He moved his mouth along Severus' neck. "I'm going to try something different. I don't know if you'd be more or less shocked with open eyes." The heat of his mouth disappeared, and Severus heard the rustle of clothing. "I nearly put my back out attempting this when I was fourteen," Remus said from about crotch-height, and licked Severus' cock from base to tip, swirling his tongue around the slit before sucking the head into his mouth. Severus cried out, his hands wrapping tightly in Remus' hair. He looked down once and decided he never wanted to see himself do that again. But he still didn't want to lose the sensation, so he shut his eyes and pretended-well, the only thing he could think of pretending was that it was Remus doing those amazing things to make him feel as if he could fly apart any second. He didn't think that was much better. He decided to just sink into the sensation and not think. It was getting very hard to think anyway. Remus mumbled something around the cock in his mouth, and Severus had no idea what he had said, but the vibration was enough to make his knees shake. Remus' tongue (my tongue, damn it! he thought) flowed around his cock like a snake, and the sucking, and--oh Merlin!--the swallowing.... Severus came, shouting with each spurt of cum, which Remus licked and swallowed hungrily, finally releasing his cock with a wet smack. Remus stood and grinned at the expression on Severus' face. "You enjoyed that," Severus accused. Remus shrugged. "Well, it is a teenaged fantasy, isn't it? Don't tell me you never tried to go down on yourself... never mind. My technique has improved considerably since then-lucky for you." "You don't expect me to-to you... do you?" Severus yanked up his trousers and buttoned them defensively. "I'm gay-and I do admittedly get off on cocksucking. I don't expect anything from you. Your cock and my hand have reached an agreement. But-if you get hard up-I'll be glad to take care of my cock as well. Anytime." He paused. "You aren't gay, are you?" Regrettably, Remus' face showed a blush very well. "I don't know." And his voice didn't project the kind of menace that made people fear for their lives. It certainly didn't seem to be projecting the message "I don't want to know." Remus smiled faintly. "This might be a good opportunity to figure that out, then." He leant forward and kissed Severus gently, opening his mouth so that the tip of his tongue could trace Severus' lips. He smelt of sex and cum. Severus opened to him in the bold spirit of experimentation (and feeling very stupid), and then that tongue was in his mouth, stroking his tongue and teeth, and he was breathless and feeling that he ought to do something with his hands but no idea what. He had heard that people closed their eyes while kissing; it certainly was better than having to watch the person who was turning you inside out one breath at a time. And especially when the eyes watching you were your own. At some point, Remus' hands found his shoulders and he found himself pulled chest to chest. It was warm. Remus' tongue withdrew and it turned into just a soft lip-kiss, and then Remus pulled back and he felt he ought to watch this bit so he opened his eyes again. Remus was smiling again, and traced his mouth with one finger. "Now that's a surprise," Remus drawled in a fairly good Snapish manner. "When did you get so good at kissing?" "I'm not going to kiss you again," he snapped. Remus shrugged. "I'm not asking." He sighed and headed to the door. "I'll see you in the morning, then." Severus watched him go and then threw up the room's wards. As an afterthought, he added a silencing charm. He was hard again, and whatever might be said of the werewolf libido, he was not sure that that was entirely the reason. The next day at lunch, a barn owl dropped a package in a plain brown wrapper beside Severus' bowl of pumpkin chowder. He opened the letter attached curiously. This is a late birthday present. Whatever you do, don't open it in the Great Hall. Severus had to pry up a corner of the wrapping and peek anyway. The lurid pink cover of a lurid sex manual peeked back, and he hastily stuck the paper down again. It was hard to get used to blushing. Remus was smirking at the other end of the teachers' table. Damn the man. And damn the three more hours of lessons left before he would have a moment alone.
Part 2: Knowledge of the gods
"Professor Lupin? Can I talk with you?" Lupin was short, and Harry had grown: Severus found himself almost able to look the boy straight in the eyes. The bottle-green eyes that were not James Potter's, although the face, the hair, and the body were identical. Not Potter, he thought like a mantra, not Potter. What would Remus do? he thought, and repressed an urge to snarl. He sighed, and then at Harry's faint wistful smile realised that he had not conveyed irritability but some kind of softer emotion. Regret, perhaps, or even sorrow. "Why don't we go into the office, Harry? I could murder a cup of tea." In place of your damned father and his friends, and especially Remus Lupin, who put me in this repulsive predicament. Sitting behind the desk gave Severus some comforting distance, although it seemed to make Harry nervous. Wrapping his fingers around the too-hot teacup, letting the burn divert his anger, Severus managed a smile. "What can I do for you, Harry?" Harry fidgeted, and Severus hoped he didn't douse himself in hot tea with all the leg swinging. "I just wanted to talk. The way you said. I know... last year, I said things I shouldn't have said. To you. And I wanted to apologize, and to talk." Severus tried to maintain the patented Lupin smile of compassion, while the panicked back of his brain cursed fluently in the four languages he knew. What the bloody hell had Potter said to Remus? Well, it couldn't have been unforgivable-very little was, to Remus. "Don't worry about it, Harry. I know... you have a lot to deal with. I don't mind... your using me as an outlet . You need that." Harry relaxed, his shoulders slumping. "It was good of you to invite me for Christmas. But I just couldn't've. I can't bear being in that house. I don't know how you stand it. There's not-it's not like a ghost or anything, there's just a gap. And no one will talk to me about him. Well. Usually I tell them to bugger off. Sorry, sir. I hate being understood. But I don't mind it from you."
Oh, bloody fucking hell, this was about sodding Sirius
Black. Severus
bit his lip, wondering if he dared risk Legilimency on
the boy.
Probably not, as Dumbledore seemed to be doing a
damned good job and Potter
would be bound to sense the intrusion. Potter was
looking at him with
compassion (or what passed for it in a teenager), and
Severus could have
cried. With rage.
"I hope you had a good Christmas. Molly and Arthur
think of you almost
like one of their own. Though I suppose that can make
you feel
smothered, I suppose."
Harry blinked. "That's exactly it. Smothered. I've
never had anyone
take care of me before. I think it's too late now. I
can't let
myself become somebody's little boy. I wanted to,
with Sirius. I
might have, with you, if you hadn't ever-so-gently
told me to shove off. I
hated you for that. But I'm standing on my own feet
now."
"Yes, Harry, you are." Severus ran his fingers
through Lupin's hair,
trying to appear nonchalant. He knew more of Harry's
unhappy life than
he wished, thanks to the failed Occlumency lessons.
He knew how the
boy who lived had wanted love and acceptance, family
and friends. You
cold bastard, Remus, he thought, how could you trust
the boy to make the
right decisions for himself? But it had worked.
