Title: Complicated
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/John Smith
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: NC-17
Table: 5
Prompt: 95, Gentle
Author's Note: Slight spoilers for Human Nature and The Family Blood. This is an alternate version of events in those episodes. Continuation of No Regrets.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or John Smith. Please do not sue.


The Doctor's breath was rasping in his throat, his hands trembling when he reached out for John. He'd never been so nervous in all his lives -- he had to make this the most incredible experience that John ever had, and he wasn't at all sure that he was up to the task. It was daunting to think that he would be this beautiful man's first lover -- well, his first male lover, at any rate.

He'd been the dominant partner before, of course -- but never in this body, and never with someone who meant as much to him as John did. He couldn't keep a tremor from spreading through him, his nervousness rising in his throat and choking him into silence for a few moments. All he could do was stare at John, not moving, both hands resting on the other man's chest.

John stared back at him, dark eyes wide, fear and desire mingling in their depths. When he finally spoke, his words galvanized the Doctor into action; the tone they were uttered in made him wish that he hadn't let himself second-guess what he was going to do. "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong? Do you not want me?" John's voice was as fearful as his eyes.

The Doctor leaned down to kiss John again, raising a hand to John's face and stroking soft fingertips down the line of his jaw. "Don't ever think that I don't want you," he whispered, his voice soft and husky in John's ear. "I want you more than I would have thought it was possible to want anyone. Don't ever forget that."

"I-I don't know what you need me to do," John whispered, his voice sounding tremulous and scared. The Doctor placed a gentle hand on his chest, keeping his eyes locked on John's as he spoke. He didn't want to do anything to frighten the other man; hopefully, he could guide John through this and ease his fears to the point where they'd disappear.

"Shhhh, sweetheart. Just let me love you, John." His lips were on John's mouth again, his words hushed when he raised his head again. "You can touch me, love. Don't be afraid to do whatever you feel. Nothing you do out of love and desire between two consenting adults is wrong -- please don't feel that you have to hold anything back."

John nodded, still looking nervous, but not pulling away. The Doctor moved his hands down that slim body, down John's sides, over his hips, letting his hands rest on the other man's thighs. Hesitantly, John lifted a hand, placing it on the Doctor's chest; the Time Lord could almost feel his hearts skip a beat, wondering if John would feel the dual heartbeats.

But he didn't seem to notice; either he was too nervous, or not thinking about them. His fingers trailed down the Doctor's skin, stroking, exploring -- only stopping when they reached the apex of the Time Lord's thighs. The Doctor waited, his eyes on John's face, letting the other man take his time about touching him.

Slowly, John's hand moved lower, long fingers wrapping around the Doctor's cock. The Time Lord closed his eyes, swallowing and trying not to let his hips jerk forward at the gentle touch. He'd never felt so aroused by any other touch before; it was hard to hold himself back, but he didn't want to do anything to frighten John or make him stop.

"Touch me the way you would touch yourself, John," he said softly, his voice only a little shaky. "Show me what feels good to you. I can guarantee you that if you enjoy it, so will I." He didn't put his own hand over John's, instead letting his fingertips stroke down the other man's body, until his own fingers were curled loosely around John's cock.

The young teacher nodded, visibly swallowing but not taking his hand from the Doctor's body. The Time Lord let out a soft moan when John's fingers tightened around him; it was going to be all he could do to keep himself from coming. He wasn't even sure that he could pleasure John, not when he himself was being touched like this.

John's cool fingers stroked up and down his shaft, the other man's thumb rubbing across the tender tip of his penis, bringing another moan to the Time Lord's lips. John's hand stopped moving when he heard the sound, his eyes widening in trepidation. The Doctor took a breath, shaking his head, wanting to reassure John that he hadn't done anything wrong.

"What is it? Did I .... hurt you?" John's voice was anxious, a mixture of concern and fear in his eyes. The Doctor rested his free hand on John's shoulder, hoping that he could drive away that fear, give John at least a little confidence in what he was doing. There was a latent sensuality slumbering somewhere in this man; he only had to bring it out into the light.

