Master and the Wolf |
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Amazon.com - The World of Harry Potter
Amazon.co.uk - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2 Disc Special Edition) [2007] |
Title: In Want Of A Husband Author: Naltariel (aranel_iluvataro@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Warning: AU. Humor fic. A/N: Part of the Master and Wolf Fest, challenge: 30) Humor fic from Eva Ibbotson's "Which Witch" plot; Severus Snape, the mighty Potion Master must find a mate though he was *very* reluctant to do so. A contest was held and the darkest, most evil wizard would be chosen to be his mate. Remus fell in love with him, but he could only turn into a sweet gentle puppy once a month. What must he do to be with the man he loves? My gratitude to Eppie Black and her friend for editing and their helpful suggestions. Disclaimer: Eva Ibbotson and JK Rowling will no doubt scoop out my liver with a ladle and toss it into a bubbling cauldron if they find out what I have done to their plot and characters. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ /
From the day he was born, Severus Snape was predestined to be a Potions Master. The signs were all there: the scowl and sneer on his still chubby face, the greasy hair, and most of all the long hawkish nose which foreshadowed his extraordinary talent to discern the smell of various foul ingredients in potion making. As Severus grew, his interest in the subtle arts of bottling fame, brewing glory, and stoppering death became more obvious. While most of the little wizards and witches hexed their parents with warts, levitated heavy things around their cribs, or like little Minerva, changed the Christmas dinner into a huge rotting mouse spleen, Severus mixed some toadstool, toad sweat, and butter into a Toadifying Potion, which could turn annoying neighbors into toads, at the tender age of four. Thus, it was no surprise for anyone when Severus turned out to be the youngest Potions Master in history after he finished his apprenticeship with the famous alchemist, Nicholas Flamel, who had decided to go to his ‘next great adventure’, whatever that meant. As the only Potions Master of his time, Severus had the obligation of staying and teaching at Hogwarts, a wizarding school where the students’ senses were more ensnared by the arts of broomstick riding and foolish wand waving, no pun intended,[the innuendo stands just as well without that parenthetical statement – I recommend that you remove] than the subtle beauty of simmering flobberworm mucus and newt’s eyeballs. No wonder, he loathed his job so much! Finally the last straw arrived: seven cauldrons exploded in one hour. Severus was not a man who liked to run from his duty, but this was too much. If only he could persuade Headmaster Dumbledore to allow him to give those incompetent brats a dose of their own medicine, literally. “No, Severus. Poisoning students is against the Board’s policy, although I can sympathize with your irrepressible desire to do so.” “But, Albus…” “I am sorry, my child,” replied Dumbledore. His eyes had lost their usual irritating twinkle, for he realized how grave the situation was. The headmaster knew that it was cruel to manipulate Severus to stay at Hogwarts and keep teaching. It was a sacrifice needed for the greater good. Yet, he could not turn a blind eye to Severus’ predicament or the consequences would be grave. The Potion Master had almost transfigured Neville Longbottom into a toad. Dumbledore thought for a moment. “Perhaps there is a way…” _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / If Severus disliked “foolish wand waving”, he loathed the “abstract science of foretelling” even more. He wore his trademarke scowl and gazed into the misty but vague crystal ball in front of him, trying hard not to fall asleep in the incense-filled office of Sybil Trelawney. For the life of him, he could not understand the order to “unleash his imagination and free his soul.” In his opinion, such unrestrained use of the mind would no doubt lead to unrealistic wish-fufillment, like some witches who liked to imagine themselves having billions of Animagus forms and being the partner of the most eligible wizard. Not that Severus had any qualms about the eligible wizard part himself. “What did you see?” whispered Trelawney dramatically, as if they were trying to find the location of the Philosopher’s Stone. The Potions Master fought the urge to roll his eyes. “A wizard,” he said casually. “And?” she probed. “Nothing.” “A wizard! And nothingness!” exclaimed Trelawney, looking very excited. “How enlightening!” Severus sneered. “The Future has revealed
herself to you,” she said in somber voice.