Harry was more
serious this year, studying hard, preparing himself.
The man he was becoming
showed no signs of being twisted by his past. As
Riddle had been. As
Severus himself was. As Remus was. Please the gods
he remained
untwisted. "You are doing an excellent job of
becoming your own person.
Someone worthy of friendship-and love-for his own
sake."
"Tell me that after I have become a murderer."
Don't cry on me, Potter, don't you bloody cry, Severus
thought angrily.
What would Remus do? He got up and went around the
desk and hugged the
boy, paranoid school rules about physical contact be
damned. One does
not maintain the position of Head of House without
learning at least
some rudimentary comforting skills, and Severus had
been practicing on
blubbering first-years for almost as long as Harry had
been alive.
"Firstly, prophecies often have meanings other than
the obvious. Don't
limit yourself by thinking only that you have to kill.
Secondly,
anyone who could rid the world of Voldemort would be
an even worse person if
they let him live and keep propagating his brand of
evil. Some of the
best people I know are murderers." Present
company included.
Harry snuffled against Lupin's horrible cardigan.
Good, Severus thought
viciously, now I can bin it. "Dumbledore defeated
Grindelwald-he
didn't like it, I'm sure, but he did it." He ran one
hand over Harry's
hair. "You might want to talk to him about it. Voice
of experience and
all that."
"Well. Isn't this touching." That black-silk
drawl could only
be one person. "Do you not plan on helping with
lesson preparations,
Lupin? It is for your benefit. However, if you have
better things to
do...." Damn Remus for being frighteningly good at
being me, Severus
thought. And damn him for being too late to rescue
me. He handed Harry
his handkerchief.
"All right, Harry?"
Harry glared at the black-robed figure standing in the
doorway. Remus
looked at him impassively. Severus wondered what that
effort cost him.
"Yeah, I'll be all right, Professor. I need to run to
Herbology
anyway."
Severus gave him a hand up. "Can't have you missing
classes. Take
care." Harry ducked his head to avoid having to say
anything to Remus as
he slipped past him. The two men listened to his
footsteps pounding on
the stairs. Remus came in and sank down on the chair
Harry had
vacated. Severus flicked his wand at the door,
warding and locking it.
"You did that very well, Severus. I'm surprised.
Pleasantly
surprised."
"I have absolutely no bloody idea what I just talked
to the boy about."
Severus dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his
temples.
"It sounded spot-on to me. Love and responsibility.
Growing up.
Killing Dark wizards."
"And damned buggering Sirius Black."
"I missed the part about damned buggering Sirius
Black. But you must
have gotten that right as well, considering the boy
didn't run away and
was crying cathartically all over my jumper."
"I had absolutely no idea of what to say to him. What
does he know?
I don't know..." Severus' voice trailed off as
he realised who
he was talking to. "If I'm going to be you, I need to
know. About you
and Sirius Black."
There was a silence, followed by a sip. Severus
looked up to see Remus
nursing his own cup of hot tea. "Just because that
makes sense doesn't
mean that I wouldn't rather be ripped to shreds by
Hungarian Horntails
than tell you the sordid details of my life."
"I know." Severus' mouth twisted. "I do understand
that much, Lupin."
He nodded. "Harry knows that Sirius and I were good
friends in school,
and that Sirius was the last left alive save myself
and the rat. I
feel no urge to expand on that. We were
lovers, in school, and
later." He shrugged.
"Love. Is that what it was?"
Remus sipped at his tea. "I think so, yes. Certainly
life would have
been easier if it wasn't. Imagine believing for
twelve years that the
person you love killed your three best friends. Every
single day I
prayed that he would just die. Just give up and die
in Azkaban. That he
kept living-it kept me from killing my love
completely. And that love
hurt."His voice trailed off, and he swallowed
the last of his
tea. He set the cup down on the desk with a
final-sounding clink. "We
do need to work on our lessons. The past week was a
disaster. You'll
need to run me through nearly all the potions coming
up, I'm afraid."
Severus nodded, tersely. "You have the lesson plans.
Set up the
ingredients." He stood, stripping off the repulsive
cardigan and rolling up
his sleeves-how long had it been since he had had the
freedom to do
that? "And try not to keep me up all night this time,
Lupin."
"Would you really mind being kept up all night? I
might arrange some
extracurricular lessons for you."
"Remedial Sex, Lupin?" He checked his list and
started getting the
ingredients from the stores.
"Have you been studying your textbook?" Remus moved
cauldrons from
their hooks to each of the front seven worktables.
"Here-these are for first year, put them on the far
left. It may
surprise you, Lupin, but like yourself with Potions, I
do have a fairly good
grasp on theory."
"A practicum could be arranged." Remus shrugged, and
cutting boards
and knives appeared. "You can feel free to go and
experiment with
whomever you like. I haven't noticed anyone queuing
up outside your
bedroom door, but my body has been known to
attract attention.
Male or female, if you still aren't sure. And I'm not
a virgin, so you
can get your experience and still be pure on your
wedding night." He
took the second and third year ingredients from
Severus.
"The thought of doing... any of that with a complete
stranger is...
repulsive."
"I tend to feel that way myself. Is there anyone
you've had your eye
on?"
"I don't look. Really, Lupin. Who would have me?"
Severus found it
convenient to be in the storeroom and not have to look
Remus in the
face.
"Who would have you?" Remus mocked softly. "A
well-placed academic.
Respected in his field. Responsible. Dedicated."
"Death Eater. Ugly as sin and twice as mean." Fourth
and fifth year
done and laid out. Only the advanced seminars to go.
"When you look at this body I'm wearing, do you think
it's ugly?"
Severus didn't look, he was busy trying to find
centipede extract.
"You've made improvements."
"I had good material to start with. You just needed
some polishing,
that's all. I think you owe your body an apology."
Severus set the last ingredients out himself: the
upper-level potions
were the most volatile. "That sounds like one of those
ridiculous
pop-psychology seminars Umbridge inflicted on the
staff with numbing
regularity. Emotional Intelligence. Inner Child.
The Muggle Culture
Sensitivity Seminars had nothing on the trust games
that woman instigated."
Remus was leaning against the fourth-year table,
watching him.
"We could play trust games. Do you trust me?"
"Not of my own free will, no." Remus gave him a level
look and waited.
"You haven't screwed up yet." The pause dragged out.
"The evidence
does seem to indicate that you are trustworthy," he
muttered, grudgingly.
Remus gave him a brilliant smile, which was rather
like being swooped
at by a bird of prey. "We can do the potions later,
then. Let's go to
the bedroom." He turned and stalked off to Severus'
private room, not
bothering to look back. Severus hesitated.
