Title: All This Time
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Michael Cutter
Fandom: Doctor Who/Law & Order
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 42, Months
Warning: ongoing story, past non-con
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"I still can't quite believe that I'm dating an alien," Michael sighed, sitting back on the couch in his apartment with a gin and tonic in his hand. Raising the glass, he swallowed half of it in one gulp, making the Doctor frown as he sat down beside his lover.

"Getting drunk isn't going to change things, Michael," he said softly, wishing that he didn't sound like he was scolding the other man. After all, Mike had a lot to adjust to at the moment. He'd just found out that his boyfriend was -- well, not human.

Michael shook his head, leaning forward to set his glass down on the coffee table. "I'm not intending to get drunk. That's not how I cope with situations. I'm a little more pragmatic than that. I'm just .... trying to turn around some perceptions in my head."

The Doctor nodded, not sure whether to feel relieved or cautious. At least Michael wasn't pushing him away, or repudiating their relationship entirely.

And Mike had said that he was in love. That meant something, didn't it? This man wasn't like some of the other people who had claimed to care about him until they'd found out just what he was. He wouldn't simply turn his back and walk away.

But he had to give his lover a little breathing space. It couldn't be easy to have your perceptions of your life, and of the person you were in love with, turned upside-down within the space of a few hours. And after all Mike had seen tonight, he had a lot to assimilate.

He'd spent what felt like hours guiding Michael around what he considered the most important areas of the Tardis, giving his boyfriend a sense of how and where he lived, and the vastness of the ship as compared to what it looked like on the outside.

Being an intelligent man, Mike picked up on everything very quickly. He even managed not to be overly shocked by some of the technology that the Doctor explained to him.

But he'd been strangely quiet since they'd gotten back to the apartment, and the Doctor could feel his hearts clenching in his chest. What if Michael had changed his mind about them being together? What if he'd decided that he couldn't with what he'd seen?

He knew that the other man would keep his secrets. He had no fear of Michael telling anyone what he was; his boyfriend understood that it was important for the Doctor to be able to keep his anonymity, if he wanted to continue to come to this part of the universe.

The Doctor had found himself hoping that Michael would turn to him on their way back to the apartment and make the statement that he wanted to come out amongst the stars with him, that he was willing to leave the life he'd known behind.

It was too much to hope for so soon; he realized that. Mike wouldn't be ready for that yet; he had to let the other man take small steps in that direction.

But he wasn't going to give up hope. Their relationship was incredibly strong; he had to count on the bond that existed between them to pull Michael in his direction, without him trying to push for what he so desperately wanted.

His focus was brought back to the man beside him when Michael cleared his throat, his words coming out slowly, as if he had to think about what he was going to say before he actually spoke. "John -- or whatever your name is -- we've known each other for months."

The Doctor nodded, feeling his throat tighten in anticipation. He had a bad feeling about where this was going; he could only hope that if Michael had any objections to their relationship continuing, he'd be able to override them.

He didn't want to lose this man. Michael had become more precious to him than anyone had ever been; he'd lose so much of himself if he had to walk away.

"When were you going to tell me?" Mike whispered, his voice breaking. "You didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth right away. I would've thought that after I told you I loved you -- after you found me when I was kidnapped, you'd be able to trust me with anything."

"I wanted to tell you, Mike," the Doctor whispered, turning towards Michael and taking both of his lover's hands in his own. "I hated keeping secrets from you. I did trust you -- I do. But I didn't trust myself to be able to make you believe me."

"All you would have had to do was show me the Tardis, and I'd have belived," Michael told him, his eyes meeting the Doctor's. "I believe you now. Maybe I didn't at first, but you've more than proved to me that you're telling the truth."

The Doctor waited for Michael's next words; somehow, he had the feeling that there was more to come, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to hear it.

When they came, his eyes widened in surprise; they were words he hadn't expected to hear.

"But that doesn't matter," Michael whispered, his gaze fixed on the Doctor's face. "All that matters is that I want to be with you. That I love you. And that even if you don't feel like you can trust me with some of your secrets now, I hope you eventually will."

"I've told you all of my secrets," the Doctor said, not dropping his gaze from Michael's as he spoke. "There are things that I've done that you don't know about, but everyone has regrets from their past. I've told you all of the important things about myself."

"In all the months we've known each other, I would never have guessed that you were hiding the kinds of secrets I've found out about," Mike mused, still holding the Doctor's hands in his own. "All this time, I never knew what was right in front of me."

"It's not that I didn't want you to know, Mike," the Doctor said softly, hoping that his lover could hear the sincerity in his voice. "I wanted to tell you everything. I just didn't know how."

"I understand," Mike murmured, leaning forward to brush his lips against the Doctor's mouth. "The only thing I still want to know is .... just what is your name? I somehow get the feeling that it isn't really John Smith."

The Doctor didn't quite know what to say; his actual name wasn't something that he intended to reveal to anyone, not even Michael. He was the Doctor, or John Smith; that should be good enough, shouldn't it? Hopefully, Mike wouldn't need anything more.

"I am John Smith, Mike," he said as gently as he could. "Or, if you'd prefer, the Doctor. That's what I've always been known as -- my given name is something that I don't reveal. It's not that I don't trust you with it -- I'd just rather not have anyone use that name."

Michael looked surprised, a fleeting look of disappointment flashing across his face. But he nodded, his gaze finally dropping from the Doctor's to their entwined hands.

"If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to," he finally said, not looking at the Doctor. "But it just makes me wonder what else you're keeping from me -- and if there's anything more that I should know. I don't want to get any nasty surprises in the future."

The Doctor shook his head, hoping that Michael would believe his words. "There won't be any of those kinds of surprises, Michael. I'll tell you everything you need to know about me. But my name .... that's something I left behind me a long time ago."

"When you feel ready to tell me, then you will." Mike finally looked up again, his gaze meeting the Doctor's squarely. "Until then, I'll be patient. I love you enough to give you the time you need. All the time I've spent with you already should prove that."

"It does, love," the Doctor said softly, raising a hand to stroke Michael's cheek. "And I promse that you'll eventually know everything. In time."

Michael raised the Doctor's hand to his lips, kissing his fingers; the Doctor shivered at the feel of those warm lips on his skin. All he wanted at the moment was to sink into Mike's arms, to reassure himself that this man was his, and that Michael wasn't going to leave him.

All this time that he'd spent with Michael had proven something to him, too. He knew that this was where he belonged, the only place he wanted to be. The months that had gone before this moment had solidified their relationship in a way that he hadn't expected.

They might not have an easy road ahead of them -- and for all he knew, Michael might not want to come out into time and space with him on more than a temporary basis. But they would work it all out somehow -- and hopefully, there would be plenty of time ahead for them to do just that.

***