“She has shown that you will be united to a wizard, as dark as
nothingness. And…” Suddenly her eyes rolled
backwards and she looked as if she had fainted. Severus
was about to approach her, to see if she was alright, when she continued her prophecy,
“Afterwards your successor will come forth and she will be greater than you.” The Potion Master looked at
her, wide eyed. The words were cryptic, but her action was even more so. Severus quickly dismissed it as her lame attempt as a drama
queen, after he found out that she was alright. But the prophesy kept
haunting him. “What was the old bat talking about?” he asked Dumbledore afterwards. “Perhaps she meant that you must marry a dark wizard and one of you will bear a child?” The irritating old man shrugged. “Tea, Severus?” But the Potions Master had passed out. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Unlike the idiot children and flaky academics who surrounded him, the Potions Master knew that babies aren’t brought by storks. So he completely discounted the traditional tales about storks giving twin babies to a Potions Master and his younger soul mate. No, Severus Snape DID NOT believe in storks. And above all, not in soulmates. (His conviction of the non-existence of stork babies was backed up by one of his colleagues. “I knew it,” said Hagrid triumphantly. “Ye see, giant babies are too big for storks. I know they use dragons instead…”) Severus knew exactly the mechanism of bearing a child, which is inappropriate to be described here, and that neither he nor any partner he would wish to have, had the necessary components for the taxing process. Perhaps that was why, Severus was nastier and more intimidating after his meeting with Trelawney, spreading terror and fear into every soul who was unlucky enough to cross his path. Although his unpleasantness was so well-known, there were more than few wizards who had the courage to sign up for The First Hogwarts Dark Wizard Pageant, which was held to choose the darkest husband for the esteemed Potions Master. Amongst the self serving wizards who wanted the fame and
prestige of being the spouse of the only Potions Master in Of course, if he had other people’s best interest at heart, he would likely be a Light Wizard. Which was a problem since Severus Snape wanted a Dark Wizard. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Remus Lupin, the newest Hogwart’s Defense Against Dark Arts teacher, was troubled. There were so many wizards competing to win the hand of the man he loved. Although he knew that Severus wasn’t nice, Remus had fallen in love with him at the first insult. Sirius, his best friend had looked at him as if he had gone barmy when Remus told him how much he loved the mean and ugly Potions Master. But who could predict the course of Love? It was like a wind… it blew anywhere it liked… Remus shook his head. Being foolishly poetic was one of symptoms of falling in love, like Ginny Weasley who admired the pickled-toad-like quality of Harry Potter’s eyes, but this was too much. Severus wouldn’t appreciate his silly poems. “Are you alright, Professor?” asked Hermione Granger, his most perceptive student. “I am fine, Hermione,” Remus replied politely. “You look unwell.” Harry look concerned. Harry Potter was the godson of Sirius Black, and a close friend of Hermione. Together with Ron, they formed an inseparable friendship. Harry had bright green eyes and untamable hair. He was a nice boy who liked to help anyone in need, including a baby dragon. Perhaps he could help Remus. Remus sighed. “Well, you see. I...” He blushed. The Trio exchanged glances. They knew Remus was in love with their Potions Master, though they were even more confused than Sirius, who at least admitted that Severus Snape had arse made for sin (“What does that mean?” Ron whispered to Hermione, who threw him a Look.) “It’s alright, Professor,” Hermione said empathically. “We understand.” Of course, she did, what with the amount of books about Love she had read. “We will help you win The First Hogwarts Dark Wizard Pageant.” “Thank you.” Remus smiled to his students, grateful for their support, but in doubt of their success. He only wished that the Trio wouldn’t back down when they found out how dark he could be. After all, what else could be darker than a werewolf? _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / The first wizard who was about to show his darkness was a famous author, Gilderoy Lockhart. After the launching of “Magical Me”, which incomprehensibly became the best seller for months, he decided to pursue another challenge in notoriety. Lockhart walked to the front of the Great Hall, flashed his charming smile to the audience, and bowed graciously toward the jurors: Severus Snape, Bartholomeus Crouch, who loved nothing better than a public trial, and Severus’ only friend, the Bloody Baron. Ron and Harry rolled their eyes. “Bet he can’t even catch a pixy,” Ron muttered. He got a dirty look from Hermione for that. Lockhart gave the entire Hall a good view of his pearly white teeth for few seconds before he presented a cage with a bound vampire in it. There were loud “ohhh” and “ahhh” from the audience, though whether this was for the vampire or the blinding smile, Remus couldn’t