He could ignore the distraction and do some work. Or
he could follow
Remus to the bedroom.
The thought of the pink sex manual, bookmarked and
left on the
nightstand, came into his mind. I could just go up to
the astronomy tower and
jump. He sighed, and crossed slowly to the bedroom
door. Entering, he
shut it behind him and felt Remus' wards go up.
Remus was stripping, and Severus watched. He had
never been
comfortable naked: it always made him feel as if he
were about to be attacked.
It was decidedly odd to see himself so very
comfortable unclothed. The
body language was different and, he had to admit,
sexy.
Remus gave him an amused look. "Need some help?" He
crossed to where
Severus stood and began unbuttoning his shirt.
Severus scowled and
pushed his hands away, perfectly capable of undressing
himself. Remus
undid his belt and trousers instead and pushed them
down, and then hooked
his thumbs under the waistband of his underpants and
shoved them down,
kneeling as he did so to take Severus' erection in his
mouth.
Severus forgot about his shirt, forgot to be
embarrassed, forgot
everything under the onslaught of Remus' tongue. His
knees shook under the
strain of staying upright. Remus' fingers dug into
his arse to hold him
still. Severus whimpered; he couldn't help himself.
Remus pulled
back, standing and kissing Severus quickly before he
could protest his
abandonment. He pulled him towards the bed, shoving
Severus down on top of
the sheets and sitting beside him.
"For a virgin you did that very well."
"I read a book," Severus said absently, and Remus
laughed.
"I'll buy you another book, then."
"Is it always like that?"
Remus turned on his side and traced runic patterns on
his stomach. "In
the best of all possible worlds it is always like
that."
"Huh."
"So, it was worth the wait?"
"Don't think I spent my whole life waiting for you,
Lupin."
"I would never." Remus kissed him, and if it was
possible for a kiss
to be cheeky, then it was that kind of a kiss. "I'm
going to take a
shower." He slipped out of bed and pulled Severus
with him to the
bathroom.
"I've never taken a shower with anyone."
"Well, this is just the day for firsts, isn't it?"
Remus set the water
scaldingly hot. "In you go. We have a long night of
potion-making
ahead of us. And if I have to smell you smelling of
sex I will go mad."
Severus ducked his head to rinse his hair, and smiled.
Remus walked out of the classroom for the third time
during the brewing
of the Elevating Draught. Severus glared at his
retreating back.
Shoddy teaching, to make the assistant tend to the
students, never mind
that in this case the assistant was more familiar with
the potion than the
teacher. The Elevating Draught was a vivid yellow,
one of the few
colours the werewolf's eyes registered. He was not
seeing much yellow now:
with their professor's comings and goings, the
discipline of the class
had dropped notably.
"Well, you are a lot of fools today, aren't you?" The
near-whisper
from behind a tiny Ravenclaw made her jump and much
shattering of
glassware resulted. In the stricken silence that
followed the squeaks of the
caged mice on the desk echoed loudly. "Detention,
Miss Blunwood. Can
anyone tell me the proper method for quartering
the kabuto
beetles? No one?"
He is far too good at being me, Severus thought
bleakly, looking at a
perfect ten-point sneer.
"Mr Lipp, would you read line five on the board for
me?"
Remus proceeded to belittle, insult, and harass the
class into
realizing where their potions had gone wrong, and then
assigned two rolls of
parchment on the potion, its brewing, and practical
applications.
Severus rolled his eyes: it wasn't as if Remus did his
own marking, after
all.
The students silently cleaned the laboratory while
Remus paced the room
irritably. Finally he swore under his breath, yanking
off his robe and
throwing it onto the desk. The class froze: Snape
just wasn't
Snape without the robe. He might just as well
have stripped naked. He
wore a green short-sleeved shirt (that's not mine,
Severus thought
resentfully), and his left arm was wrapped in
bandages. Severus flinched.
Not in front of the children, Remus, please not in
front of the
children.
Remus snapped his wand at the blackboard and it wiped
itself clean.
"What are you all looking at? This class is
dismissed. Two rolls of
parchment, next Monday," he called after the fleeing
class.
"Do you call that teaching?"
Remus fixed a level black gaze on him. "If you want
to go Obliviate
that class, be my guest. They certainly didn't learn
the potion." With
a practiced laziness, he locked and warded the door.
"Did I scare
them, do you think?" Remus walked wearily into the
office, where
Dumbledore's Pensieve sat on the desk. "How many
memories can one of these
hold, anyway?"
"It looks nearly full. Is that what you were doing in
class?"
"Mm." Remus sat down again and began the slow process
of extracting
memories and dropping them in. "The Memory Charm will
help, I think, but
the less actual memory there is to disguise,
the better." He
set down his wand, looking a bit unfocused, and rubbed
at the bandages
over the mark. "It feels like a Portkey. A very
insistent Portkey."
"For Merlin's sake hurry up and go. You are
asking for trouble
you can't imagine."
"On the contrary." Remus gave Severus a coldly
logical glare. Without
the memories in the Pensieve, his eyes were sharper
and colder. "Based
on my own and Dumbledore's study of your reports, I am
hopefully asking
for trouble I can imagine." He pulled a stack
of parchments out
of a drawer and dropped them in front of Severus.
"Precedents.
Vol-the Dark Lord has, since the Mysteries debacle,
removed himself from the
direct punishment of his minions. He instead gives
the oversight of
punishment as a reward."
"I know." Severus shoved the parchments away.
"Yes, I didn't think everything was in your
reports, Severus,"
Remus purred, and smiled in an oddly toothy way-his
teeth, Severus noted
with a start, had been returned to their original
snaggliness. Odd
what a difference that made. "Saying that your school
duties kept you
here is reasonable-even Voldemort" (Remus winced as
the Dark Mark flared)
"ought not to expect his well-placed spy to leave in
the middle of
classes. But neither can he overlook disobedience."
Remus shrugged. "I
don't want to be with Vol--him tonight. Anything is
preferable to
having him decide to riffle through what's left of my
mind."
"So you're trying to get me punished? Dolohov is a
pervert, and
Macnair is a sadist. Black is a deeply psychopathic
individual.
Pettigrew-well, you know more about him than I do.
Crabbe and Goyle are thugs.
Malfoy... can't say no. And the rest are just as
bad."
"Would you be ordered killed for this?"
Severus frowned. "No."
"Would he be willing to lose you as his spy over
this?"
The pause this time was longer. "I don't think so.
But-"
Remus' mouth curled in a trademark Snape sneer. "I'm
ready now, I
think. Cast the last charms and I'll go."