"No, love, you didn't hurt me at all. What you're doing feels wonderful," he said softly, his gaze meeting and holding John's eyes. "Please don't stop." He leaned forward to kiss John again, his own hand starting to move between the young man's thighs. If he could make John come, then he would be relaxed and more receptive for what was yet to happen.

"It feels so different from touching myself," John murmured, his eyes riveted on his own hand between the Doctor's legs. "Your skin is so soft -- and yet you're so .... hard." He blushed at his own words, and the Doctor couldn't help but smile. John's innocent way of expressing himself was only one of the things about the other man that he'd fallen in love with.

"As are you .... you're beautiful, John." Greatly daring, the Doctor bent his head, brushing his lips over the tip of John's hardened cock. He half-expected the young man to gasp and pull away from him, but John only moaned softly, his eyes closing and his head falling back against the pillows.

His hand was moving faster on John's cock now, the other man's soft gasps becoming louder and more frequent. John's hips were bucking up against his hand; the Doctor could sense that the young man was near to orgasm, and he wanted to bring John to that peak before he moved things along further. His own satisfaction was secondary; John's pleasure was the important thing.

The Doctor lowered his head, brushing his lips over the head of John's cock again. This time, he was rewarded with a soft cry that seemed to resonate in his mind; John came over his hand in a warm rush, gasping for air, making soft mewling sounds in the back of his throat and squeezing his eyes shut as he lay there breathing heavily.

The Doctor lay there beside him, watching John as he continued to move his other hand over the young man's chest, teasing and tweaking his nipples until they were hard little pebbles. He lowered his mouth to John's chest, his lips and tongue following the path of his fingers, nibbling and sucking at each tender pink bud until they were both hard and throbbing.

John's eyes opened, and he lay there watching the Doctor, his expression a mixture of curiosity and trepidation. "I know that isn't all there is to making love," he said softly, his words almost sounding like a question. "There has to be more to it than that. I may not have done this before, but judging from what I've heard, that isn't it."

"No, my sweet, it isn't," the Doctor murmured, letting his hand move lower, gently pushing John's thighs apart and stroking his fingers down that silken skin. He glanced over at the small table by his bed, opening the drawer one-handed and fumbling inside until he found what he was looking for.

It was a good thing he'd thought to put it there last night; he wouldn't have wanted to break the intimate contact with John's body to go searching for the lubricant. Flipping open the cap, he managed to squeeze a good amount onto his fingers, wishing that he had some way to warm it before it made contact with John's skin.

John gasped when the Doctor's fingers slipped between his thighs, the coldness of the lube obviously startling him. The Doctor leaned down to kiss him again, hoping that would distract the young man from what he was doing with his fingers. This would more than likely be the most difficult part of the night; once John was used to this, he would relax a bit more.

He could feel John's surprised gasp against his lips as he stroked a finger over the other man's rosebud, wishing there was some way to do this that wouldn't involve causing John any pain. The only thing he could do was keep kissing John, press inside him, and hope that the pain would only be momentary.

With that thought in mind, the Doctor pressed one finger firmly against John's entrance, his tongue entering the other man's mouth at the same time as his finger pressed inside the other man. John gasped, his muscles tightening around the invasion, before relaxing a little and pushing his hips upward, raising his hands to the Doctor's shoulders.

After a few moments, the Doctor pressed a second finger inside John, stopping when the other man whimpered softly and flexed his hips, his fingers digging into the Doctor's shoulders. He drew back slightly, looking down at John with a concerned expression, hoping that he hadn't caused the fragile man beneath him any pain.

"Did I hurt you, sweetheart?" he asked, worry in his voice. If he'd done anything to hurt John more than was absolutely necessary, he'd never forgive himself. He wanted this night to be something that John would remember and treasure for the rest of his life, a memory that he could look back on with no regrets.

"Only a little," John whispered, his muscles tightening around the Doctor's fingers as he flexed his hips again. "I'll be all right," he murmured, gasping as the Doctor pushed his fingers in a little deeper. "Don't stop .... please don't stop. It f-feels good, really." He moaned again, his eyes closing, his head turning from side to side.

