Title: Colder Than the Grave
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: John Reese/Jordan Hester
Fandom: Person of Interest
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1drabble
Prompt: 9, Cold
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely John Reese or Jordan Hester, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.


John stood across the street from Jordan's building, looking up at the floor that his boyfriend's apartment was on. Jordan was there, probably waiting for him.

He couldn't bring himself to go into that apartment and face his lover. Not yet. Jordan wouldn't understand what he had seen; he would think that it was exactly what it looked like -- that John had killed someone in cold blood, for no reason. And John wasn't sure that he could explain.

If only he didn't have to be so secretive, then he wouldn't have to explain.

Not for the first time, he cursed the necessity of being so secretive with the man he loved. He hated this; he wanted Jordan to know everything about him, to be an open book. He didn't want to hide anything from Jordan, not when he trusted his boyfriend with his heart and soul.

He couldn't risk losing Jordan, couldn't risk letting the coldness that had ruled his life for so long take control.. That coldness had been a part of him for too long; it was only with the advent of Jordan in his life that he had begun to feel the warmth of love again.

Jordan had to know how he felt, John told himself, realizing that his inner voice sounded desperate even to him. Jordan had to know that he wasn't the kind of man who would simply kill another human being in cold blood. He had to know that there was a good reason for what he had seen.

But how could he know that? All he knew what was what his eyes had shown him.

There was no way that he could fully explain himself to Jordan, not without telling him about the machine and all that it represented. And if he did that, then he would lose Harold's trust. He might not even have a partner any more; Harold might turn his back and walk away.

That would be horrible -- but not as bad as losing Jordan's love. He couldn't bear the thought of his boyfriend turning away, of having nothing but a cold, dark emptiness where Jordan's love had been. That emptiness would be colder than the grave.

He couldn't bear to feel that coldness again. Not now, not ever.

John took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. He would have to go up to Jordan's apartment sooner or later, face his boyfriend and try to explain what he'd done. He only hoped that explanation wouldn't cause the two of them to break apart forever.

Opening his eyes, he saw Jordan's silhouette in the window. With another deep breath, John headed across the street, feeling as though he was laying his heart on the line.