Remus made a last pass through his memories and
dropped one long strand
in the Pensieve. Severus spoke the memory charm and
then cast the
Simularicon Charm rapidly afterwards. The confused
blankness of Remus'
face twisted into a scowl.
"Test your work, Lupin."
Severus raised his wand. "Legilimens."
He was hit by a blinding wave of his own transplanted
emotions-anger,
frustration, slights felt, revenge. Beyond that... it
was hard to
penetrate, thank the gods, although he had no doubt
that if Voldemort put
his mind to it that shield would buckle and fail.
Severus withdrew.
"It might hold. Don't get me killed, Lupin."
"Worry about your own werewolf neck. I can take care
of myself."
Remus pulled on Severus' travelling cloak-he disdained
the Death Eater mask
as needlessly theatrical-and swept out of the room.
The door whispered
shut behind him. Severus took four deep breaths,
cleared his mind, and
set to work on the pile of essays on the desk. He
went through two
pots of red ink.
He taught the lessons the next day and enjoyed
terrorizing the students
with no pretence of acting Lupine. After the first
detentions
awarded-including a third of the Hufflepuff fourth
years-the students cringed
in a suitable manner and kept their heads and
irritating waving hands
down. It was harder to stalk and swoop in Lupin's
body, but by the
mid-afternoon NEWT seminar he had it perfected.
And Remus still wasn't back yet.
Peter, Remus thought dizzily, it would have to
be Peter. Dull,
plodding, black-heated Peter. Left hand of the Dark
Lord. Remus
wondered what Severus had done to make Peter hate him
so much. Later on he
realised that Peter was no longer calling him
"Severus" but "Sirius",
and he would have laughed if he could. What a farce
my life is turning
out to be, he thought woozily.
Remus lost count of the number of times he was
enervated, returned to
pain upon pain. It might have been days or perhaps
only really intense
hours. When finally it became unbearable and he felt
himself slip
away, he thought of it as a blessed release.
He became vaguely aware of high-pitched yelling and
cracked open the
eye that wasn't glued shut with blood. Saved by
Bellatrix Black! Oh,
Severus is going to enjoy this story, he thought. But
the next face that
swam into view was framed by long blond hair, and he
felt himself poked
disdainfully by thin aristocratic fingers. "Better
get rid of him," he
heard that cultured voice say, and then he was in the
dark and cold,
and he couldn't tell if the wet was from rain or
blood. Sorry, he
thought, sorry, sorry, always so sorry....
Waking, he thought, Severus will be angry, look what I
did to his body.
He shifted, or tried to. Even with the healing
potions and protective
spells, his back burnt with pain.
"Are you awake?" A hoarse voice, low.
"Severus," he tried to say, but it came out only as a
sibilant squeak.
"I'd touch you, but the healers made me swear not to
disturb their
work. Which is most of you."
He tried saying Severus again. His mouth felt funny,
and then he
realised he must be teething, re-growing the teeth
that had been kicked out
or shattered. Shouldn't have bitten, he thought
dizzily. His lower
lip was still there, though he remembered it hanging
loose. He felt
something soft press to his face, and fingers stroking
his hair.
"Don't cry, a Snape never cries, and you don't want
salt in any of
these raw places."
"Severus," he said again, but this time it was more of
a sigh. At
least those gentle fingers stayed with him until
consciousness fled again.
When he woke next he could move his fingers and toes.
They were stiff
but functional, and he thanked the gods. He blinked
in the dim light.
Dim institutional light, filtering through functional
institutional
blinds. St Mungo's, he supposed, and reminded himself
that Snape was
human, that the healers would not be making snide
remarks about
veterinarians over this body.
His head wouldn't turn. Something was preventing him.
He raised his
right hand and touched padded blocks pressed above his
ears. His hand
shook with the effort, and he let it fall, landing on
his shoulder.
He heard footsteps, and the door opened and shut. A
very worn-looking
Severus came into his view.
"Severus." This time he was sure he had the name
right, although it
was barely a whisper. Severus took a glass from the
side table and
pressed a straw into Remus' mouth.
"It's just water. Drink."
Remus did, greedily, and dribbled horribly down his
neck. Severus
blotted him efficiently, and put the cup back when he
came up for air.
"I'm sure you want your body back now, don't you?"
Severus took his
wayward hand, lowering it but not letting it go.
"No." Remus tried to shake his head. "No. I was
very glad-to spare
you pain. Peter-Peter thought you were Sirius. I
don't know if Vol-he
created that illusion or if Peter's gone mad. He
really hated
Sirius. I hadn't realised that."
Severus winced. "Malfoy moved you. We came as soon
as we got the
message. Pettigrew nearly killed you."
Remus breathed a laugh. "Dark Lord's orders-no
killing, no crippling.
I took some comfort in them, let me tell you."
The hand holding his trembled, as if with the effort
of not bearing
down. "I'm afraid Pettigrew was not as literal as you
might have wished,
Remus. You're going to have a bad limp for a while,
I'm afraid. And
scars. Ones that won't fade away."
"Have I ruined your pretty face, Severus?"
Severus' lips quirked. "We made sure the healers
saved your pretty
face. Althoug my poor nose, after miraculously
surviving intact after so many years as a tempting
target, finally did
get broken." He leant back in his chair. "The other
scars you'll be
able to cover up. You were a bloody mess when they
found you. You're
lucky to be alive."
"I'm not sure I feel lucky. Bludgered is how I feel.
I wouldn't mind
some kinky hospital comfort sex," Remus said
thoughtfully. "Take my
mind off things."
"Not today, I think." Severus brushed the hair back
from his face.
"Today I think you should make do with lying down."
"Just remember, I don't have the strength to wank
properly."
"You don't have the strength to get it up in
the first place,
you idiot." Severus cupped Remus' cheek and leant
forward to kiss him.
Remus got his arms up and hugged Severus as tightly as
he could. Not
tightly at all, really: he couldn't have wrung out a
wet tea towel. But
Severus hugged him back as well as he was able,
considering bandages
and head-wedges and mysterious tubes that recalled
Muggle medicine at its
worst. Severus was warm and gentle and here,
and Remus was
content.
Severus had reluctantly given up handing out
detentions. What he lost
in terms of classroom terror he gained in time that
could be spent at
the hospital. Another day or two more and Remus could
return to
Hogwarts and be placed under Pomfrey's watchful eye.
It was odd, and somehow ominous, that the dungeon
rooms which had made
a satisfactorily solitary retreat for over half his
life no longer
soothed but irritated. It was odd that he had stopped
avoiding Remus' room
(in an inconvenient corridor off the middle of the
Ravenclaw stairs,
and almost directly above the kitchens) and instead
found a kind of peace
in being there, reading Remus' books. Sleeping in
Remus' bed. And it
was distinctly odd that he looked forward to the
evenings at St
Mungo's. There were so many other, better things he
could be doing with his
time.
