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Title: The Consequences of Caring
By: Paige
Pairing: pre-slash Gibbs/DiNozzo
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Spoilers for Requiem.
Note:This is an answer to a bunny/challenge issued by Kathleen Moran on the NCISSlash group on Yahoo.
Summary: Tony's dive to save Gibbs and Maddie has serious consequences. This will be slash so don't read it if you don't like that sort of thing.

***

Tony stared at Dr. Pitt in horror, "What are you saying?"

Dr. Pitt looked sorrowful, "I'm sorry Tony, but that dive you took to save Agent Gibbs did more damage to your lungs and I can't in good conscience clear you for field duty." He let that sink in before continuing, "I'll start the paperwork for your discharge. You also qualify for disability and workman's comp if you want."

Tony sat there in absolute disbelief, "What-What do I do now? What are my options?" He wouldn't be able to get another law-enforcement job unless it was dispatch and Tony couldn't picture himself pushing papers or living off the government for the rest of his life.

Dr. Pitt shrugged, "My only real suggestion is that you relocate to somewhere warm and dry like the Southwest to try and stave off further infections."

Thirty minutes later, Tony was heading back to NCIS Headquarters, his thoughts in turmoil. He couldn't believe that after almost seven years, his job with NCIS was over unless Gibbs could find a way to circumvent the medical discharge papers sitting on the passenger seat of his car and if not Gibbs, then maybe Director Shepperd since she still owed him big time for the La Grenouille fiasco.

It hurt so bad that he might have to leave a job he loved so much because of a dive to save his boss, who had never thanked him for saving his life and had never shown any concern for his well-being until the cough that had been nagging at him since that fateful dive had become a serious problem, especially when they were out at crime scenes. Gibbs had roughly ordered Tony to the doctor's with the warning to not come back until he was cleared. Which now looked like never.

Tony shook his head, he couldn't think like that. If there was a way around this, Gibbs would find it, the older man had never let him down when Tony had needed him most. A sudden coughing fit sprang up, causing him to have to pull over until he had it under control. He tried to shake off the fear the spell had stirred up but it nagged him almost as much as the cough itself.

As he walked into the bullpen, Tony was stunned by the absolute chaos the area was in. McGee and Ziva were rushing around the room, Gibbs growling into his phone, clearly something was going on. He walked over to McGee's desk with a perplexed look on his face, "Hey Probie, what's going on?"

McGee shook his head, "Can't talk right now, Tony. We've got six dead Navy SEALs found inside a warehouse in Puerto Rico." He scurried off, presumably to Abby.

Tony frowned and turned to ask Ziva but she was already gone, he walked over to Gibbs' desk, "Hey boss, what's-" he didn't get anything else out before another violent coughing fit hit him out of nowhere, causing him to double over. Unfortunately, that's what Gibbs saw.

"DiNozzo! I thought I told you to not come back until you were cleared by a doctor," Gibbs snarled, his blue eyes icy as he looked at his pale senior agent. "Go home, you're no good to me when you're so sick you can't stand up straight."

"But I…need to talk… to you about something… boss," Tony gasped trying to get oxygen back into his lungs, but by the time he managed to get his breath back, Gibbs was already gone and the bullpen was quiet.

Tony sat down at his desk with a sigh and a heavy heart. Even though he hadn't had the chance to explain what was going on, Gibbs had managed to hit the nail on the head; Tony was no good like this and he wasn't going to be cleared by a doctor. It was no use, his career was over.

Hanging his head, he dug out the medical discharge paperwork, his badge and his gun and stared at them for a long moment before he switched on his computer and began to type.

***

Week Later

Gibbs and his team were exhausted as they trudged into the bullpen. The case in Puerto Rico had lasted a lot longer than any of them expected and the depressing conclusion of it, combined with the fact that they were a man down had made the case seem longer and harder, especially without Tony's insights.

