Title: One Heartbeat
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 1, 50ficlets
Prompt: 6, Heart
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

It would be strange to lay his hand on his chest and only feel one heartbeat.

The Doctor contemplated it, making a face as he did so. He could feel the steady beat of both is hearts as his palm rested on his chest; the rhythm was comforting, relaxing. The knowledge that he had two hearts that were both beating strongly reassured him in a way, made him feel more settled, more grounded.

Why that would be, he didn't know. He didn't really want to explore the reasons why he should feel so relieved to know that both hearts were steady, and that there were actually two of them and not one, as humans had.

Maybe he just wanted some reassurance that he was different from them. He smiled wryly, shaking his head. He'd always wanted to be more like them; it was ridiculous to suddenly feel that he needed some sort of vindication of one of the most basic differences between himself and humans.

What was it like to only have one heart? The Doctor couldn't imagine it; why he would be thinking of something like that, he didn't know. But it was a thought that had come into his mind more and more often lately, an idea that he couldn't shake off.

It was probably because he'd been thinking of Jack quite a lot lately. Jack and the other members of Torchwood, the humans who he felt close to.

There were other humans in his life, of course; people who he had some affection for. But none like Jack, and through him, the Doctor had also come to feel close to the Torchwood team. They were what drew him back to Earth, time and time again, even when he felt that he should stay away for a while.

He was never able to do that. His friendships with the people there, his concern for the safety and well-being of the planet -- not only of his friends, but the place itself -- formed a bond that he knew he would never be able to break, even if he wanted to do so.

What would it be like, to be in their place? He couldn't help but wonder. It was beyond his imagining, the feeling of being human .... so vulnerable, so fragile, such a short life span.

And only one heart. Only one heart to feel. Only one heart to break.

The Doctor pressed his hand against his chest again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. What would it be like to only feel one set of heartbeats pounding there, to know that when that steady beat faltered, it would signal the end?

He shuddered, dropping his hand to his side. He didn't want to know. It was something he'd never asked any of the humans he'd known; truth be told, he was a little frightened of what they might say. It was better that he always had the question, but never the answer. Better for his peace of mind.

One heart. One life. It was inconceivable to him. Yet humans lived with that knowledge, all of their short lives, and they didn't seem to be affected by it.

He'd wondered from time to time if having two hearts made him more susceptible to having them broken; after all, there was more to hurt. He'd mentioned that to Jack once, and had only gotten a wry laugh and a cynical look. Jack hadn't believed that it was possible.

Jack couldn't seem to understand that each time his hearts were broken by people he cared for, it became harder and harder to solder the pieces back together again. Eventually, there would be a time when there wouldn't be anything there to piece back into place.

There would come a time when there was nothing left but the glue that he'd thought was holding those pieces in place. And glue couldn't hold shattered glue.

The immortal had told him that having one heart not only made humans more physically vulnerable, but it meant that when they gave that heart to someone, it took much more time and care to heal it when it was carelessly broken. The Doctor found that hard to believe.

With two hearts, it was much harder, he told himself. Twice as much heartache. Twice as much pain. Twice as much emotion to deal with when he was expected to bid goodbye to the people he'd cared for. No matter what any human might say, the farewells always hurt twice as much.

No human would understand that. They wouldn't be capable of it. They would never understand the concept of having two hearts, of hurting twice as much from a betrayal. They would never be able to feel as he did, no matter how badly he wanted them to.

And he would never be able to feel the way humans did, either. No matter how much he wanted to. He was what he was. And he would never be like humans. He had to accept that.

He should be glad that he wasn't human, he thought with an inward sigh. They had a much shorter life apan, and they were still caught up in so much that he'd discarded long ago. But still .... he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like. And if it would somehow be ..... easier.

What did it matter? The Doctor sighed and turned back to the Tardis' console, wondering where she would take him next. Wherever it was, he thought to himself, hopefully he would be able to get away from his thoughts for a while. The thoughts that plagued not only his mind -- but his hearts as well.

***