"Orange, Severus?"
"Aren't there any apples in there?"
Remus tipped the contents of an enormous fruit basket
on the sofa
between them. "There's a green one, and a red one."
Severus grabbed one of them and bit it loudly. "You
only say that to
annoy me."
"No, I'm showing off that I can tell the two apart
now. Professor
Iocaine would be proud of me."
"You're still rubbish at potions."
"Speaking of which, you are taking the Wolfsbane?"
"Yes." Remus looked at him expectantly. Severus
looked back, chewing
contentedly on his apple. "What?"
"Nothing. Moody still hasn't figured out what
happened, I take it."
"Don't worry about it. We both knew..."
"Yes."
"So don't worry. At least it's something that can be
planned for.
It's not like having a psychopath kicking you in the
face with boots on.
You know, the threat of sudden irrational violence has
been a hold
Voldemort has had on me for years. My absolute craven
terror of being
hurt. Humiliated. Of having to beg for mercy."
"If it's any comfort, I never begged, either Voldemort
or Pettigrew. I
assumed it'd do no good anyway. By the time I got
around to
considering it, I couldn't talk anyway."
Severus went pale. "Surely you're not trying to
reassure me that my
reputation as a Death Eater is intact? I am not so
inhuman as to give a
damn. I do care that horrors have been visited
upon you."
Remus leant over and kissed Severus, who seemed to
have segued into his
lover with a remarkable lack of protestation. Funny
damn world. "But
I'd rather not dwell on the horrors, Severus. And the
body thing gives
me a chance to pretend that it didn't happen to me.
Not that I'm
pretending it happened to you. Just... let it go.
Make love to me.
Please?"
"I would. But we can't. Look at you, you're
practically falling
over."
"Not all of me, some bits are rising to the occasion."
"Oh! Well. That's a sign of recovery. Shall I go
get the Healer?"
Remus grabbed him. "Don't you dare...! Stop
smirking, that wasn't
funny at all." He pushed himself to his feet, noting
with envy how
effortlessly Severus stood and took his weight with a
strong arm around his
waist. Ten steps to the bed, the room was
claustrophobically small.
One tug on the belt of his dressing gown and he was
naked. Two hands
around Severus' waist and he was pressed down against
the bed by the
weight of a werewolf. One mad passionate snog just
because he could.
"Take off your clothes."
Severus grumbled and set wards and silencing charms on
the door that
probably made alarms go off somewhere in the hospital,
but the intent was
definitely hopeful. Remus tugged at the buttons on
his shirt, but
stopped as Severus took over quickly and efficiently.
And then he was
lying at his side, naked, and looking adorably shy.
Remus turned those
words over in his head--Severus Snape, adorably
shy--and decided to hide
them deep, deep down where no Legilimens would ever
find them.
"I'm not going to fuck you."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Cock-tease."
"Idiot. You have healing lash marks all down your
back, among other
injuries. And this body is too strong--I'd hurt you."
Remus wrapped one hand around Severus' cock and began
moving slowly--not
threatening, exactly. "Tell me you have a plan."
"You can fuck me."
Remus looked at him, trying desperately to make the
face have that
Lupine expression of sincere concern. He thought it
probably looked too
much like a leer. "Are you sure?"
"Well, there do seem to be some advantages." Severus
shifted, rolling
on top of Remus, taking his weight on his hands. "As
you keep pointing
out, I am not technically a virgin. So it shouldn't
hurt as much."
Remus pulled his head down and kissed him, his hand
still idly stroking
Severus' cock. "I can make it not hurt at all." His
other hand found
a nipple and teased it to hardness. "I can make it
good for you."
Severus looked down and cocked an eyebrow. "You'll
excuse me if I
profess a certain degree of ignorance."
"Trust the body, Severus, there's nothing it likes
better than a good
shagging." Remus reached for his wand. "Now, this'll
feel a bit
strange, but trust me it'll make things a lot easier."
He said the spells
and grinned at Severus' face as they came into effect.
"Not bad, eh?
Let's just check that that worked." He reached down
with both hands,
pressing one across Severus' lower back, holding him
in place while one
long finger buried itself deep in Severus' arse.
Severus was relaxed and
inviting and wet. Remus slid a second finger in and
twisted his hand
in a way that made Severus cry out.
"What the hell are you-Aah!" Severus bent
forward, his head
pressed down onto Remus' chest, gold and silver
sweat-damped hair tickling
as Remus breathed. Remus finger-fucked him slowly,
enjoying the sound
of Severus' ragged breathing, and the way he began to
push back,
wanting more.
"I think you're ready, love."
"Do you?"
"Yes." Remus removed his hand and Severus growled: he
couldn't help
himself. "Now. If you would just sit up and raise
your hips. Just
like- that, very good." Remus held his cock up and
moved one hand to
Severus' hips. "Now bear down-oh god-"
Severus' smirk was wicked. "Do stop thrashing about.
This is supposed
to be therapeutic."
Remus had both hands on Severus' hips and thrust up as
best he was
able; he meant to do better, but the damn body wasn't
working right.
"Sadist. More. Now."
Severus lowered himself another inch, then another,
and then Remus was
in him entirely as Severus arched backwards, biting
his lip.
"All right?"
Eyes coffee-dark with passion looked down at him. "I
feel... very
full."
"I'll give you full." It was a crooked kind of
thrusting, Remus
thought, one side of him conspicuously not assisting
at all, but Severus
matched his rhythm-thank god for fast learners-and it
was good and sweet;
and then harder; and Remus was fisting Severus' cock
(familiar old
friend that it was) while his other hand traced the
sensitive line of
Severus' inner thighs (a Remus-body thing, he'd found,
that not many others
shared or understood; but a feathery touch here
and the pressure
of fingernails there undid him every time).
Severus was
growling again, deep in his throat, and Remus thrust
up hard while his one
hand pinched that exquisitely sensitive spot
there and his other
pumped his cock mercilessly. Severus gave a guttural
cry with the force
of his orgasm, his cock jerking hard as cum shot over
Remus' chest, his
body convulsing, his head thrown back.
Remus thought it was one of the most erotic sights
he'd ever seen,
definitely in the top ten (orgasm looked good
on him, damn it!), and
he thrust up desperately, grabbing Severus' hips and
pulling him down
hard as he came. It was a little embarrassing to find
himself crying
out Severus' name with each hard pulse of his cock.
Severus leant
forward and kissed him, no longer fastidious-more in
the manner of one
starved as his mouth devoured Remus'. Breathless and
dizzy, Remus clung to
Severus' sweat-slicked back and returned the attack
enthusiastically.