The Doctor kept thrusting his fingers gently inside John, scissoring them, stretching and opening the young man as gently as he could. He was almost panting when he finally drew his fingers out; he was painfully hard, and he wanted John more than he could put into words. He couldn't hold himself back any longer.

He reached for the lube again, coating his cock with a generous amount; the more lube, the less pain John would feel when he was entered. At least, that was what he hoped. Until Jack, none of the men who had taken him had done him that courtesy, so he wasn't sure how the first time felt with a lover who was being gentle.

"This is going to hurt, just a little," he murmured, his mouth pressed against John's ear. "It's only a momentary pain, I promise." He hoped his words were true; the last thing he wanted was to cause this beautiful man any pain. Closing his eyes, he pressed his hips forward, entering John in one smooth, quick thrust.

John let out a short, sharp scream, his body tightening convulsively as the Doctor pushed inside him. His nails dug into the flesh of the Time Lord's shoulders, scoring marks down his back, his thighs pressing against the other man's sides. The Doctor gasped John's name, trying to hold himself back, keep himself from pushing forward too quickly.

"Wrap your legs around my waist, John," the Doctor urged, his words coming out on a gasp. He moaned when John obeyed him, those long legs twining around him, John's ankles locked behind his back. There. Now he was in a position to thrust into John without hurting him more than was necessary -- at least, that was what he hoped.

He flexed his hips, eliciting a groan from the man beneath him, wincing as John's nails dug more deeply into his back. He bent his head to press his mouth against the other man's again, one hand moving to John's chest to tease across his nipples. He wanted to stimulate other sensitive areas of John's body, distract him from whatever pain he might be feeling.

The Doctor couldn't hold himself back; he had to thrust into John, now that they were at this point. He drove his hips forward, gasping at the tight, searing heat of John's body surrounding him. It felt as though he was pushing himself inside a pool of molten lava, but he wasn't burning -- or rather, he was burning from the inside out.

How long could he last? Not long, at this rate, but he was determined to make this experience good for John. The other man was gasping and squirming under him, his body tightening around the Doctor's cock with each thrust. He didn't seem to be in pain any longer; his hips were bucking up each time the Doctor pushed inside him, meeting those movements with his own.

It had been so long since he'd been the more dominant partner; but none of his experiences with it in the past had ever been this glorious. It was as though he'd been meant for John, that their bodies had been created to fit together and fuse into one perfect whole. He wanted this to go on forever -- but of course it couldn't.

He was on the verge of climax, nearly at the edge. Only a few more thrusts .... the Doctor cried out John's name as his hips pressed forward, feeling John go so tight around him that it took his breath away. With a moan that was almost a cry, the other man came, releasing between their bodies in a rush that caught the Doctor by surprise.

John's climax seemed to pull his own orgasm out of him; he thrust into the other man once more, closing his eyes, crying out John's name as he released inside John's body. He had to fight the urge to let his body go limp and boneless; he couldn't just collapse on top of John. It would probably frighten him to have his lover nearly suffocate him.

The Doctor rolled to the side, being careful not to pull out of John, hoping that the other man could be comfortable without breaking their intimacy. John's heart was beating rapidly, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. The Doctor smoothed his hair back from his face, pressing light kisses over his skin, waiting for the other man to speak.

When John finally spoke, his voice was low and hoarse, muffled against the Doctor's shoulder. "That was ...." He stopped, as though he was unable to continue, or to think of a word to describe what he was feeling. He cleared his throat, speaking again in a low voice. "It may be wrong of me to say this, but .... that was incredible."

The Doctor could feel tears welling up in his eyes; of all the things he'd expected to hear from John, that wasn't one of them. "Yes, it was," he whispered, tightening his arms around John, not wanting to let this man out of his arms. He wanted to stay here forever, with John locked into his embrace.

John's voice was no more than a whisper, but his words seemed loud in the quiet of the darkened room. "I've been told all my life that this was wrong, that anyone who wanted it was doomed to hell," he said, tracing a fingertip down the Doctor's chest. "But I don't believe that. What I feel for you can't be wrong."

