Title: The End of the Innocence
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: John Smith/Arthur Eddington
Fandom: Doctor Who/Einstein and Eddington
Rating: R
Table: 2
Prompt: 62, Innocence
Note: Continuation of No Secrets.
Author's Note: This fic doesn't feature the Tenth Doctor, but technically, since he is John Smith, it does fit the challenge claim. Slight spoilers for Einstein and Eddington.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own John Smith or Sir Arthur Eddington. Please do not sue.

***

John shifted uncomfortably in the chair near his bed, casting an anxious glance at the clock. Should he wait another few minutes, or should he leave his room and make his way down the hall to where Arthur was waiting for him? He was caught in an agony of indecision, having no idea what he should do, or even if he was certain that he was doing the right thing.

He was. Of course he was. He was doing what he and Arthur both wanted, and they were hurting no one with this. Not even themselves. How could doing what felt so right, following their hearts, be harmful to either of them in the long run? No, this was right. It had to be.

That evening after dinner, Arthur had pressed a note into his hand, a note with only a few words written on the paper in his precise, elegant handwriting. John had read them so many times that they were burned into his mind.

"Come to my room tonight. Please. I need to be with you."

He knew exactly where Arthur's room was -- at the end of the hallway on the left, in the front of the house. Winnie's room was on a different floor, near the back -- as were the guest rooms of the people staying in the house. John's was the only room that was on this floor with Arthur's, so they wouldn't be disturbed.

No one would even hear what was taking place in that room. The thought made John's heartbeat quicken, his breath catch in his throat. What would happen in that room tonight was something that neither of them could ever speak of, but something that they both wanted more than they could possibly put into words.

He hadn't thought that Arthur would want him -- not in this way. He was still trying to assimilate the fact that the other young man wanted him; not only as a friend, but in a more personal way. Oh, he might as well say it, even if only in his mind. Arthur wanted him as a lover.

And he wanted Arthur. With all his heart and soul. He couldn't remember ever having wanted anything this much. Not that he could remember much about his past at all, but he was sure that this desire was stronger than any other he'd ever felt.

He took a deep breath, looking back at the clock again. Only three minutes had passed, and he wasn't entirely sure if the others would have gone to bed yet. He didn't want to make his way to Arthur's room and have a floorboard squeak, or something else to happen that would alert Winnie -- or anyone else -- to the fact that he was prowling around on this floor.

But he didn't want to waste the time that he could have with Arthur. Ever since that embrace and the confessions they'd made to each other earlier in the day, he'd been in an agony of frustration, wanting to be closer to the other man and knowing that he couldn't do so publicly.

That decided him. The thought that he was wasting the time that he could be close to the man whose nearness he craved had him out of the chair and approaching the door to his room before he could caution himself any further.

John opened the door quietly, going out into the hallway and closing it after him. Turning towards the direction of Arthur's room, he closed his eyes. clenching his fists at his sides. If he was doing the wrong thing, he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to know. He only wanted to think about Arthur, and the joy he would feel at being close to him.

Besides, they only had a few days left to be together. He'd managed to get an extension to make his time here last longer, but that only left them another eight days. Only eight more days to be together -- eight days that would have to last for several weeks, possibly months, before they would have the opportunity to see each other again.

He'd heard so much about long-distance relationships, about how people grew apart when they could no longer see each other on a day-to-day basis. That wouldn't happen to Arthur and himself, John insisted silently, trying to beat down that little vioce in the back of his mind that was telling him this would never work out. They would make it work. Somehow.

He moved slowly down the hallway, finally stopping in front of the door to Arthur's room. Should he knock? Or should he just take his courage into his hands and go in? Arthur was expecting him, possibly even waiting impatiently for him. There was no reason to hesitate.

Squaring his shoulders, he pushed open the door, entering the room and closing it behind him. He could hear the lock click into place as he raised his head to scan the room, squinting slightly in the soft glow of the lamplight.

Arthur rose from where he'd been sitting on the bed, holding out his hands to John. In the space of a few seconds, he'd crossed the room and taken the young teacher into his arms.