Tony. All through the past week, Gibbs' thoughts had kept turning to his senior agent. He'd been growing increasingly concerned by Tony's ill-health and his part in it. It had been after Tony had dived into that icy water to save Maddie and himself that he'd begun coughing so much and with increasing force. He'd ordered the young man to the doctor while trying to quell his feelings of guilt over Tony's condition.

Looking around, Gibbs was worried and a little angry to not find his senior agent waiting for them. He'd called Jenny to tell her that they were on their way back and he'd assumed she'd tell Tony and that Tony would be waiting for them.

But maybe he was being unfair, Tony had been pretty ill when Gibbs had last seen him; maybe he hadn't been cleared by Dr. Pitt yet, or maybe it had gotten late and he'd just decided to go home.

Gibbs pulled out his cellphone and looked at it; he was tempted to call Tony up, just to check on him, but a look at the time put a halt to that urge. Tony was probably sound asleep and Gibbs was reluctant to wake him up; that would be playing the bastard a little too much. He put his phone up and barked at Ziva and McGee to go home, they had the next few days off barring a big case. As he stalked out, he missed the envelopes sitting on Tony's desk.

Three days later

McGee was worried; it was 9:30 and Tony wasn't in yet, there had been no phone call and he kept getting Tony's voicemail on his cellphone. Calls to his land line got him a message saying that Tony's phone had been disconnected, which probably meant that the lines in Tony's neighborhood were out again.

McGee fidgeted, as often as Tony got on his nerves, the older man usually called in if he was going to be late. Plus Tony had looked so sick when McGee had seen him last that he wanted to be sure Tony was okay.

"Any luck," Ziva asked from her desk, a concerned look on her face.

McGee shook his head, "None. He's not answering his cell and I keep getting a message saying that his phone has been disconnected.

Ziva looked worried, "Maybe he's still out sick. Gibbs told him not to come back until a doctor cleared him."

McGee frowned, "But that doesn't explain why he's not answering his phones. Plus, I'm sure Director Sheppard told him we would be back today."

Ziva's frown deepened as she tried to think of any reason for Tony to not answer his phone but couldn't come up with one. "Let's check his desk, maybe he left a note or something and we missed it."

McGee got up and went over to Tony's desk and froze when he saw an envelope addressed to Gibbs with another envelope beneath it addressed to the entire team, "Uh oh."

Ziva looked up, "What? What's wrong?"

McGee's eyes were wide as he held up the envelope. "It's addressed to Gibbs. And there's another one addressed to all of us."

Ziva's dark eyes looked worried as she came over to the desk and looked over McGee's shoulder, "Open it."

McGee took a deep breath, hoping against hope that it wasn't what he was sure it was and gently peeled open the envelope. But any hope he had was dashed when he read the first line.

'Special Agent Gibbs, please accept my official letter of resignation from the Naval Criminal Investigation Service."

McGee and Ziva looked at each other, both of them thinking the same thing; 'Gibbs is going to be pissed.'

***

Gibbs stormed into the bullpen, he'd overslept for the first time in years and then his favorite coffee shop hadn't had his favorite hazelnut creamer. Then, he'd hit every red light between the coffee shop and NCIS Headquarters so his coffee was lukewarm instead of hot.

As he headed for his desk, he scowled upon seeing McGee and Ziva at Tony's desk, looking at a piece of paper.

"McGee! Ziva! Is the government paying you to sit around on your asses? You both have reports to do, get to it!"

McGee and Ziva didn't move, they just looked at each other and then at the letter McGee was holding.

Gibbs stormed over, "Did you two hear me?" He paused when he realized that he didn't see Tony anywhere, "Where the hell is DiNozzo?"

McGee and Ziva gave each other a long look before McGee cautiously handed Gibbs the paper they were looking at and then both of them scrambled to their desks.

Gibbs took the paper and stared at it for a minute before handing to McGee, "Read it out loud, I left my glasses in the car."

McGee gulped as he took the paper from Gibbs' hands and began to read,

"Special Agent Gibbs, please accept my letter of resignation from the Naval Criminal Investigation Service, effective immediately. My reason for leaving on such short notice is that I am simply physically unable to continue as an agent any longer, which is why I am not giving a two weeks notice.

