Title: Beat of A Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 4
Prompt: 95, Heartbeat
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor rested his head on John's chest, listening to the single heartbeat there under his ear. It would probably always seem strange to know that someone who was part of him, who had literally come from him, had only one heart.

But really, did it matter so much? Not to him. John, of course, was having a much harder time getting used to it. His only memories had been of having two hearts -- and to suddenly find that he was human and only had one had sent him reeling.

What had he said? That only having one heart was .... disgusting. But he'd have to get used to it; after all, he was human, and there was nothing that anyone could do to change that. He was doing fairly well at adapting thus far, at any rate.

How would he himself cope if he'd had to deal with something like that? There was no way for him to know, though he had been human before.

He could barely remember that time. He remembered the people, and the events. But he couldn't remember what it had felt like, or the emotions that had assailed him when he'd become human. It all seemed as though it had happened to a different person.

And really, it had. He and his human persona were two completely different people. When he'd been human, he hadn't known who he really was. He'd had dreams -- he remembered that -- but they'd only been dreams. They'd probably seemed unreal to his human self.

Of course they had. His human self had been a man living and working in Victorian England. He wouldn't have been able to believe in a distant planet and time travel. He might have thought of those things, but only in the context of fiction.

Still .... he'd had those dreams for a reason when he was human. Maybe it was a part of who he really was trying to break through.

The Doctor resolutely pushed those thoughts away, refusing to let them into his mind. That was far behind him now; he didn't intend to go through becoming human again. One human version of him was enough. And for him, going through that once had been more than enough.

Sometimes he didn't understand how John could deal with it. Being human wasn't easy, he was sure. They got tired. They had needs that he never would. Of course, they had a lot of things in common .... but they still weren't the same. They never would be.

Had there really been a time when he'd wanted to be like them? He could hardly credit himself with thinking like that. His race was so extraordinarily xenophobic that it was hard to wrap his thoughts around a Gallifreyan longing for humanity.

But he wasn't like any other Gallifreyan. He'd always been different. And though his differences had bothered him at times, he'd learned to accept them.

Having only one heart was something he would never have to cope with, thank goodness. He had firsthand knowledge of what that was like after hearing John talk about what it felt like -- though he would never really know.

Still .... it didn't seem so bad, not when he was lying here with his head resting on John's chest, hearing that steady heartbeat and letting it soothe him. He'd been that way with Jack, too, but he'd never felt this way when he'd been in Jack's arms.

Jack's single heartbeat had been something he'd simply taken for granted, something that he'd associated with the other man so much that he didn't even think about it. But with John, it was different. John was a part of him, even though he was human.

It was hard to get used to the fact that John was human. The other man seemed so much a mirror image of himself that it was easy to forget what he was.

There were only small differences between the two of them. Sometimes he didn't even notice them, and at others, he couldn't help but marvel at how vastly different the two of them seemed to be. But not so different that it pushed them away from each other.

No, he and John could always find a middle ground. He wouldn't have thought that could happen with a human; he'd always thought of them as being too stubborn and set on having their own way to compromise. But John wasn't like that.

The Doctor couldn't keep himself from smiling at that thought. Maybe he'd just been involved with the wrong humans before he'd met John. Or maybe the problem was that he himself was stubborn, and that was one human trait that was far too much like him.

Or maybe they found it so easy to compromise because each of them wanted to make the other happy, and did everything in his power to make that happen.

Whatever the answer was .... he had to admit that he'd never been happier in his life. After all the years -- the centuries -- of searching, he'd finally found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It had certainly taken long enough.

His mind strayed to the thought that it inevitably came back to -- that John was human, and that he would age and eventually die. They didn't have forever. They wouldn't have nearly long enough to be together. He'd known that from the beginning.

But when he'd made his decision to bring John with him when he left Earth, when he'd taken the other man away from the destiny that everyone else seemed to think would be his, he wasn't thinking of that. He was only thinking of how much he wanted John with him.

All right, so maybe that had been a selfish thing to do. But if he had to do it over again, he would. They were both happy with the decision he'd made. Neither of them had any regrets.

He was sure that John was just as satisfied with the decision he'd made as he was. He'd often wondered what it would have been like for the other man if the Doctor had let him go off to some parallel world, if they'd never seen each other again.

It could have happened so easily. He could have been irrevocably parted from the person who meant the most to him in the world. The thought sent a chill down his spine, and he had to repress a shiver of apprehension.

No, he shouldn't think about that. It hadn't happened. He couldn't have let John disappear out of his life; he'd made the right choice. Maybe not in everyone's eyes, but that was something he would have to live with.

And that didn't really matter, at least not to him. Jack hadn't approved of his actions at first, but he'd come around. He'd helped him find John when he'd been kidnapped, hadn't he? He wouldn't have done that if he'd wanted the two of them to be parted.

The Doctor shivered again, curling up closer to John and reaching out to pull the covers up higher around the two of them. That was over and done, part of the past, something that he didn't like to think about. It was a closed door.

Sighing softly, he closed his eyes, trying to recapture that feeling of peace and serenity he'd had only a few moments ago.

He concentrated on the single heartbeat, matching his breathing to its rhythm. It was soothing, almost lulling him into sleep. His eyelids drooped; he could feel himself relaxing, his disturbing thoughts of a few moments before vanishing as though they'd never existed.

It might feel strange to John to have only a single heartbeat, the Doctor told himself, a smile on his lips as he allowed himself to relax further, on the edge of slumber. As for himself, in spite of their differences, he wouldn't want the man he loved to be any other way.

***