Title: A Million Miles Away
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: past Jack/Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: Cadenza challenge, 5_prompts
Prompt: Title -- A million miles away
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sat at the kitchen table, sighing as he thought of the look he'd seen lately in his lover's eyes. Being here in the Hub always made him feel unsettled, as though he didn't quite belong, but now that feeling was due to more than just his surroundings.

He was going to have to leave again soon. He shouldn't even have come here, really. Jack had made the decision to leave the Tardis, to come back to life here on Earth, to lead Torchwood, and the Doctor had no right to keep popping up in his life again.

But it was so hard to keep Jack out of his life completely. Even though he knew that they should put their physical relationship behind them and be satisfied with only being friends, he coudln't do that. He couldn't simply walk away from the man he loved.

Why not? he asked himself, his inner voice fierce and somewhat resentful. Jack had certainly done that easily enough, striding out of his life and away from what they'd shared together as easily as though their relationship had meant nothing to him.

Still, neither one of them had been completely able to let go. He still came here to the Hub, on something of a regular basis, and they still slept together. Sometimes he was here for a few days, sometimes only for a night of unbridled passion.

The Doctor knew that he should be stronger, stop coming here and distance himself from Jack and the memories of what they had once been to each other. But he couldn't force himself to stop loving someone who he wanted to spend all of his life and beyond with.

Maybe it had been easy for Jack to bring their relationship to an end; after all, this man was notorious for being the "love 'em and leave 'em" type. But the Doctor had thought that the two of them had shared something special, and that he'd meant more to Jack than anyone else ever had.

Obviously, he'd been wrong, but he hated to admit that. So he kept coming back, fooling himself into the belief that they were still together, in a way. They might not be traveling on the Tardis together any more, but somehow, it still felt as though Jack was a part of him.

Even if they were a million miles away from each other, he would always belong to Jack Harkness. The Doctor hated to admit that; he didn't want to think that he was so weak as to be the sort of person who would cling to anyone who didn't want to be with him on a permanent basis.

But Jack was different. There had been an immediate attraction when they'd first met, even before he was in this body; and when they had come face to face for the second time, the spark that had begun between them so long ago had flared into a roaring conflagration.

He had been so sure that Jack would be the one companion to stay with him that he'd thought nothing of taking this man into his bed. He'd never regretted it, either -- not until the day that Jack had walked away from him without a backward glance.

He'd left Earth then, leaving Jack to his own devices and swearing that he wouldn't go back unless the planet was in some sort of crisis. But even when he was millions of miles away from the other man, Jack had been on his mind and in his hearts.

At the moment, he almost wished that he was a million miles away. The look that he'd seen in Jack's eyes told him that the other man's attention was no longer on him and what they shared together; Jack was already looking towards the future, one that didn't include him.

The Doctor wanted to fall to his knees in front of his lover and beg Jack to tell him why he'd left, why he couldn't see a future for them together. But he had too much pride for that; no one had ever made him beg before, not even the Master with all of his carefully devised tortures.

Instead, he would merely sit here and think of the man he loved, taking note of the look in the other man's eyes, that faraway look that told the Doctor it was past time for him to leave again. Jack had moved on; he was the one clinging to what could never be.

Why couldn't he put what he'd once had with Jack behind him, move a million miles away from it as the other man seemed to have done? Why couldn't he finally turn his back on what he felt and admit that it was in the past and should stay there?

He knew why, though he didn't want to admit it. He couldn't let go -- because there was a part of him that held on to the hope that he and Jack wouldn't always be so separated from each other, that they would eventually be together again.

Jack was his destiny. He'd felt that ever since he'd first looked into the other man's eyes, when he was in a different body and had a different personality. His feelings for Jack had not only survived that regeneration, but they'd grown much stronger.

Even from a million miles across the universe, he would know if Jack was in pain or in trouble. Maybe that was part of what drew him back to Earth time after time -- the knowledge that all wasn't well with Jack, that the other man was hiding some inner turmoil.

But until Jack was willing to share those feelings with him, they couldn't move forward. He would be stuck in this eternal loop, leaving and coming back, snatching moments of ecstasy where he could find them and always craving more.

He would always want more -- until the day that Jack finally came back to him, if that ever happened. But that didn't seem as though it was even a remote possibility; the immortal seemed satisfied with their stolen moments of pleasure and nothing more.

Even now, Jack was a million miles away from him, even when they were standing right next to each other. The immortal was always lost in thought, his gaze distant and faraway; the Doctor doubted that Jack even noticed he was sitting here.

Yes, it was time for him to leave again. He didn't want to; he'd be leaving a part of himself behind with the other man, and he knew that his hearts would stay here, clinging to Jack, no matter how much he told himself that it was useless to dream of what might have been.

How was he going to take his leave this time? It was harder to walk away every time that he had to leave, and this time would be no different. And even though he'd be a million miles away, across the universe from Jack, his hearts would still be here.

It was time for him to go. He knew that look in Jack's eyes; the other man's thoughts had turned from him completely. Jack was already a million miles away in his mind, the night they'd just spent together already forgotten. For him, the Doctor was part of the past.

The Time Lord sighed softly, standing up and heading out of the kitchen. He plastered a smile on his face, not quite knowing what to say, only hoping that he could find some way to leave with his dignity intact -- and that he wouldn't break down before he was safely away from any prying eyes.

***

Next story in series - I'll Set You Free.