I understand that I am leaving you short handed but Special Agent McGee is more than ready to step into the senior agent position and will do well there.

Anthony Dominic DiNozzo."

McGee folded the paper, taking care to crease it right so it would fit into the envelope again. He was stalling because he was afraid of what he would see when he looked up again. Finally, he couldn't stall anymore and hazarded a glance up at Gibbs and automatically wished that he hadn't.

Gibbs was standing there and, if one didn't know better, looked as if he hadn't heard a word of the letter. But McGee and Ziva could see a vein pulsing in Gibbs' forehead and his fists were clenching. Without a word he ripped the envelope from McGee's hands and stormed off, presumably to Director Sheppard's office. Leaving McGee and Ziva alone and very glad that they weren't Director Sheppard.

Gibbs stormed into Jenny's office, not bothering to even make a pretense of knocking, "What the hell is this?!" He waved the envelope under Jenny's nose.

Jenny looked up over her glasses, "Jethro, I've asked you repeatedly not to come barging in here. And please don't shout."

Gibbs growled, "Don't start that with me Jen. Did you know about this?!"

Jenny looked at the envelope, "You mean Tony's resignation? Yes, I did know."

Gibbs looked at her, absolutely flabbergasted at her calm demeanor, "Why wasn't I informed?! I'm DiNozzo's immediate supervisor! I should've been informed immediately!"

Jenny rolled her eyes, "Jethro, you've been in Puerto Rico on a case for the last week. Besides, given the circumstances it wouldn't have mattered if Tony had waited for you or not."

Gibbs scowled, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Jenny sighed and reached into her desk, pulling out some paperwork and handing it to him, "Tony came to me last week, saying that he'd visited Doctor Pitt about his chronic coughing. Unfortunately Doctor Pitt discovered that Tony's swims to rescue you and Maddie Tyler caused an infection which did more damage to Tony's already damaged lungs and that Tony could not be cleared for duty. And due to the amount of damage, Tony was given paperwork for a medical discharge."

Gibbs sank down into one of the chairs in front of the desk, "When was this?"

Jenny sighed again, "The day you and the rest of the team left for Puerto Rico."

Gibbs felt his heart sink and a sudden memory flashed through his mind of the last time he'd seen Tony. "But I…need to talk… to you about something… boss." God, Tony must've been trying to tell him what Dr. Pitt had said, maybe hoping that Gibbs would be able to find a way around the medical discharge that would end any chance of him finding another job in law enforcement. And he'd just yelled at him and walked away without even asking him what was wrong. And it was HIS fault that Tony was sick again in the first place.

He was quiet for several minutes, staring at the paperwork before asking his next question, "Is there any way Tony could stay on with NCIS?"

Jenny shook her head, "No. I actually asked Tony to hold off doing anything until I could make a few phone calls. I called everyone I could think of and looked over all the rules and there is no way that Tony could stay on as an agent. He would not be able to pass the endurance tests required. I told Tony that and offered to help him in any way possible."

"Did he say what he was going to do? Is he still in DC?"

Jenny shrugged, "I honestly don't know. He said that Doctor Pitt had recommended that he move to somewher warm and dry in order to stave off further infections. But when I spoke to him last, he hadn't made any definite decisions."

"When did you talk to him last," Gibbs asked, his voice quiet.

"About five days ago, when I called to tell him that there was no way that I could find that would allow him to stay at NCIS. He thanked me for trying and said that he would be coming in to drop off his badge and gun and to clean out his desk." She looked at Gibbs, sorrow in her eyes, "I'm sorry Jethro, I did everything I could."

Gibbs nodded, knowing that Jenny wasn't bullshitting this time. But that didn't quell his desire to find Tony and try to make things right.

***

When Gibbs got back to the bullpen, he found McGee, Ziva, Abby and Ducky gathered around Tony's desk staring at an envelope. "What's that?"