tell. He looked to the jurors and found the keeper of his heart scowling at Lockhart’s dramatic display. Ah, such a charming feature, Remus began to daydream, another symptom of being in love. Severus’ hawkish nose was so striking, like an aristocrat’s, and his lips, his scowling red lips, as beautiful as a red rose at its full bloom. And his hair! His hair was like a shadowy curtain framing his handsome face, just like … A roar of laughter. Remus blinked. He focused back on his surrounding and found most of people were guffawing, clutching their stomachs or rolling on the floor. Severus’s expression darkened, which Remus found adorable, and he continued his poetic daydreaming. Only after they were out of the Hall, did Remus learn that Lockhart had managed to make himself a complete idiot by being kissed passionately by the vampire he was trying to vanquish. As the result, the jurors gave him two out of ten. Remus was certain that Severus would give Lockhart minus point if he could. Nevertheless, one competitor had failed, leaving bigger chance for Remus. Who was so thrilled at the prospect that he didn’t notice the coming of the full moon and transformed to his werewolf form right in front of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / The children were frozen in horror at the gruesome sight of Remus’ lycanthropic change. His muscles and bones were bent and twisted, and he let out a sharp cry in pain. By merlin’s sake, how could he be so stupid as to forget about the full moon? It was the last human thought Remus retained before the wolf completely took over. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Wide eyed, Harry, the bravest of the Trio approached the animal in front of them, still stunned of the incident that took place before his eyes. His teacher was a were… cub? “Hermione?” Harry asked his equally bewildered friend, while the overgrown wolf cub was licking his hand in his puppyish excitement. “What happened?” She shook her head. The cub was now knocking Ron to the ground and slobbering all over his face, wagging its tail furiously. What had happened here? “I need to find something at the library,” she said and ran toward the castle. “Hurry,” Ron pleaded, for once not berating his friend about her faith in books. The exuberance cub had tried to play wrestle with him. Not that it was a bad thing, but this was Remus! Their professor against the Dark Arts. The situation was beyond weird, if not downright disturbing. Finally, the boys relented and played with the cub, who was more like a puppy than a wolf cub. They wrestled with him for a bit, then they threw sticks for him to fetch. Hermione found them trying to teach the cub, Remus, sit and stay. Her eyes bulged at the sight. “It looks like he likes us,” said Harry wryly. “Sit, boy,” ordered a very amused Ron. “Now, stay.” Hermione raised her eyebrows. She looked eerily like Snape when she did so, thought Harry. “What did you find?” he asked. She took a deep breath and began to explain. “The curse of a were-cub isn’t as well known as the curse of a werewolf, but basically it’s the same. Like you already must know, the person has to be bitten by a werewolf in order to be infected. It’s the same to were-cub. The were-cub was once bitten by a werewolf.” “Then why doesn’t he change into a werewolf?” Harry asked, petting Remus whose tongue was lolling out in exhaustion after playing for hours. Hermione sighed. “This is where our problems lie. Ordinary wizards and witches will turned into werewolves if they’re bitten by one. The only exception is if they are too White, too kind, so that even the darkness of the lycanthrope’s curse can’t touch their heart.” “You mean…” Hermione nodded. “If Remus is so Light that the werewolf curse can only turn into a puppy then we have no hope of winning the contest.” “Poor Remus,” Ron sighed. It was kind of weird to call this… cub… professor. The little wolf gave him a pleading look. Ron could only roll his eyes at the antique and scratch the cub on his belly. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / When Hermione broke the news to him the next day, Remus was devastated. Even more so when the next contestant, Walden MacNair showed his aptness at cursing a poor lamb with Imperio and making it jump into the lake. Remus was not only concerned with the lamb, but he also had the sinking realization that he would fail to win the heart of Severus Snape. His heart lightened a bit when the giant squid threw the lamb out from the lake. He immediately tended the frightened creature, earning an exasperated look from the Trio who had persuaded him to try and act as if he were a Dark Wizard. Remus shook his head sadly as the lamb slept on his lap. No, he could not become a Dark Wizard. He was too soft-hearted, too nice, too polite, too… Well, at least MacNair only earned a four with his botched attempt at forcing the poor lamb to commit suicide. