Main NCSI Slash page | The new stories | Tony/Gibbs stories | Other pairings stories | Het stories | Gen NCIS stories
Title: Always Something There To Remind Me
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Table: 20 in 20 Challenge, tv_universe
Prompt: 3, Yellow
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.***
Jimmy stared at himself in the mirror, wishing that he could avoid looking at the bruises on his body. they had been fading rapidly, but they were still there, turning from black and purple to green, then to yellow. Most of them were almost gone at this point.
But not completely. He raised a hand to cover a bruise on his chest, wincing as he did so, though his touch wasn't really painful.
It had been two weeks now, but the bruises still weren't completely gone. He wanted them to disappear, and for the memories to go with them.
Of course, they wouldn't. Those memories would always be around.
Jimmy sighed softly, closing his eyes and leaning against the counter, glad that he'd locked the bathroom door. He didn't want Tim to see him like this; he didn't want his boyfriend to think that he was weak, that he wasn't going to recover from this.
Yes, he would recover. Eventually. He was a strong person; he always had been. He wasn't going to let this destroy him.
But there were times when he felt as though he was falling to pieces, times when he just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. He knew that it was the trauma assaulting him; he knew that the need for self-pity would pass. But that didn't make it any easier to deal with.
Especially not when there was always something there to remind him of what had happened.
The bruises had been a constant reminder. Once they were gone, maybe it would be easier to put all that had taken place into the back of his mind. But for the moment, the memories were still as fresh as though it had only happened yesterday.
He still woke at night with horrific dreams, and Tim held him through the rest of the night, murmuring to him that it was going to be all right.
He felt better when Tim held him, but still, the memories didn't go away just because his boyfriend's arms were around him and Tim was holding him close. He could still feel their cold breath on the back of his neck, feel them threatening to take over again.
If only they would go away for good, and leave him in peace.
The bruises would vanish, but the memories never would. He knew that. He knew that they would always be there, ready to jump out and attack him.
He didn't want to spend the rest of his life avoiding those memories, or trying to pretend that they didn't affect him. But at the same time, he didn't want to let them loom so large that they were always there in the background, coloring everything he did.
They couldn't be allowed to ruin his life -- or Tim's. Jimmy's lips firmed into a thin line; he frowned at himself in the mirror, one hand covering the bruise on his chest. The yellowing area could barely be seen now; soon, the bruise would be gone for good.
Still, there would always be something there to remind him.
Jimmy was sure that memories would come to the surface when he least expected them to for a long time to come. Maybe they would even keep coming back to him for the rest of his life. Maybe he would never be able to feel completely free and at ease again.
Well, that was a depressing thought. He didn't want to think that his life would be so overshadowed by one -- albeit traumatic event that he would never be able to get over it and move past what had been done to him.
He took a deep breath, standing up straight and gazing at himself in the mirror. No. He wasn't going to let this beat him down .He was stronger than that.
And he had Tim by his side, to help him with all of this.
That thought finally made him smile. As long as he had Tim in his life, he would be all right. Tim wasn't going to let him go; Tim wasn't going to let him give in to fear or despair. Tim would be there for him; his boyfriend would help him battle his demons.
He wasn't going to give up. The memories might always be there in the background to remind him, but he didn't have to let them take center stage.
This wasn't going to devastate him. Not by a long shot.
It might not be easy to get his life back together, but he had Tim to help him. He wasn't alone. Jimmy took a step back from the mirror, adjusting the towel around his waist and turning to open the door. The day ahead beckoned, and he was ready to face it.***