McGee sighed, "It's a letter from Tony addressed to all of us." He looked at him, "Is Tony coming back?" They all looked at Gibbs, hopeful that their leader would tell them that this was just a mis-understanding and that Tony would be back in a few days and everything will be back to normal.

Gibbs bit his lip, "Have you read the letter?" He was stalling, a rare thing for him, but he hoped that Tony's letter would give him some clue as to where he was.

McGee shook his head, "No. We were waiting for you to get back." He peeled the envelope open and pulled out a letter.

"Dear Abby, Ducky, McGee and Ziva,

If you're reading this, then Jenny had no luck trying to find a way for me to stay on at NCIS. I'm sorry for not being there to tell you all goodbye in person but I don't think I'd be able to express this properly.

First off, I wanna say that what's wrong with me isn't terminal. I'm not dying, not yet anyway, I just physically can't be an agent anymore.

Abby, you've been the little sister I never had. You've always been there when I needed a laugh or a shoulder to cry on. I doubt very seriously that I would've stayed as long as I have if it hadn't been for you. Thank you for being my friend. I'll miss you but I promise to contact you as soon as I figure out what I'm going to do.

Ducky, you're probably the closest thing to a father I've ever had. My own father never gave a damn about me, but you did, even though I didn't always make it easy. Please don't worry or think that this is somehow your fault. I'll be sure to keep you updated on how I'm doing.

McGee, I know I haven't always made your life easy and I know I've made you pretty angry at times by teasing you. I hope you realize I was joking most of the time. You're Gibbs' senior agent now, I know you'll do a great job. Don't worry about not being ready, I wasn't ready when I made senior agent. Don't forget about the requisition paperwork. The book I made up is in my desk. I've also left my calender that has the dates for when things are due marked. Take care of Abby for me.

P.S: Gibbs' awards are in my bottom left desk drawer, he'll probably have you accept them from now on.

Ziva, I have to say that we've come a long way from the first time we met after Kate's death. I have to say you've become a good friend and someone I trusted out in the field. Take care of yourself.

I'll miss all of you. Please take care of each other.

Love,

Tony."

Gibbs felt moisture in his eyes but he forced it back and looked at his team. Abby was sobbing into McGee's shoulder, Ziva was wiping tears off of her face, McGee wasn't crying but his eye were noticably wet and Ducky was wiping at his eyes with a handkerchief.

Gibbs stared at the letter still in McGee's hands, he was sure it hadn't escaped anyone's notice that he himself wasn't addressed in the letter. He couldn't understand why, even if Tony didn't have glowing words of praise or love for him, he'd at least expected something, even if it was a 'Screw you, you bastard'.

"Why are you just standing there?!" He looked up to see Abby glaring at him, her make-up streaked and smeared down her face. "It's your fault he's sick and you're just gonna stand there?!" She stormed over and stood glaring at Gibbs, which would've been intimidating if her make-up wasn't running down her face and her nose wasn't swollen from crying. She began jabbing her index fingernail into his chest.

"If you hadn't gone running off with Maddie Tyler, you wouldn't have ended in that water and Tony wouldn't have had to dive in after you and he wouldn't have gotten sick and he wouldn't have to leave." She pointed to the door, "Go TALK to him. At least tell him you're sorry for ruining his career."

"I agree with Abigail, Jethro," Ducky said, tucking his handkerchief into his pocket, "You at least owe Anthony that much, seeing as how you never thanked him for saving you in the first place." McGee and Ziva nodded their agreement.

Gibbs stood there for a moment glaring at his team until he realized that they weren't going to back down. With a sigh, he grabbed his jacket and headed for the parking lot.

***

Gibbs pulled up to Tony's apartment with a feeling of trepidation. Even though he secretly agreed with his team that he needed to talk to Tony, he couldn't help but wonder if Tony would even talk to him. The fact that he wasn't addressed in Tony's farewell letter told him that most likely Tony was blaming him for the end of a career that he'd been very proud of.

