By: Bad Faery
Disclaimer: All Galaxy Quest characters are owned by Dreamworks Pictures. I'm doing this for love, not money.
Companon piece to Countdown
We're still alive.
I'm not entirely sure how Jason managed it, but somehow he saved us all. And now we're back onstage at another damned convention and I'm not even sure how we got here.
The audience is going wild, not seeming to realize that their idols are bloody and shell-shocked. Maybe they think it's all some kind of performance. You'd think the fact that the latex covering my head is hanging in shreds would be a tip-off that something's wrong. Maybe it's best this way, nobody would ever believe the truth.
I look out into the screaming mass of people and change my mind. They'd believe it.
They already do.
I glance toward Jason again, expecting to see him soaking up the adulation. Instead he's running towards me.
It's a familiar sight. One often seen in both reality and in my fantasies.
Although in my fantasies he never looks frightened.
The rest of my brain is starting to catch up with the situation and I realize that Sarris is behind him. My instincts are screaming at me to protect, but my mind and body are not yet working in tandem. By the time I manage to take a staggering step towards our enemy, Jason has materialized a weapon, rolled and fired.
And it is over.
And he has saved us yet again.
The audience is cheering even louder than before and now he is basking in it. He turns to me with a smile and the look in his eyes is what I see in my fantasies. There... laughter and love and lust. A true happiness that comes so easily to him, that I have not felt in years.
He steps toward me.
Yes Jason. Now, please now. Take me in front of all these people. Kiss me. Claim me. I won... fight you again if you do this one small thing for me. Just love me back.
He takes another step and then Gwen is in his arms. Reality comes crashing down around me as he dips her and kisses her theatrically. The mob screams louder at this long-awaited moment and I remember. I remember that he was looking at her, wants her.
Not me. Never me. That look will never fall on me outside of my dreams and I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. Because I have loved him since our first season on the air.
Because she doesn't love him.
That...not entirely true. She loves him like a friend. Like a childish younger brother. She'll flirt and she'll tease and she'll never feel anything other than maternal towards him.
Maybe that's enough now. None of us are getting younger. Maybe she'll settle for a boyfriend- a husband- that she can mother. Maybe she just needs somebody to take care of. Jason won't know- will never know- that that's all she feels for him. He'll fancy himself her great passion, the love of her life, because he can see himself as nothing else. It is simply his way and the cheering horde is doing nothing to dissuade him.
Jason is the center of the universe.
Our lives revolve around him because the show revolves around him and our lives are the show. It can be no other way.
But Jason would have been the center of my universe had the show never attracted a single fan. If we'd never done a convention, if we'd never all reassembled, he still would have been my world. I am strangely grateful for this sad world of conventions and events. My addiction to him is fed frequently without forcing me to find excuses to seek him out. I can be near him and he will never have to know.
He turns from his audience now, turns toward me. He beckons me forward from the shadows of the ship and into his light. I hang back until the full force of his smile is turned upon me.
As Gwen pulls me forward, I have an epiphany.
Jason truly loves this.
He loves the fans, loves the show with a passion that surpasses even his feelings for Gwen.
And because he loves the show- and because the show is my life- he loves me.
Jason loves me. Maybe even more than he loves Gwen.
His love is an abstract thing. It is not something he will ever truly be aware of. Not something he will contemplate or act on. It will not warm me on a cold night or allow me to feel his desire outside of my dreams. He'll... never know.
But I will know.
And maybe it will be enough.
I take my bow with the rest of the crew, hyper-aware of his presence although Gwen stands between us. I wrap an arm around her, so I can reach him. I can feel his happiness as tactilely as I can feel his hair sliding through my fingers. And as I touch him, some of that happiness enters me as well.
And I smile.
Because it is enough.