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Harry, Ron, and Hermione tried to help their favorite teacher by training him to perform Dark Arts. It was like training Severus Snape to smile, really. Dejectedly Remus stared at the spiders he should have hexed with Cruciatus, but the curse only worked if the caster really wanted it. Hurting any beings was by far the most loathed thing for Remus. “This is hopeless,” grumbled Ron. “Ron, we mustn’t give up,” chastised Hermione. The red haired boy only rolled his eyes. “It’s obvious that Professor Lupin is as White as the snow. No offense to you, Sir,” he quickly apologized. “No. No, you are right.” Remus offered a small smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I just have to accept the fact that I am White, a Light Wizard. And if that isn’t what Severus is looking for then there is nothing I can do.” _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / “We must help him,” Harry said solemnly. It had been a month ever since the spider incident, when Remus decided to give up. The mild mannered DADA professor looked more miserable day by day. He was still nice and kind to his students, and tried hard to cheer up when he was teaching, but his action could not fool the Trio. “He’s mad! Why would anyone feel sad for Snape?” Ron responded. “Love is such a mysterious thing,” sighed Hermione dreamily. “You are right, Harry. We have to help him.” _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / So it was. The Trio spent most of their free time in the Library, much to Ron’s chagrin, and to Hermione’s excitement. Harry himself was wondering if they were doing the right thing by trying to change Remus into a Dark Wizard. After all, it wasn’t as if the Wizarding World had any need more of them. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Remus’ turn was approaching fast, and the odds were against them. Regulus Black had successfully cast Cruciatus on several hippogriffs at once, earning him seven points from the jury. Lucius Malfoy beat him by killing two dragons at once with the Killing Curse. Remus buried for the poor creatures while weeping for his lost Severus. Ah, Love was so beautiful, though the pain was immense. Remus only hoped Severus would be happy with his husband, whoever it would be. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ /
Meanwhile, the Trio’s persistence had yielded an interesting result. “I found something!” shouted an excited Hermione, earning herself a harsh reprimand from Madam Pince, the librarian. “What did you find?” whispered her friends, wary of the Madam’s Pince anger. “I found a way to make Remus become a real werewolf,” she answered triumphantly. “How?” “See this?” She pointed at the opened page from the large tome in front of her. “This is the formula for Wolfsbane Potion, the potion to help a werewolf keeps his human mind during the time he changes. I think I can tweak it a bit so that it will mature the cub and bring out the aggressive side of Professor Lupin while he changes.” Ron and Harry stared at the most complicated formula they had ever seen, to each other, and then to Hermione. “You can do that?” they asked in the same time. The girl smiled brightly. “It will be an exciting challenge, don’t you think? _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / It took almost a month of trial and error, hours of frustrations and dead ends, not to mention tons of disgusting ingredients to chop, skin, and clean. The fumes were unbearable, but the Trio kept working, motivated by their affection for their teacher. Even though they tried their best, they still couldn’t whip out a satisfactory potion. “I am sorry, Professor, but this Potion only works for fifteen minutes after you transform. We just hope that it’s enough to convince the jurors that you’re a true werewolf,” said Hermione apologetically. Remus took the steaming goblet from his student and smiled gratefully. “How can I ever thank you…” “Don’t mention it, Professor.” Ron waved his hand dismissively. “Just do us a favor, and soften Professor Snape a bit after you’re married, will you?” Remus laughed heartily at the request. “I will,” he promised, and downed the foul tasting Potion at once. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / The plan was a great success. Remus transformed in the large cage which was prepared for the occasion, winning the hearts of the jurors, and most importantly, his heart’s desire: Severus Snape, who was already fantasizing about the potion ingredients he could obtain from his future husband - werewolf fangs, werewolf furs, and various werewolf bodily fluids. Severus Snape smiled dreamily. He had fallen in love… Remus Lupin was soon declared a winner, and the marriage ceremony would be held in a week. The Trio made an excuse to take the cage and the wolf away from the Hall, muttering some nonsense about the safety of people. In actually, they wanted to set Remus aside before he transformed back into his cute self. That was when the accident occurred. It seemed that Hermione had not only brought out aggressiveness in Remus’ wolf self, she also strengthened the wolf. He kept banging the cage door violently, and the lock snapped open. The wolf immediately leaped and knocked down the nearest person to him, Harry Potter. Before anyone could react, the wolf had lowered his fangs to tear the boy’s throat. The next scene would be unforgettable to everyone in the Hall, because just when the wolf was about to bite Harry, the Potion wore off. Everyone stared in disbelief as the wolf… the cub was now licking