He stared up at the window that he knew belonged to Tony's apartment. The light wasn't on but that didn't mean anything, Tony could be asleep or just had the lights off. He noticed that he didn't see Tony's car anywhere so he decided to wait in the apartment until Tony got back.

He walked up the three flights of stairs to Tony's door and fished out his key out. After taking a deep breath, he inserted his key into the lock, walked in and froze.

Tony's stuff was gone, all of it. Even the ugly end table that had been in the apartment when Tony had moved in was gone. Feeling panicked, Gibbs rushed into Tony's bedroom to find it empty too, the closet emptied out of all the expensive suits Tony liked so much. A quick check of his bathroom and the missing toiletries confirmed Gibbs' fears; Tony had left town, he was too late.

Gibbs trudged back into the living room, feeling very hollow when he spied an envelope on the floor against the wall. Bending down to pick it up, he saw that his name was written on the envelope.

He sat down in the middle of Tony's empty apartment with the envelope in his hands and stared at it for several minutes before opening it.

'Gibbs,

I figured you'd be the one to come looking for me after you found out what happened. I'm sure you're wondering why you weren't addressed in the letter I left for the team. The reason was that what I have to say, I didn't want the rest of the team to know.

The truth is Gibbs, I haven't been completely honest with you or the team. It's nothing illegal or anything like that but it is something I think you should know. I'm bisexual and I've been attracted to you for a long time.

Now before you freak out, no one knows about this, not even Abby; though she's probably already figured it out knowing her. I guess if you want to know how long this has been going, I'd say that I've been feeling this way for at least three years.

I don't expect anything, I doubt you feel the same way, which is why I never said anything while I was at NCIS. I figured since my law enforcement career is now over and I'm probably never going to see you again, it was now or never.

I'm sure you're blaming yourself for my discharge or Abby's blaming you enough for a couple of people. Don't worry about it, the only sure thing is change. McGee has what it takes to be a good senior agent.

Thank you for giving me a chance and for putting up with me when most people would've had me out on my ass a long time ago and for being one of the few people I've ever trusted.

Tony.'

Gibbs sat there, staring at the letter, he wasn't surprised that Tony had predicted that he would come looking for him, but he was shocked by Tony's confession. Tony was in love with HIM, Leroy Jethro Gibbs? How was that possible and how could he not have noticed it?

Feeling confused and hollow, Gibbs folded up the letter and stuck it into his pocket before getting to his feet with a groan and heading back downstairs. After speaking to Tony's former landlady, Gibbs turned over the spare key he'd had for the past seven years and left the apartment complex feeling less than he had when he'd left NCIS Headquarters.

When Gibbs stepped back into the bullpen, Abby ran up to him, "Gibbs! Did you talk to Tony?" Her face was so hopeful, certain that Gibbs had somehow managed to fix things.

Gibbs took a deep breath to steady himself before lowering the bombshell, "Tony's gone, Abby."

Abby frowned, "What?"

Gibbs shook his head, "Tony's left town. His apartment was completely cleaned out and his landlady said that Tony had moved out a few days ago and didn't leave a forwarding address."

Abby stared at him for a long minute before turning around and storming off. McGee and Ziva both glared at him before turning back to their paperwork, leaving what had been Tony's desk empty.

Gibbs sat down at his own desk and tried to focus on his own paperwork that needed to be done. He'd had agents quit on him before but somehow, this hurt more and it felt more final. Tony was gone and he had no idea where he was and Tony wasn't coming back.

***

Life goes on. That cliché was certainly true for Gibbs' team. Slowly, everyone adjusted to the new dynamics of the team. McGee was coming into his own as senior agent, though he still had a lot to learn that had been almost second nature to Tony given his experience as a cop, but he was learning. Ziva was getting better at working in a team enviroment, though she still got her slang wrong sometimes.