John caught his breath when Arthur's soft lips found his, letting his own arms slide around that slender waist as he was pulled close against the other man's warm body. He couldn't speak, couldn't think, could barely breathe; Arthur filled his senses completely.

"I was so afraid you weren't coming," Arthur whispered when their lips parted. "I sat here and thought that I'd frightened you away, that maybe I hadn't heard what you'd told me earlier. That I'd made it up in my mind, and that you could never feel the same as I do."

"And I was worried that you didn't mean it, that you didn't want me as anything more than a friend and that I would be making a mistake by doing this," John murmured, raising one thin hand to stroke his fingertips down Arthur's cheek. "Thank goodness those were the wrong thoughts."

"Indeed they were," Arthur said softly, moving backwards towards the bed and pulling John along with him. "If I'm honest -- I've been attracted to you from the moment we first met. I hadn't intended to say anything to you -- but I'm far too good at keeping my feelings to myself, and then regretting it later. I wasn't going to let that happen again."

"I'm glad you didn't," John told him, feeling awkward as the two of them sat down on the bed. For the first time in his life, he cursed his innocence, that feeling of being lost and uninformed about what was expected of him. He knew what would happen physically, of course; but he had no earthly idea of how to go about instigating it.

"John ...." Arthur's voice was cautious, hesitant. "If you'd rather not .... I'm not going to force you into anything, you know."

"It isn't that I don't want to," John said, taking Arthur's hand in his and twining their fingers together. "It's just that .... I don't really know what I'm doing. I've never ...." He blushed, looking down at their joined hands, wishing that he didn't have to admit just how innocent he was.

"I've never been with anyone," Arthur mumbled, his voice so low that John had to strain to hear him. "I'm not attracted to women, and I've never had the courage to tell another man about my .... preferences. I can't say that I know what I'm doing, either."

"Then we can discover it together," John whispered, his heart swelling in his chest at Arthur's admission. Of all the things he'd expected to hear, that hadn't been one of them. He couldn't quite believe that someone as beautiful as Arthur had no sexual experience, but that would make what they shared all the more special.

"We're a bit like two babes in the woods, aren't we?" Arthur said, his voice sounding a little tremulous. John looked over at him, squeezing the slender hand in his and giving the other man a soft smile. Leaning over, he brushed his lips against Arthur's cheek for reassurance.

"We're both more innocent than we should be -- but I don't think that's a bad thing," he said softly, his dark gaze meeting Arthur's. "The first person you're with should be someone special in your life -- and I can't see anyone ever being more special than you."

"I'm not using you to end that innocence, John," Arthur told him, his soft voice serious. "I wouldn't have asked you to come here if I didn't --" He swallowed hard, looking away for a few moments before his eyes met John's again, the honesty and sincerity in their dark depths almost palpable. ".... If I didn't love you."

John was sure that his heart was turning over in his chest; such a declaration was more than he'd dared to hope for. Raising a hand to turn Arthur's face towards his own, he leaned forward, his lips meeting Arthur's again, clinging for long moments before finally pulling away slightly.

"I love you, too," he said simply, knowing that he meant those words more than he'd meant anything else he'd ever said to anyone.

Arthur didn't answer him; he only laid back on the pillows, pulling John down with him and reaching for the light on the bedside table. It flickered out, leaving them surrounded by the soft night air that filtered in through the open windows.

The moon shone into the window, illuminating Arthur's face on the pillow. John looked over at him, swallowing and trying to push back his insecurities. Arthur loved him. He loved Arthur. There was nothing wrong with what they were going to do. Nothing at all.

John closed his eyes when Arthur propped himself up on one elbow, then leaned over him and pressed his lips against John's mouth again. John sighed when he felt Arthur's hands start to move down his body, a soft, wordless sound that held mingled anticipation, fear, and happiness within one single breath.

He didn't know exactly what would happen between them tonight, but he knew that it would be something that he wanted. More than anything, he wanted to be with Arthur -- no matter what the outcome of this time together might possibly be.

He pulled Arthur down against him, kissing the other man back with all the pent-up passion that he'd been holding back, surrendering himself to whatever the night might bring.

***

Next story in series - Come Together.