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Title: Light of My Life
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, 12_stories
Prompt: 09, Light
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.***
Tim sat at his desk, deep in thought, a frown on his face. He didn't realize that he was scowling in the general direction of his colleagues; the only thought on his mind was Jimmy, and how he was going to bring up the subject he wanted to talk to his boyfriend about.
They had been living together for a while now -- and yet, they still hadn't consummated their relationship in the physical respect. It wasn't that he wanted to rush Jimmy, Tim told himself hastily. But he was at the point where he wanted more than they were doing.
It was hard to explain that to Jimmy, though. The last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to think that he wasn't satisfied with their relationship -- because nothing could be further from the truth. Tim was happier than he'd ever been in his life now that Jimmy was with him every night.
But he wanted more of a physical side to those feelings. The kissing and touching were wonderful, but there was more that he was ready to explore. He just didn't know if Jimmy felt the same -- and he didn't want to push his boyfriend into something he might not be ready for.
How was he supposed to bring the subject up? Neither he nor Jimmy had ever been involved with another man before; he'd experimented a little when he was in college, but Jimmy had never been further with any other guy but the kissing and touching. They were both new to this.
It was scary to feel that they were both entering uncharted waters, trying to navigate territory that they were unfamiliar with. But at the same time, he felt comfortable doing it just because Jimmy was the person who was going into the unknown right beside him.
What was he going to tell Jimmy when he finally managed to bring the subject up sex up with his boyfriend? Would he be able to talk to Jimmy about it, or would be stumble over his own words and get so tongue-tied that he'd make a mess out of what he wanted to say?
Tim sighed, blinking as he realized that Ziva and Tony were both looking at him strangely. It took him a moment to recover his equilibrium; he gave them both a sheepish smile before he focused his attention on teh computer screen in front of him, pretending to get back to work.
He was relieved that Tony didn't make any of his usual wisecracks, and that Ziva didn't bombard him with questions about what might be bothering him. This wasn't a subject that he wanted to talk to either of them about -- even though they now knew that he was with Jimmy.
There hadn't been one particular day that they'd chosen to tell the rest of the team about their relationship; it had just seemed to happen gradually. A few well-placed questions and answers here and there, without anyone treating the subject like it was some kind of powder keg, and that was that.
No one had really seemed surprised, Tim mused, a small smile curving his lips. It was as though they'd somehow expected him to fall in love with Jimmy Palmer. For all he knew, maybe they had. His friends might have known how he felt even before he himself did.
Tim had expected Gibbs to be annoyed about his relationship, but the older man had simply shrugged and asked Tim one simple question. He could still see the expression on Gibbs' face when he'd asked, hear the words as though they were being spoken aloud at this very moment.
"Does he make you happy, Tim?" That had been Gibbs' only question; he hadn't wanted to know anything about just why Tim was with Jimmy, how this had happened. All he'd wanted to know was whether this was the right thing for him, and if he was happy.
When he'd answered in the affirmative, sincere without being effusive, Gibbs had only nodded and given him one of those rare smiles, then patted him on the shoulder. "Good. You deserve to be happy. And so does Palmer." From then on, his relationship hadn't been an issue.
It hadn't been all sweetness and light around the office; Tony had given him a hard time at first, but he knew that when it came down to brass tacks, his friends wanted him to be happy. And they knew that Jimmy made him happy, lighting up his life like nothing else could.
Ziva had remarked several times on the fact that he seemed so much happier lately -- and she seemed to be truly happy that he'd found the person he wanted to spend his life with. In his own way, so did Tony. And he was sure that Ducky and Abby also felt the same way.
He'd felt so different since Jimmy had become a part of his life. Not just happier, but -- lighter. As though he was filled with a contentment that he'd never thought he could know. Jimmy lit up his life in so many ways, pushing away any darkness that tried to linger.
