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Title: Whatever the Future Holds
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.***
Tim smiled as Jimmy snuggled into his arms, feeling more at peace than he had in quite a while.
He'd been so afraid that he and Jimmy were on the verge of breaking up for the past few weeks, tense from the constant anticipation of Jimmy saying words that he didn't want to hear.
That had been his worst fear ever since they'd brought Jimmy back safely and he had sat in that hospital room next to his boyfriend's bed -- that this would be the end of their relationship.
But after they'd talked earlier tonight, and Jimmy had admitted that he was afraid of Tim leaving him if he never wanted to have anal sex, Tim's fears had evaporated. He would never leave Jimmy because of such a little thing; that really didn't matter to him.
It was something he was curious about and would like to try someday, but if Jimmy didn't want it, then he wasn't going to push. Not doing it wasn't a deal-breaker.
As long as he had Jimmy safely by his side, in his arms, then all was well with him. Their relationship wasn't dependent on a single physical act.
All he wanted was to make Jimmy happy, for the rest of their lives.
He'd been so terrified that his boyfriend would leave him, that Jimmy would feel he didn't want a man in his life after the horrific experience he'd been through.
He should have known better, Tim berated himself. Jimmy wasn't the kind of man to leave him because of what had been done to him; he was stronger than that. Jimmy wasn't a person who would turn inward and not reach out for help when he needed it, or abandon a relationship.
Relief had surged through him when he'd finally found out what Jimmy's fears were; that fear could be assuaged, and it wasn't something that he had to keep worrying about.
What was one specific sexual act, anyway, compared to all the others that they could indulge in? It wasn't as though that was anything Tim had his heart set on; he hadn't really even thought about it that much. He was happy with the sex life they had now.
Besides, their relationship wasn't all about sex, he told himself firmly. He and Jimmy operated on an emotional plane, not a physical one. The physical gratification was just icing on the cake.
He had all that he needed, and he wouldn't ask for more.
"Thank you for understanding how I feel, Tim," Jimmy murmured, raising his head to look up at his boyfriend. "I was so scared that you wouldn't."
"Why wouldn't I?" Tim questioned, his brow furrowing in a slight frown. "Jimmy, it's not the sex that's important to me. It's what you and I share emotionally that means the most."
"I know that, but ...." Jimmy sighed softly, shaking his head. "I guess I just got so wrapped up in thinking that we should be what everybody expects a gay couple to be that I kind of forget we aren't like everybody else, and we don't have to be. I'm sorry about that, Tim."
"You don't have any reason to be sorry, Jimmy," Tim said, keeping his voice firm and strong. "I don't blame you for being worried about that. But you shouldn't have been."
"Thank you for that," Jimmy told him, smiling as he raised a hand to stroke Tim's cheek. "I don't know what I'd have done if you said that you really wanted to try that."
"It's never been that big of a deal to me," Tim said with a shrug. "Jimmy, the physical side of our relationship might be moving slowly, but that's okay with me. I fell in love with you, not with the idea of having sex with you. Sex is just one part of what we have. A small part."
"I kept thinking about that when ..... when he had me," Jimmy said, his voice barely a whisper. "Whether or not sex would suddenly become a big problem for us. I hope it doesn't."
"I don't think it will," Tim told him, stroking his hair. "Jimmy, sex isn't going to be an issue between us. When things feel right, we'll try them. If they don't feel right .... then we don't need them."
The smile on Jimmy's face reassured Tim that he'd said the right thing.
He believed those words with all of his heart. Of course sex wasn't going to be some kind of stumbling block for them, in spite of what Jimmy had been through.
They trusted each other. Jimmy knew that he'd never force him into anything he didn't want; Tim knew that Jimmy would never hold back, even if he had some concerns about whatever Tim might want. They would always be able to talk things through, and make compromises.
For him, it wasn't really a compromise. He wasn't giving up anything he really wanted, though if Jimmy decided later that he wanted for them to experiment, he would happily do so.
"Don't ever think that I want to push you into anything, Jimmy," Tim said quietly, keeping his gaze on his boyfriend's face. "And don't ever think that I'd leave you just because we might have a disagreement about something sexual. That's not ever going to be an issue with us."
Jimmy nodded, sighing in relief. "I know it's not, Tim. I never should have thought it would be. I guess I'm just being a little paranoid, after everything that happened."
Tim could understand that feeling all too well.
'I understand, sweetheart," he said, his voice very soft. "I'd probably feel the same way if I was in your shoes. I really would. But there's no reason to worry. None at all."
Those words came from the bottom of his heart. Though he had to admit, there was a part of him that wondered what it would be like to make love with Jimmy in that way.
What would it feel like to be inside Jimmy, to know what it was like to have their bodies, as well as their hearts and souls, joined in such a primal, physical way? He might very well never know what that was like, but that didn't really bother him. It was enough to know that he had Jimmy's heart.
No one knew where the future would lead them, Tim told himself with a smile. Maybe Jimmy would change his mind about this, and they would break down yet another barrier.
if they didn't, then he wasn't going to worry about it. He had all that he wanted right here in his arms. Everything else was just a bonus, and one that he wasn't going to question.
He was lucky to have what he did, and he wasn't going to jeopardize that.
Closing his eyes, Tim sank back onto the pillows, holding Jimmy close against him. All he wanted at the moment was to lose himself in a deep, dreamless sleep.
They had a lot to still get through, but he didn't doubt that they would manage to do it, and that they'd find what made them happiest, both as individuals and as a couple. The future still held a lot of questions and surprises for them, but he knew that together, he and Jimmy would work through them.
They had already had a trial by fire, and they'd come through that experience with their bond even stronger. Whatever they faced in the future, that bond would remain.
Whatever the future might hold, Tim was sure that they were both ready to face it.***