The hard muscles of Severus' stomach (my
stomach, he lamented)
pressed hot against his own, slick with sweat and cum.
Severus made a
small back-of-the-throat noise as Remus' cock slipped
free.
"Stay and sleep with me."
Severus stared down at him. "You are incorrigible.
And a mess."
Remus fumbled for his wand. "Here. Clean us up. And
stay with me."
"The healers will be shocked."
"Do you think they don't know? At least let me
hold you until I
fall asleep."
"I'll do that."
It took a good bit of shifting for them to find a
position that was
comfortable for both without any limbs dangling off
the mattress.
Severus' fingers brushed over healing bruises and
livid new scars, the odd
dimple in Remus' hip where the healers had done an
excellent job, really,
never mind that pieces of bone were still missing.
Remus covered his
hand with his own. "I'll do a better job of being you
next time."
"You're not going back to him." Severus' voice was
low and dangerous.
Remus smiled. "I've learnt my lesson
about punctuality." He ran his fingers through the
familiar greying
hair. "It's all right. I will do what I must."
In the end, they apparated back to a point just beyond
the Hogwarts
wards and walked up the hill. It was late afternoon,
and the winter sun
shone white in a clear blue sky. The air was cold
enough to make their
breath puff like steam. Remus wore a disreputable
Muggle coat that he
had asked Moody to bring from Grimmauld Place.
Severus had protested
until Remus pointed out the difficulties of walking on
a crutch in robes
and a cloak. "And it's still your arse that'll get
bruised if I fall
down," he'd said, and that settled it. It wasn't as
if the students
would only be gaping at the coat.
"Lucius and Bellatrix saved me--well, you," Remus
said. "Why?"
Severus gave him a level stare. "Black and I
obviously had... one
glaring common interest. Malfoy is the closest I have
to a brother.
My best friend. He risked his son to relay
your whereabouts, and risked a return to Azkaban for
himself. He
risked the Dark Lord's displeasure in letting you
go--although obviously
Pettigrew is at fault."
Remus snorted. "Obviously." He ran one finger along
the scar on his
forehead. It itched. "Then Malfoy doesn't doubt your
loyalties."
"On the contrary, this escapade makes me question the
strength of
Malfoy's loyalty to Voldemort. If I could turn
him...." Severus looked
down. "He is a good man, with some unfortunate
beliefs. He has a low
tolerance for stupidity. But even if he wanted to be
free--he's in too
deep."
Remus drew a breath. "The war is about freedom. I do
recognize that
he has the right to his unfortunate beliefs--so long
as he does not
inflict them on others. Knowing his best friend is
now a half-breed
werewolf... would that help or hinder?"
Severus shivered. "I don't know. Unless he has had a
rather drastic
epiphany, I doubt that he would mind losing either
your mind or body-or
both-to restore me to mine. He would be capable. He
knows his Dark
Arts."
"So do you." Remus tipped his head, giving Severus a
quizzical look.
"But you did not consider that an option?"
"No," Severus ground out.
"Why?"
"My motives are, as ever, purely selfish," Severus
said in a low voice.
"I do not want more murder on my soul." He glanced up
at Remus through
the silvering hair that fell across his face. "And I
have come to
think of you... as well... as my friend."
Remus reached out and touched Severus' face, cupping
one cheek,
half-smiling as he felt Severus lean into that touch.
"I am honoured to be
your friend." But the shadow of the castle fell over
them, and Remus
hurriedly dropped his hand. He had meant to arrive
before classes ended,
but it had taken longer than he anticipated to climb
the hill. The
echoes of student footfalls could already be heard,
together with shouts
and the banging of doors. "Into the gauntlet, then."
"Keep my chin up."
Part 3: What has been brought to pass
Severus choked down the last of the Wolfsbane. Remus
smirked. "Not
one of those potions you'd never notice in your tea,
is it?"
"It's not the taste that kills, it's the aftertaste."
Severus rinsed
his mouth out with an iodine solution that worked
partially, and spat.
"Bloody hell."
"How are you feeling? It's normal to have muscle
cramps, joint pain,
headache, and restlessness. A certain degree of
nausea, which is why
you shouldn't eat in the eight hours before the
change. Feeling fear is
also normal. Even after thirty years, it still
terrifies me. I
imagine it must be bad for you."
Severus fixed Remus with a glare. "It's going to
happen irregardless
of my feelings. Kindly refrain from attempting
to influence
them."
"Mm. It can't be stopped." Remus wondered if Severus
would have a
full-fledged panic attack before he admitted to being
afraid. "Why don't
you lie down?"
Severus grumbled but stretched out on his stomach as
directed, and
Remus straddled his hips. His hands stroked gently
down the length of
Severus' back, and then began to knead the muscles
gently.
He worked down each arm, to the tips of each finger
which he rolled
between his own until they felt light and boneless.
Then he shifted down the bed, and repeated the process
with each toe
and worked his way slowly up to the ankles. The long
leg muscles were
squeezed and released until Severus was unsure whether
he would be able
to stand by the time Remus finished.
Remus was careful, this time, to avoid all the
ticklish places up the
insides of his thighs, instead concentrating his touch
in a way that
felt drugging.
He kneaded Severus' arse, until all tension was gone.
Then he rolled Severus over onto his front.
His hands rubbed lightly over his face, pressing at
the temples and the
tension-spot between the eyes.
Then he worked down his neck and shoulders, and then,
very carefully,
his chest.
Finally, he took hold of Severus' insistent erection
and very gently
brought him to orgasm.
"Feel better?"
Severus tugged at his arm, because that involved the
least movement.
"I have melted," he informed him, his voice low and
sleepy.
Remus snorted and leaned down to kiss him. "You are
like a magnet for
tension."
"Habit of a lifetime."
"Habits can be broken."
"I think we can say that you have thoroughly broken
me."
Remus curled up at his side, one hand sliding across
his stomach.
"Let's take a nap."
"You'd make a good cat," Severus muttered, but he
couldn't keep his
eyes open.
"Shh."
It was darkening when Severus awoke to a pull in his
gut that blossomed
into a feeling part pain and part fear. He
tensed--naturally--and
Remus, wrapped around him, opened his eyes.
"You're undoing all the work I did."
"I feel sick."
"Moonrise soon," Remus agreed. "Take a shower with
me?" He pulled
Severus up out of the bed, to which he had become
quite attached. Remus
turned the water up almost hot enough to scald, and
the fire of it
against his skin made Severus want to weep with
relief.
Remus dried him thoroughly with a towel, and then
matter-of-factly took
him to the safe room.