The one who seemed to be taking Tony's departure the hardest was Abby. Even though she had apologized for blaming him for Tony's departure, it had taken a few weeks before their relationship was back to the way it had been before Maddie. Even so, she'd set up a mini-shrine to Tony with pictures of him and little trinkets he'd gotten for her over the years all over her lab; there was a picture of a sketch of Tony that Kate had done as a wallpaper on Abby's computer. The whole thing had raised Gibbs' suspicions until McGee pointed out that Abby had done a similar thing for him when he'd briefly retired. Though McGee had also commented that her tribute to Gibbs hadn't been as big as the one to Tony.

Ducky had come around eventually too, though Gibbs still heard Ducky ask Abby if she'd heard from Tony. Apparently Tony hadn't gotten in touch with Abby like he'd said he would. Abby had said that most likely Tony had either not found a place to live or didn't have any news and didn't want to worry them.

As for Gibbs, he spent whatever time he wasn't working thinking about his and Tony's relationship, turning over every moment they'd spent together, trying to see if there had been any sign that Tony's feelings were what he claimed they were and his own feelings as well. He was attracted to Tony, the younger man had something about him that drew people to him, Gibbs included. But Gibbs couldn't say that it was love in the sexual sense but he couldn't deny the fantasies he'd had involving Tony over the years either.

Tony had been gone almost four months when Abby came bounding into the bullpen with a big smile on her face, "I got an email from Tony!"

It was a good thing that they had no cases because everyone, Gibbs included, rushed to Abby's lab and gathered around her computer.

'Dear Abby,

Sorry it's taken me so long to contact you but I haven't had a lot of time between moving and getting everything set up in my new home. For once in my life, I listened to my doctor; he suggested that I move somewhere warm to help my lungs and stave off more infections so I moved to Las Vegas. It's been a bit of an adjustment since Vegas is such a night city. But I am starting to feel better, my coughing has calmed down and I don't have to use my nebulizer

as much.

Before you ask, yes I'm still working. A friend of mine in LA helped me get a job as an investigator in a private detective firm. It's not as exciting as NCIS but I still get to do research and stakeouts. Plus, Jen was able to help me get a part-time job teaching criminology at WLVU. I've also managed to make some friends here, mostly people from work but I've also been clubbing, which you would love by the way.

So, how's DC? Has Gibbs hired anyone since I left? How're McGee and Ziva doing? How's McGee handling being Senior Agent? Tell him I wish that I'd had more time to train him while I was in charge.

As you can tell, I've had to change my email address since I'm not longer with NCIS. Also, I'm giving you my cell and regular phone numbers. My cell number is 702-555-0327, my land line is 702-555-0920, call me when you get the time or send me an email.

Give McGee a slap on the head for me and tell everyone I miss them.

Love,

Tony'

Everyone was smiling at each other, all relieved that Tony seemed to be doing all right, everyone except Gibbs. Tony hadn't mentioned him except for the question about hiring someone to fill in McGee's position and that hurt more than he'd thought it would. He'd thought…hoped that Tony would at least have something to say to him. Not being addressed at all bothered him. Sure, the 'everyone' Tony mentioned probably included him, but McGee and Ziva had been addressed by name, so had Jenny. This bothered him, but he forced it back.

"All right everyone, back to work." The entire crew split up, McGee and Ziva went back to the elevators with Gibbs behind and Abby headed for autopsy, presumably to tell Ducky about the email when he got back from dealing with an emergency at home.

The rest of the day ticked by slowly but finally, Gibbs sent McGee and Ziva home. Once he was sure everyone was gone, he picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Gary, it's Gibbs. Listen, I need you to look up the address that goes with a phone number. You ready?" He rattled off Tony's Las Vegas phone number from memory and waited for a couple of minutes before Gary came back. "Yeah, I'm still here. What's the address?" He jotted down the address, "Thanks Gary, I appreciate it." He hung up and looked at the piece of paper. He had Tony's address, now what was he going to do?

Author's Note #2: I'm not sure what the physical requirements for a PI are so I'm just guessing. Also, the thing with Tony teaching I got from Forensic Files involving a murderer who was a former cop and taught at a local university.

***

Next story in series - The Consequences of Caring II.