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Title: Welcome
By: nancy
Pairing: Eric/Callen
Fandom: NCIS: Los Angeles
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, mention of canon character death
Summary: Eric isn't sure of his place in Callen's life.

***

Eric stood outside the door to Callen’s apartment, not at all sure of his welcome. His hand lifted to knock and then dropped as he stepped back. He turned to leave, but then turned back and raised his hand only to let it fall again. A couple of indecisive minutes spent shifting from foot to foot only increased his indecision. When he finally turned to go for real, the door opened behind him and he froze.

“C’mon in, Eric, before my neighbors call the cops.”

Wincing, Eric faced Callen to find a tired, amused, expression in place. “Sorry.”

Callen waved him in and Eric walked quickly through the open doorway. Nothing about the small, plain apartment had changed from the last time he’d been there, which almost surprised him. Then again, maybe Callen liked things to stay the same in his personal life since he went undercover so often.

A look at the other man showed a faint smile on his face, as if waiting for Eric to realize that he was the visitor and had visited for a reason, so he should start talking. The only problem being he wasn’t really sure why he was there. He said lamely, “I thought you’d be over at Sam’s.”

“I’m heading over around eleven. I figure he’ll have cooled down a little by then and won’t be too far gone into the alcohol yet to pick a real fight,” Callen replied, wry. “Definitely going to be a long night.”

A quick glance to his watch showed that it was almost nine, which felt surreal. It wasn’t even five hours yet since Dom’s death on that rooftop. Hetty had sent them all home with instructions not to come back for two days. And by then it would be time for the funeral. And then it would be the weekend, so officially, they wouldn’t be at work until the following Monday.

Callen’s patient expression finally penetrated, but Eric still couldn’t figure out what to say. He wanted...he wanted Callen to hold him, but he didn’t know how to ask. It wasn’t like he was a girl and could just go up and hug him. And they’d only fooled around a handful of times the last couple of months, so he didn’t have boyfriend rights or anything.

Eric said abruptly, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’ll see you at, at the funeral.”

Before he got more than a couple of steps, Callen grabbed his arm and pulled, swinging him around and into a tight hug. Eric couldn’t help himself. He buried his face against the side of Callen’s throat and held on, fingers twisting in the soft t-shirt as he shook with grief. They were almost the same height, but Callen was a lot stronger and his arms were like bands of steel around Eric’s back. Comforting. Solid. Reassuring. Everything he needed to hold him together as his heart broke over the loss of his best friend.

He’d been on the team longer than Dom, but they’d still pretty much been probies together. They’d been hazed together and learned together and faced the older, more established agents together. They’d hung out and been geeks together. He’d even managed to get Dom onto a surfboard with a lot of dares and double dog dares.

Eric barely noticed when Callen walked them over to the sofa and tugged him down, onto his lap. He just held on and tried not to cry, tried to breathe through the pain swamping him. It wasn’t until he heard a whispered, “It’s okay, Eric, let it out, you can trust me,” that the shaking turned into full-fledged sobs.

Some timeless period later, his head aching and his eyes hot from all the tears, Eric sagged against Callen. He felt empty and drained, his body hollow from the loss and the release of the fear and pain and hope that he’d been carrying around the last two months, since Dom’s kidnapping.

Eric finally pulled his glasses off and wiped his face on his sleeve. Clearing his throat, he said, “I wouldn’t have lasted as long as Dom did. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to escape. Dom was, he was strong, you know?”

Callen nodded and Eric looked up to find the other man’s eyes red-rimmed, though no tear tracks stained his cheeks. “He was a good kid, a good man, and we’re all going to miss him.”

Eric sighed, resting his head on Callen’s shoulder as he whispered, “Why did they take Dom? Why not me? I’m the most vulnerable of the team, really, the easiest to control. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Callen tensed beneath him and then relaxed slowly, his fingers carding gently through Eric’s hair from above. After a moment, he said slowly, “You’re not the most vulnerable of the team, Eric.”

Frowning, Eric started to sit up, but Callen kept him in place, his arm wrapping around Eric’s waist to hold him down. Settling back against him, Eric asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that anyone who does even a half-hearted recon on you will find all kinds of safety precautions in place,” Called told him. “Some put in place by Hetty, some by me, but all designed to keep you safe. And if, God forbid, if someone ever took you…”

Eric swallowed at the dark tone and kept silent, waiting to see how that sentence would finish.

Callen at last continued roughly, “I will always find you, Eric. If I have to take down everyone in my path, I will never let anyone hurt you. Understand?”

Shaken by the intensity in the other man’s voice, glad he couldn’t see Callen’s face, Eric gave him a small nod.

Callen kissed his temple and let out a long breath. “I won’t lose anyone else that I love. No matter what, I…you’re safe, Eric.”

Electrified by the ‘love’ part, Eric didn’t respond at first, his fingers twisting into Callen’s t-shirt again. He hadn’t even thought it was possible; he’d assumed they were just screwing around. Eric had never even hinted that he wanted more knowing how much Callen needed to be free to come and go as he pleased or as the situation called for it.

“I’m kinda hanging in the wind here, buddy.”

Eric jumped a little and then looked at Callen. This time, the man looked uncertain, almost apprehensive. Knowing he should just not talk right then, that he would just mess it up if he started babbling, Eric leaned in to kiss him, putting everything he felt into it. Callen opened to it and then took over, kissing him hungrily and holding him tight before breaking it off with a gasp.

Leaning his forehead against Eric’s, Callen whispered viciously, “I hate myself for thinking it, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever…but I’m glad that it was Dom and not you. I couldn’t, can’t lose you, too.”

Shaken once more by the depth of Callen’s intensity, Eric whispered, “Me, too.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Callen sighed and said, “C’mon. Let’s take a catnap before I head over to Sam’s.”

Eric nodded and climbed to his feet. Callen draped an arm over his shoulder and they went into the dumpy little bedroom together. He climbed into the bed, under the covers, and Callen spooned up behind him, nuzzling at the back of his neck.

It was there, in the dark, that Eric whispered, “I love you, too.”

Callen’s arms tightened briefly, kissing his shoulder.

Eric smiled a little at that, no longer unsure of his place in Callen’s life.

***