"I'll be with you as long as I can," he said. "I hate
the restraints,
and I know the wolf does too, but they're safer. You
won't hurt
yourself."
Severus breathed in through his nose.
Remus looked at him and away. "Don't fight it. Trust
the body to know
what to do. I wish I remembered my first time, but I
don't, so I've no
advice to give."
"I don't want to do this."
Remus kissed him. "Shh. It's all right, it's all
right." He was
still holding and kissing him as he fastened the
collar which was chained
to the wall. He held him until the first shudders of
the change came,
and Severus became aware of the smell of blood and
prey, despite
all that Remus had done to scrub it away.
Remus wrenched back and away from his hands (which for
some reason had
dug into the flesh of Remus' arms) and he felt
abandoned. And then the
change was upon him entirely, and he was consumed.
Remus forced himself to watch as his cursed body
pulled Severus apart.
He had never seen a transformation before, always
having been occupied
at the time. It was terrible to watch. Especially to
watch and to
know that nothing could be done to help.
The wolf was angry, despite the calming potion. It
howled for hours
before it would let Remus near. He spent much of his
time leaning out the
window and looking at the full moon, bloated and
orange at first, and
then cold silver. It didn't look like the face of a
man, or a rabbit,
or any of those things. It looked scarred and cold.
Now that he could
finally see it, Remus decided that he didn't like it
all that much.
The full moon was overrated. He'd take the stars
instead.
In the morning, Severus transformed in the bed, too
bound by his own
pain to damper his moans and screams, or to control
his flailing limbs.
Remus brushed back sweaty hair and rubbed Severus'
stomach. He spoke
comforting words until Severus' breathing was less
like sobs.
"That wasn't so bad." Severus' voice was a ragged
whisper. Remus held
the soothing painkilling potion that Poppy had
prepared to his mouth,
and he drank it all. He breathed slowly for a minute,
and as the potion
took effect he relaxed into the bed.
"Severus-you just turned into a wolf, and back again."
"And it wasn't as bad as you led me to believe. I
imagine you're
prejudiced, having experienced most of your
transformations under
less-than-ideal circumstances."
"It still hurts like hell."
"Yes, but it's only pain, and it has a start and an
end. You can
surrender to it. It's not torture."
"Good practice, though."
"Of course, with the Cruciatus Curse, my bones didn't
all reform,
dragging the muscles along."
"I'm sorry, love. I'd have spared you that if I
could."
Severus gave a cough that might have been a laugh.
"But we never can.
How can you stand loving someone if you can't keep
them from getting
hurt?"
Remus hugged him gently. "Love isn't about
protection. Love is no
protection at all. Love is bearing and enduring and
helping to bear and
endure."
"Charming sentiment."
"My parents' only child was a werewolf. Our family
philosophy was
perhaps different from most."
"What happens now?"
"You get to stay in bed and recover."
"So-that's it? A bit of pain, being a wolf, more
pain, and breakfast
in bed?" The corner of his mouth twitched in
amusement. "Pretty good
deal."
"Yes. Good thing you get to do it again in
twenty-eight days.
Thirteen times a year. I was looking forward to my
500th lunation before all
this."
"Good god." Severus shut his eyes. "I'd rather not
think about that
right now, thank you." He paused and shot a look at
Remus. "But I
still think you whinged more than necessary to get
sympathy."
"Ha! Well, if you can joke about it we might as well
go downstairs to
eat."
"Remus?"
"What?" He stood with his shoulders back and arms
crossed, and Severus
thought he looked bloody gorgeous. He was a
narcissist--who knew?
"Don't go. I don't feel well enough to get up yet."
"Oh, really?" Remus' eyes narrowed.
"Physically I feel battered. But I don't feel beaten
mentally." He
gave Remus a sharp look. "I could live with this."
"It's the Wolfsbane."
"I don't plan on testing the alternative. Come here
and keep me warm."
"You need to eat first. I'll get you breakfast."
"Knew you would."
"Up yours."
"Later."
Remus summoned a platter of food from the kitchens.
The scent of sweet
fruit and sausages filled the room. "I'm a bad
influence on you,
aren't I?" he said, smiling.
"Yes. Feed me now. Fuck me later."
"The Polyjuice is ready, Lupin."
Remus looked up from the stack of papers he was
impatiently
grading-sometimes he felt as if he might just as well
tip the pot of red ink out
over all of them. "Shall we try it, then?"
"Yes." Severus held out a goblet that matched the one
in his hand.
Remus took it up, then smirked. "We need to get
undressed. At least
you do. Those clothes will never fit me. You." He
looked
disconcerted for a moment. "Let's go in the bedroom."
"It's the potion we're testing, you know, not
your degree of
perversion." But he followed Remus through the
bedroom door, shutting and
warding it carefully.
"Ha! Though I'll tell you, polysex is definitely not
my kink. Knowing
you're not who someone wants to be with, just a
convenient body
with a bad gag reflex. It's degrading."
"But you've done it." Severus kept his face blank.
"How do you think I knew the poly formula for
werewolves?" Remus
shrugged and put the goblet down on the nightstand.
Expressionless, he
twisted several hairs around his fingers and pulled
them out. He dropped
them one by one into the muddy broth and it foamed.
"There." Severus
paused, then did the same. Remus' hair made the
potion turn yellow. Of
course. Severus set his goblet down next to Remus'
and began taking
off his clothes, folding them neatly on the chair.
After a moment, Remus
slipped off the robe he wore and added it to the pile.
Severus glanced
sideways at him.
"Are we arguing about something?"
"No. Maybe. I'm not sure what I feel about being in
my body again."
"It isn't a permanent solution. You don't really want
to keep those
scars all to yourself, do you?"
"Just because they're on your body doesn't mean
they're not my scars."
"You earned them."
"Damn straight. Probably better to do this lying
down. Shall we?"
Remus took his goblet and sat down on the far side of
the bed. He raised
the goblet to his mouth.
Severus took up his goblet and drained it, replacing
it on the
nightstand quickly. It was not unlike drinking mud,
or perhaps the sludge that
accumulates in sewers: it left his teeth horribly
fuzzy. He was dimly
aware of Remus drinking as well, and then the change
hit.
It was not as painful as the werewolf transformation,
but it was
unpleasant to find his body twisting out of shape.
Into shape. Severus
blinked as the world came back into colour. He looked
at Remus, who looked
rather stunned.
"I'd forgotten about the post-transformation aches."
"This hip injury twinges just a bit."
"So, how does it feel to be tall, dark, and handsome
again?"
"How does it feel to be short and hairy?"
"Short, hairy, and sexy." Remus stretched in a very
feline way, for a wolf. "It
all comes back to me."
