Title: A Clear Vision
Pairing: John Reese/Jordan Hester
Fandom: Person of Interest
Prompt: #477, Vision
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely John Reese or Jordan Hester, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Jordan sat at the desk in his living room, looking down at some papers that he should be working on, but thinking of John instead. He had no idea if he would see his boyfriend tonight, but he was waiting for the phone to ring, for John to tell him that he would be over in a few minutes.
It happened that way almost every night -- John would call him, then he would come over. He always knew when John was on his way; his lover never failed to let him know that he would be there. It was a lot more than any other lover he'd had in the past had done.
John was different from anyone he'd ever known, in a myriad of ways. Saying that he was "different" only began to scratch the surface; John was unlike any person he'd ever thought he would be involved with. But that was a big part of what Jordan loved the most about him.
He liked that John was unpredictable, that he didn't know just what his boyfriend was going to do or say at any given time. There was a delicious expectation in waiting for John's words, or just waiting to see him again. He never what was going to happen when John showed up.
He knew that his boyfriend wasn't going to break up with him; they had talked about their relationship at length, and John had assured him that he wasn't going to end things between them. Jordan had been worried about that, but John had laid all of his fears to rest.
Jordan had no fear of losing what they shared; John had said that they wouldn't, and he knew his lover well enough to know that when John made a promise, he meant to keep it. He would do all that he could to keep them together; Jordan had no doubt whatsoever of that.
He gave up all pretense of trying to work; he really shouldn't have brought those files home with him from the office, he thought as he closed the one he'd been trying to read. He just wanted to think about John, to dream about his boyfriend and hope that they would see each other tonight.
Leaning back in the chair, Jordan closed his eyes, letting his thoughts drift to John. He formed a picture of the man he loved in his mind's eye -- the fathomless blue eyes that he could drown in, the sensual lips that could curve in a beautiful smile, the chiseled features.
He had never seen anyone as beautiful as John, he thought dreamily. No one had that particular mixture of beauty, compassion and intelligence that he'd found in John Reese. No one else he'd ever met had even come close -- and Jordan knew that no one ever would.
The only fly in the ointment of his happiness with John was the fact that his boyfriend still couldn't -- or, rather, wouldn't -- tell him everything about himself and what he did for a living. Jordan knew bits and pieces, but he doubted that he would ever have the complete picture before him.
He had a vision of their future together that he wanted to hold in his mind's eye -- but somehow, it kept on slipping. He couldn't hold on to that vision; it faltered, sometimes seeming as though it was only constructed of clouds and would fade away like a puff of smoke.
Jordan knew that he and John would never be the kind of couple who led mundane lives, who never had to watch their backs and never had to believe that trouble could find them. John's past would make that kind of life impossible, and he was willing to deal with whatever might happen.
He just wanted to know exactly what he would be dealing with, he thought with a sigh. The vision of a rosy future couldn't hold up to reality unless he was able to reconstruct it, to make it more like the life that they would lead once he knew what that life might involve.
Right now, that vision consisted of the two of them spending time together at home when they came home from work; John was actually leading a more normal life, with a job that didn't require him to be out at all hours and put his life in danger for people he didn't even know.
He'd never belittle what John did; after all, his boyfriend had saved him from going to jail or, worse, losing his life to a career criminal's machinations. He would never be able to thank John enough for all he'd done -- and he would spend all of his life showing John just how grateful he was.
But that didn't mean he wanted John to spend the rest of his life putting himself between other people and whatever trouble they might be in. John might feel that he had to make up for something, but there would be a time when he would have to feel that he'd made enough amends.
Would John ever feel that way? Jordan wasn't sure, but he didn't want to think that his boyfriend would continue putting his life at risk for all of his days. John needed to pull himself away from that life, and find a better way to help people than by taking such risks.
For the moment, Jordan was content to trust John and let him do what he felt that he had to do. But he didn't want their future together to be like this; it was all right for now, but they couldn't keep going like this with no end in sight. John had to come clean with him eventually.
His brow creased into a frown as a thought struck him -- would John be satisfied to let their lives go on in this fashion indefinitely? Did he intend to always keep Jordan in the dark about part of his life, and about his past? Was John's vision of their future radically different from his own?
These were things that he and John would have to discuss, and Jordan wasn't sure just how those talks would end up. He didn't want to throw a monkey wrench into the mechanism of their lives, but he had the feeling that sooner or later, he would have to do so.
Jordan didn't know how he was going to bring up the subject with John; every time he'd already tried to, his boyfriend seemed to put up a stone wall between the two of them. John didn't turn away from him, but he also didn't offer any information that Jordan didn't already know.
He hated feeling shut out of his lover's life; he could only tell himself that it wouldn't be forever. John had said that it wouldn't be, and he trusted the man he loved. He had to hold on to that trust; he had to believe that in time, he would know all there was to know about John Reese.
Trust went hand in hand with love, didn't it? He couldn't love someone he didn't trust, so he had to love John. And it wasn't just that; John gave him a feeling of safety and security that he'd never had before, not even before all of the trouble with the identity theft had happened.
He couldn't give John up. He couldn't let those tiny niggling doubts about their future together grow to bigger proportions; he had to hold on to his trust in his lover. That wasn't hard to do, at least not at this point; John was an honorable man, and Jordan was sure that his trust wasn't misplaced.
John wasn't the kind of man who would lie to him, or use him and then throw him away. He had always been a decent judge of character, or so he thought; if John wasn't a good person, Jordan seriously that he would have been able to win his heart so easily.
He had to keep his vision of a future with John steady and strong. If he didn't, if he let that vision waver, then a chasm would grow between them -- one that he might not be able to jump over if it kept growing. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let himself grow away from John.
No, he wasn't going to do that, Jordan told himself firmly. Any problems that he and John might have could be worked out; even if it was hard for John to tell him about his past, he knew that it would eventually happen. His boyfriend was too honest a man for it not to.
At least, John was honest with him, he amended. He didn't know if John had to be more than a little dishonest in what he did for a living, or if he'd had to lie in the past. If he had, then that didn't matter. What he'd done in the past didn't matter; it was over and done with.
And if he had to be dishonest in what he was doing now, then little white lies didn't really matter, did they? After all, he knew from firsthand experience that what John did was good. He helped people in trouble, and if he had to lie for justice to be served, then it was excusable.
Jordan glanced up at the clock again, sighing softly and shaking his head. It was late, nearly midnight; he should go to bed and stop hoping that John would call. He would have to go in to the office tomorrow, and he really couldn't afford to lose any sleep tonight.
He wanted to sleep, to dream of that vision he had of his future with John. There was no house in the country, no white picket fence; instead, there was only the two of them, living happily together wherever they might be, without having to look over their shoulders and worry that trouble might find them.
That vision was a little hazy, but it was something that he wanted them to work towards. They could fill in all the details later, the two of them adding little touches here and there. After all, it was a vision for both of them; John had to have a say in it, too.
He wanted that painting of their future to be filled out, to be a clear vision in his mind with all of the haziness gone. But that probably wasn't going to happen for a while, he told himself ruefully. At least, not until John felt that it was the right time for all of the barriers between them to come down.
Just as that thought coalesced in his mind, the phone on his desk rang. Jordan couldn't hold back a smile as he picked it up; he knew that no one but John would be calling him this late. And with any luck, within a short while he would be not only talking to his boyfriend, but seeing him in the flesh.
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