Title: Who's Bad?
Spoilers: Takes place some time during episode Demons and Angels. The good and bad Red Dwarves have both been created by Holly's triplicator device. The crew is onboard the bad one
Archive: yes - ask me.
Lister flicked through the pile of magazines in his counterpart's room.
"Un-smeg-a-believable," he hissed. There was nothing but really sick pictures of.."oh my god."
He closed the pages quickly, but couldn't resist sneaking another peek.
"No way man - that can not be possible." He carefully replaced the magazine and left to find the rest of his crewmates before he started to get some *really* strange ideas.
"Holly - where has Lister gone?" Rimmer was starting to get anxious. The bad version of him had been destroyed. But he was still a little disturbed by just how strange and *not him* that part of him had been. A whip? Feathers? Stockings...?
And the good him, the pure unhating part, had died as well. That part was equally alien. Rimmer had overheard that Rimmer talking to the good Lister about just how much he loved him. Rimmer shuddered at the thought.
Back on Red Dwarf . Later.
The weird mind control device had been ejected into space after the Cat had got bored of the whole 'controlling Lister' thing and things were getting back to normal.
Lister sat on his bunk and brooded. Was that uncontrollable psychopath back on the hell-ship really part of him? Did he have that sadistic streak? And those magazines - He had to admit he'd been intrigued, fascinated even, by some of the things in those magazines.
"Holly - I need some advice," he said suddenly.
"Yes Dave?" The blonde computer responded cheerfully.
"You've got psychology programmed into your databanks haven't you?"
"Well I did have - Lord knows how much of it I can remember though," Holly grinned goofily.
"Yeah well - supposing someone suppressed a part of themselves, a part that was really disturbing. What would happen?"
"I suppose if they kept it in long enough they'd probably go mental and start chopping people up or summit," the computer said cheerfully, "With a great big axe. Why are we talking about someone we know?"
"Never mind Hol, it doesn't matter."
Rimmer was pacing.
"It can't mean that." he said to no one in particular.
He'd tried counting interesting pipe formations for a while to try and take his mind of thought of his good and bad selves, but it wasn't really working the way it usually did.
He decided to vocalise his thoughts. Maybe if he said them out loud he'd be able to exorcise them. Prove they were nonsense.
"If the bad me really wanted to ..." he forced himself to say it, " to have Lister." He paused to grimace, "and the good me loved Lister.. in a pure... definitely non-sexual way. Then does that mean that the real me, as a combination of the two, wants to hurt Lister, but also have Lister, because I... Love Lister?"
Rimmer shook his head. He shouldn't have started thinking about this. He didn't normally think like this. What was up with him lately?,p> "Is that what it means?" Rimmer span around as he heard the voice from the shadows. Lister. Damn. Lister heard everything.
"Ah Listy - I was just practicing a play. Did it at school... very amusing, very silly play." Rimmer knew Lister wouldn't fall for that, but he was bound to accept the explaination. Save them both from embarrassment. Then they'd never speak about this again.
"A play Rimmer? Really? A play with my name in it - that's great Rimmer, I'd really like to see that. What was it called by the way? As a matter of interest?"
"It was called... um...let me see...er" " It was called... ah.. yes.. that was it... the adventures of Spiny Tom and the Big Fat Warthog."
"Hey yeah. Of course," Lister said, "I remember that one."
"You do?" Rimmer asked incredulously.
"Yeah as a matter of fact I do man. That was the one where a stupid hologram who can't touch anything gets an enlightened twenty-third century guy, who should know better, very very horny with no practical method of release." - 'Apart from the obvious' Lister thought. And that was getting pretty tedious.
"Lister?" Rimmer was shocked.
"Well Arnold. Where do we go from here?"
"Maybe we should just forget any of this happened - just get back to how things were. Pretend. It. Never. Happened." Rimmer said. Desperation searing on his hologramatic face.
Lister breathed through his nose sharply, "Yeah. Sure. I can do that. We'll just pretend we never found out some pretty disturbing things about our selves. It never happened. Sure."
Rimmer pretended to ignore the sarcasm in Lister's voice, "Good. Glad that's settled." He walked away quickly and didn't look back.
Lister stood in the half-light. He hoped Holly was wrong about the axe thing.
He really, really did.