"I want a mirror."
Remus grabbed his wand and cast a charm on the
ceiling. As it
shimmered and solidified, he cast an apologetic glance
at Severus. "Souvenir
of a misspent youth."
"I don't want to know.... The scars don't hurt as
much as I thought."
"Let me see my--your--back."
"It's pretty bad."
"Can't be worse to see than to feel." Remus pushed at
Severus'
shoulder until he obliged by rolling halfway on his
side. Remus traced the
lash marks with a finger, gently, and then leant
forward to trace them
with his tongue. Severus shivered and rolled back.
"That bothers you?" Remus teased.
"It makes me think of you." Think of Remus under the
lash.
Remus stilled and turned on his side to look at
Severus. He reached
out and with gentle fingers traced a line down
Severus' face. "I've
learnt a lot about your body. Good things, Severus.
Shall I show you?"
He leant forward and bit down at the base of Severus'
neck. Severus
yelped. Remus' mouth moved over him, biting and
licking, tasting his
sweat. His nipples were teased by the sharp of Remus'
tongue to painful
straining hardness, and then the tongue trailed down
to swirl his navel,
making his stomach muscles contract. Severus wrapped
his once-again
long fingers in Remus' thick, unruly hair, pushing
insistently
down.
Remus grinned, and slid down--and down.
"Where are you go--ah!" The tongue slid across the
ticklish arch of his
foot, but the sensation was... definitely... not
ticklish. Each toe
was in turn clamped in teeth and sucked. And then his
other foot....
Remus found the nerves behind his knees that seemed to
control Severus'
hips, for the lightest brush of teeth made him thrust
blindly.
Severus' legs sprawled wantonly apart, and Remus' hair
brushed his
crotch as a trail of tooth marks traced up the inside
of each thigh.
Severus' head was thrown back on the pillow, and he
made wordless strangled
sounds at each clasp and release of teeth, each flick
of tongue across
trapped flesh, each suck of the blood beneath his
skin. His hands at
his side were rigidly knotted in the sheets. As Remus
licked up
to suck Severus' scrotum into his mouth and roll his
balls across
his rough tongue, there was a distinct ripping sound.
Remus' grin
necessitated teeth, and there was no mistaking the
shudder that ran through
Severus.
Sliding forward and up, Remus dragged his tongue up to
swirl at the
base of Severus' cock, hard and red, then traced a
path up to the tip,
which he cleaned hungrily before swallowing Severus
whole, deeper than
ought to be possible. Severus grabbed fistfuls of
hair and thrust up
hard. He felt the point of that tongue tracing the
veins of his cock and
then all his being was exploding outward as he came,
his hips arching
off the mattress. He was yelling, and Remus' tongue
kept working him,
each stroke undoing him, until he had no more breath
and could only moan,
his hands falling from Remus' head. Remus released
his cock with a
final reluctant caress of the tongue, and slid up to
kiss Severus until he
was able to breathe normally again.
"Good god, Remus."
"The Polyjuice reminded me that I don't have a
very strong gag
reflex." Remus smirked. "I've shocked you again."
"You've killed me."
"I won't do it again, then."
Severus had no answer to that except to kiss Remus
hard.
"Your tongue ought to be registered with the Improper
Use of Magic
Office."
"Heh. That'll give you something to think about when
the poly wears
off and it's your tongue again." Severus
reached down and began
stroking Remus' erection to shut him up. It didn't
work. "I worship
your body, Severus. You're gorgeous."
"I can almost believe that." Remus shifted restlessly
beneath his
hand, and Severus began moving his hand faster. "With
or without me in
it?"
"Gods! I love you for your mind, so it doesn't
matter--Severus!--whose
body you're wearing."
Remus was right where Severus wanted him, on the edge.
"You are out of
your mind."
"It's an out-of-body experience," Remus choked out,
and then, "Please,
Severus, please." And Severus discovered the pleasure
of being begged
for pleasure, which he found to his liking. He licked
one finger and
thrust it in, hitting the spot just there and
marvelling again
that the phrase 'speaking in tongues' was not
hyperbole--although Remus
did not speak so much as scream as he came.
Too tired and relaxed and satiated to do much else,
they watched each
other as the polyjuice wore off. There was one point
where both Severus
and Remus had the same wild black hair, the same brown
eyes, the same
scars. And then they were two distinct and separate
men.
Severus cleared his throat. "I have been thinking
about what we should
do. Polyjuice isn't the solution if the curse can't
be lifted."
Remus shrugged in lazy agreement. "Until the end of
the term, perhaps.
Vile stuff."
"Here's what I propose...."
Part 4: Opinion allotted to all
Dumbledore:
"Well, it's an unusual decision, but it's up to you.
I'll tell Moody
to stop prioritizing looking for a reversal spell,
shall I? Oh, and as
neither of you is capable of teaching potions, I
suppose I can finally give Severus Defense Against the
Dark Arts. I mean Remus. Ha! Funny old world, isn't
it? So, er, Severus. We are looking for a
werewolf liasion officer. And your improvements to
the wolfsbane have been remarkable. Really. Have
some chocolate, it makes everything better."
Hermione:
"But I just found the most fascinating book,
Polynesian Idol,
and it not only tells you how to become a singing
sensation and improve
your looks dramatically--you seem to have that well
down, sir--but see
here? Page 1195? You ought to have gotten three
wishes, if it was a
proper sort of curse idol. So you said--that's one.
And Professor Snape
said--that's two. See? Oughtn't you to have another
wish coming?.... Oh, really?
What did you wish for? Oh, dear. Well, I promise not
to tell Harry. I mean--no-one tells Harry anything
these days anyway."
Moody:
"You're sure, Lupin? I mean--you're really, really
sure? You've
thought about it. You've looked in the mirror?
Sorry. We'll keep looking,
though. Just in case. Godric's gobstones, I need a
drink."
Blaise Zambini:
"Don't look at me--I'm just a name with no personality
until Book 6. Shove off."
Minerva:
"How very odd.... So you've permanently switched
yourselves, have you?
Don't think I'll give you the password to the
Gryffindor tower any time
soon, mind. You may be Gryffindor on the outside, but
I know all about
the inner Slytherin."
Draco
"Don't you feel like flaming narcissists? Well, not
flaming like that,
sir--not you, Professor Snape, sir--which one
are you, anyway?
Does this mean I have to pay attention to the
half-breed werewolf?
Sorry, sir. Seven o'clock Wednesday night, sir? Yes,
sir. Mum bollocked things up pretty good, didn't she,
sir? Can I tell her...? No. Supposed not. Going to
be a strange year. Night, then, sir."
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