Of course, there were still dark corners in his life. Everyone had them; each person had their own doubts and fears and shadows. But Jimmy could banish most of those, too. When he was with the man he loved, those dark corners didn't seem to loom so large.
Just thinking of Jimmy put a smile on his face; even though he didn't realize it, Tim's features had relaxed into a soft smile as he studied his computer screen, his fingers tapping across the keyboard. He looked much more relaxed than he had just a few moments ago.
But the problem of how to bring up the subject of becoming more physical with Jimmy was still hovering in the back of his mind, even though he'd pushed it aside for the moment. That was going to be something that bothered him until he figured out a solution to his dilemma.
It hit him with a suddenness that made him gasp, his eyes widening as he stared at the screen. He looked up to make sure that nobody had heard him, or seen his reaction. Ziva was looking intently at her own computer screen, and Tony was lost in a report.
He would take Jimmy to a bookstore -- and they would find a book about .... well, a book that explained how to go about the physical side of a sexual relationship with another man. It would be a lot easier than fumbling through the motions without any kind of a guide.
Of course, he knew the basics; he knew what he was supposed to do. But he wanted to make this wonderful for both of them, and he didn't want to cause Jimmy any pain -- or himself, either, he thought wryly. So this was the obvious solution.
What would Jimmy think of this idea? He had no idea, but he would talk to his boyfriend about it tonight. If Jimmy agreed with him, then they'd make a trip to the bookstore this weekend -- and by the time they came to work on Monday, he hoped they would be over that particular hurdle.
He shouldn't think of this as a hurdle, Tim told himself firmly. It wasn't. It would be the first time he and Jimmy made love -- and it would be perfect. It was something he'd wanted for a long time, and he was sure that Jimmy wanted it just as much as he did.
It should be thought of as yet another aspect of his relationship with Jimmy that would light up his life -- something that would make them both happy, and even more fulfilled than they already were. Tim smiled at that thought, his heart leaping in his chest.
This weekend, he would make love to Jimmy. He would let all of the light and love in his heart reach out to his boyfriend, even more so than it already had. They would finally become one, not only in their hearts and souls, but physically as well. He could hardly wait.
He was nervous about it, but at the same time, he wanted to make love to Jimmy more than he'd ever wanted anything. Not to get it over with, he told himself firmly. That wasn't it at all. He wanted to make love to Jimmy because he loved and wanted him.
Maybe the fact that he was so nervous about bringing up the subject with Jimmy was just proof that this wasn't the right time for them to think about getting physical. Yes, he wanted it -- but at the same time, he wasn't completely comfortable with the thought yet.
Their relationship didn't hinge on sex. Yes, the physical side of their relationship was something that they both wanted to explore -- but sex was far from the most important thing to either of them. It was their emotional connection that meant the most.
Jimmy was the light of his life. It really shouldn't matter when they decided that they were ready to make love; it should happen naturally, when they both felt that it was the right time. Tim sighed softly at the thought, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair.
He would still talk to Jimmy about the physical side of their relationship, but he wouldn't push for it to be consummated. There was no need for that. They would get to it when they both felt that the time was right, and when they were both ready to take that step.
For now, he could be happy with what they had. They were working towards being more physical -- that side of their relationship might be progressing slowly, but that wasn't a bad thing. It meant that they would known each other fully and completely by the time that happened.
If they took their time, they would be more comfortable with each other when that time came -- and there would be no nervousness and no questions like the ones he'd been asking himself for the past few days. It would be better to wait, and to know that they were both ready.
Besides, he didn't need sex to light up his life, Tim thought with a smile. Not with Jimmy. All his boyfriend had to do was smile at him, and the rest of the world seemed to disappear and fade away in the light of that smile and the love that it conveyed.
He couldn't wait to get home and see that smile, feel himself enveloped in that light. Tim's smile grew wider at the thought as he leaned forward to type more data into his computer. He'd talk to Jimmy when they got home tonight -- and together, they'd find answers to his questions.***