Harry with enthusiasm while wagging its tail. The Trio groaned. The look on Severus Snape’s eyes was murderous. Albus Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. The rest of the audience was still too aghast to react. “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” bellowed the angry Potions Master. “I … We can explain, Professor,” stuttered Hermione, the prospect of becoming a dentist like her parents was beginning to look more and more attractive. “You better be, or you’ll serve detention preparing disembowel rat’s spleen every night for the rest of your stay in this school,” Severus replied, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Still stammering in fear, Hermione began to explain while the wolf cub kept licking the helpless Harry, oblivious of the mess he had just created. Hermione had reached the end of her story, eyes glued to the floor all the way. Looks might not kill, but you couldn’t be sure when it came to Severus Snape. After a while, she realized that there was no shouting, yelling, detentions, or points taken and dared to take a peek. Severus Snape was stunned. As a Potion Master, he was familiar with the Wolfsbane Potion, but even he hadn’t succeeded in tampering with the formula even after years of research. But this girl, this fifth grade Gryffindor student had not only managed to brew the potion correctly, she had also changed the formula in less than a month. And the potion had worked as expected. Realization dawned on him. He had found his successor. He smiled. Hermione had never been so frightened before. Severus Snape. Smile. At her. To give her credit she managed not to run or pass out while many adults more courageous than her would have wet themselves at the sight. “I have decided on your punishment,” Severus smirked cruelly. “You will be my apprentice starting tomorrow and will help me in my lab every day until you graduate. Then you will take your Masters exam and upon your passing it you will take my place as the Potions Master of this school.” “But… but….” “But what, young lady?” Severus’ voice was menacing. “I needn’t tell you the punishment for unauthorized Potion brewing and lying to teachers as you have obviously read the Hogwarts: The History at least a dozen times. Do you want to clean animal intestines for the rest of your days as a student here? Or fetch the skins of Blast Ended Skrewts, hmm? Perhaps being a tester for my experimental Potion is more suited to your taste?” “No… Sir… I mean…. Thank you, Sir.” She inwardly she was
beaming. Being an apprentice to the greatest Potion Master in Severus nodded approvingly. “Er… Sir,” Harry daringly spoke up. “What?” Severus snapped. “Er.. how about Professor Lupin, Sir?” “What about him?” “Will you and he… er… married?” “Of course, we will. Why do you ask?” After all the werecub’s furs, fangs, and various bodily fluids were even rarer than a werewolf’s. “Nothing, Sir. Thank you, Sir,” Harry beamed widely. Perhaps Severus Snape wasn’t as bad as he previously thought. “I object.” Everyone turned and saw an indignant Lucius Malfoy. “Remus Lupin won under false pretenses. It’s obvious that I am the one who should take the prize, so to speak.” The Trio looked at each other, having unsurprisingly similar thought. Poor Professor Lupin. “Of course, Mr. Malfoy,” said Dumbledore cheerily. ‘Of course, it is only fair that you win. What do you think, Severus?” The Potion Master smiled nastily. “Evidently, he wins, Headmaster. And as the winner we will wed in a week. Now if you excuse me, I have to brew the Fertility Potion for him to drink. My heir is lucky to have a Malfoy as his mother.” At this statement, Lucius Malfoy high-tailed it back to Malfoy Manor at top speed. _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / Thus, this story ended happily, like all fairy tales in the world. Once they knew of the “prophecy’s” stipulation that there be a child of the union, Lucius Malfoy, and all other contestants, declined furiously to claim the prize of the winner of The First Hogwarts Dark Wizard Pageant, leaving the joyful Remus Lupin as the only contestant – and thus, the winner. Hermione became the youngest Potions Master in history and her skill surpassed Severus Snape, which was fine for the Potion Master, who had found his happiness in the arms of his new were-cub husband. Despite his husband’s strange predicament, Severus showed that other side that only Remus had guessed existed: his loyalty and devotion, and above all, his gentle, loving, cuddly sides that were unseen from everyone but the eyes of someone who truly loved him. It didn’t take long before Severus annulled his declaration that there was no such thing as soulmates. After all, he had found one. A month after their wedding, Hagrid saw a stork flying to Hogwarts, bringing the newly weds a bundle of joy. *fin* _ _ / \/ \ \ / \ / \ / A/N: - I didn’t invent Toadifying Potion. The creators of Sims Makin Magic did. - “Unleash your imagination and free your soul” is FF.net’s motto. Ten points to people who recognize the joke. - Stork babies to the Potion Master and his soulmate is a concept I borrow from Drusilla Dax’s Snarry fic. Too bad I forget the title.
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