"It isn't wrong, John," the Doctor murmured, feeling a hatred rise up in him for the people who had forced that kind of morality on John and made him feel that his emotions were wrong. At least he'd proved to this man that what he felt was nothing to be ashamed of, and hopefully, he'd given John the courage to finally be himself.

John looked up at him, those dark eyes meeting his gaze. "What happens now?" he questioned, his voice starting to tremble. "It could be dangerous for anyone to find out about us .... but .... I can't give you up, Doctor. Not after that. You ...." He swallowed hard, pausing for a few moments before continuing. "-- You're my first, you see."

"I rather knew that." The Doctor smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to John's forehead and pulling him closer. "I never doubted that I'd be the first man you were with. That doesn't bother me, John. I would rather it had been me than someone who might have mistreated you. This way, you were with someone who loves you, someone who would be gentle with you."

"You don't understand." John's voice was still trembling, more shaky now than it had been a moment ago. "Y-you weren't only the first man, Doctor. You w-were the first person I've ever been with. I should have told you .... I was a v-virgin b-before tonight. I've never been with anyone before."

He could almost feel both of his hearts stop beating at John's words. He'd somehow known that John wasn't the type of man to experiment, that he would obviously be the first man who'd ever touched him in a sexual way. But for John to have given him his virginity -- that was a gift that he'd never expected.

"That makes what you've given me doubly precious," he whispered, cupping the other man's chin in his hand and tilting John's face up to his. "I know that others wouldn't understand about us, John. No one will find out, love. We won't have to be here for much longer -- I can take you away from here, and we can be together openly."

"What?" John looked confused, shaking his head. "Doctor, I can't leave here. Teaching is my life -- I can't just leave it behind without a second glance." His voice, as well as his gaze, were pleading with him to understand. "I .... I don't want to have to make that choice. Please don't make me."

"You have to, John." The Doctor's voice was quiet, soft but firm. "We can't stay here, not if we want to be able to love each other. I won't hide what I feel, and you shouldn't have to do that, either. There are other places you can teach, sweetheart. Other places where what you and I have together will be accepted. Places where we can live in peace."

"I can't!" John was crying now, tears starting to streak down his cheeks. "I can't just leave. I have too much of my life here, too much time that I've invested in this. I love this place, I love the students. I don't want to leave." He buried his face in the Doctor's shoulder, his voice muffled. "But I don't want to lose you, either."

"I won't leave you, John. Not unless you want me to." The Doctor's voice was soft, almost breaking. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving John. Not now, not after they'd been together like this. "If you want me to go, I will .... but not without trying my best to convince you to come with me. I love you, John. I can't just walk away from you."

"I love you, too." John's face was raised to his, the pleading look in those dark eyes unmistakable. "Don't leave me. Please." The Doctor gathered John close against him, feeling the thin body in his arms shaking with suppressed sobs. He pressed his lips against John's hair, trying to soothe him.

"Shhhh, love, I won't leave you. I promise." Not unless you come with me, he added to himself, stroking John's hair and feeling the other man gradually relax in his arms. John was overwrought and exhausted, he realized, feeling a pang of guilt. He'd been through so much tonight; he needed to lose himself in sleep for a while.

He would have to wake John early in the morning, and send him back to his room to get dressed. The Doctor sighed softly, realizing that it wouldn't be easy to hide their relationship, now that it had progressed to this point. In the last few hours, things had become immeasurably more complicated for the two of them.

"We should both try to get some sleep, sweetheart," he murmured, waiting for John to answer him. When the other man didn't say anything, he glanced down, smiling when he realized that John had fallen asleep in his arms. He shifted their position slightly, sighing regretfully as his softening cock slipped out of the other man, leaving him feeling curiously bereft.

The Doctor lay there for what seemed like a long time, stroking John's hair and listening to his soft breathing. There were so many possibilities for the future -- and he couldn't see them all. They would just have to take it all one day at a time, and deal with whatever came to them as they went along. He couldn't see that they had any other choice.


Next story in series - It's A Sin.