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Title: The Way I Feel
By: lil-jei
Pairing: Tony/Ducky
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters and show aren’t mine just the angst.
Summary: AU. This was a response to Peja’s first kiss challenge. It’s of the moment and a quick un-beta’ed fic so…Does Tony regret coming home?

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Sitting at his desk it was all he could do not to cry. Holding his head in his hands Tony fought the sobs building up in his chest. He had only been back from the Regan a month and he already wanted to leave again. He forgot how much he hated his team sometimes. It had been a tough transition back and he almost missed the boat on days like today. 

He’d been right on all accounts. He nailed the suspect’s identity, caught the bad guys, and saved the government millions of dollars and what did he get? Nothing, nothing yet again. He’d been scorned by everyone from the techs on up. Gibbs only acknowledgement of his saving the day was a grunt and a hang up. They’d all met at the office soon after the arrest and subsequent confessions to debrief and finish their reports and Tony’s hope of a peaceful night had come crashing down. All he’d heard was bitching and complaining. He’d heard so much that he’d actually typed his report for real and finished it lightening fast. Then he’d been out of the building and back home in no time at all.  

That was then this was now. Now he couldn’t sleep. Damn fucking nightmares and insomnia like usual. So here he was back to his place of eternal torment going through any of his backlogged cold cases. Maybe he’d get some work done; he doubted that, just like he doubted everything nowadays. He mutters to himself back and forth debating things but unbeknownst to him all he really kept saying was “Why am I here?” He didn’t know he was really saying anything at all except when he got a shock of his life. 

He’d been muttering and banging about his desk for a while that when a hand whapped him on the knee he almost jumped sky high. And his heart didn’t even stop its erratic beat when he noticed it was Ducky who interrupted his nightly fugue state. Looking at Ducky Tony almost had to smile. Here was the only man other than maybe Jimmy and Vance who had actually welcomed him home with kind words and true honesty. But in his reality Tony had always known who he could go to for the truth. And that was the man standing in front of him looking rather unpleased.  

Coming down from his internal angst he notices Ducky moving in closer to him. A small smile and an encouraging word always made his day and Ducky knew that. But as he opens his mouth to say something a finger whaps him again, this time on the lips. And as it moves away Ducky comes closer to him and he finds that the moment their eyes meet is electric. At that point he tunes back in just as he hears Ducky say rather sternly “You’re back because your family wants you here, no matter what please believe that.” He replies back with a hint of humor “That include you too Ducky?” A gasp is all he has anymore time to have before hands pull him forward and a pair of lips brush his and mutter quietly “For as long as you want me.” Tony hadn’t known what he needed to feel sane until that very moment. And standing in the bullpen on a dark and dreary night the rest of Tony’s life becomes clear. Especially when he notices the smile, he receives when he loudly proclaims “Forever then huh.”

 

~Fin.

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