Title: Every Time We Say Goodbye
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Giacomo Casanova
Fandom: Doctor Who/Casanova (Masterpiece Theater)
Rating: PG-13
Table: Buffet 2, fc_smorgasbord
Prompt: 35, Sad
Author's Note: The character of Giacomo Casanova is based on the BBC version of Casanova starring David Tennant.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Giacomo Casanova. Please do not sue.

***

"Why so sad, caro mio?" Giac asked, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at the Doctor as the two of them reclined in the Time Lord's bed. "We have a while to be together, do we not? We won't have to say goodbye for at least another few hours."

"Another few days," the Doctor corrected him, trying to smile. "I don't have to leave for awhile -- and as far as I know, there's nothing on your schedule, either." He raised a hand to stroke his fingers through Giac's hair, savoring the feeling of being close to his lover.

He shouldn't feel so sad, he told himself sternly. He had known when he first became involved with Giac that their partings would be inevitable, and he'd told himself that he could cope with them. After all, having Giac in a life for brief periods of time was better than not having him there at all.

But it was starting to feel as though the time that they were separated grew longer and longer, and the time that they could spend together grew more and more brief. He could feel Giac slipping away from him, and that could only make him feel depressed.

He had no right to feel this way, the Doctor told himself, suppressing a sigh. Giac was a wonderful gift that had been given to him, and every moment they spent together was yet another gift, one to be treasured and not taken for granted. He had known that from the beginning.

He had no right to wish for more. Giac was a figure of history, and he couldn't hold his beloved back from the future that awaited him. A traveling Time Lord who wasn't even from the same planet or time period that Giac existed in had no permanent place in his life.

But that never made it any easier to say goodbye when the time came for them to part; in fact, the knowledge that Giac had a life -- and other lovers -- when he wasn't there by his love's side made it all the harder to leave. He never knew what he would come back to find.

Giac would always love him; he knew that as surely as he knew that blood pumped through his veins and that he was alive. He didn't doubt what they felt for each other; he knew that love would never die, no matter how long the two of them had to be parted.

HE just hated these partings more and more, hated to say goodbye to the man he loved. Other people had the luxury of being with their lovers on a daily basis; why couldn't he? Why was it that the one thing he truly wanted, he could never have? Why was that happiness denied him?

Even as he asked the question in his mind, the Doctor knew the answer to it. He was denied that happiness because of who and what he was -- and because of who Giac was. He couldn't fall in love with someone who was just an ordinary, garden-variety human being. Oh no, not him.

He'd just had to go and fall in love with a historical personage, someone who couldn't let the world know that his heart belonged to a man. He had no place in Giac's history; he couldn't step up to his lover's side and acknowledge his place in Giac's life, or in his heart.

No, he would have to be the man who stayed hidden in the shadows, only one of the myriads of lovers that Giac was known for having. He could never let anyone that he was special to this man, that he had a place in Giacomo Casanova's heart that no one else would ever touch.

He would have to go on letting the world believe that someone else had taken first place in Giac's affections; that was the way it had to be, and he accepted that. But that didn't mean that a piece of his hearts wasn't torn away every time he thought about their situation.

And it didn't make having to say goodbye so many times any easier, either. It grew harder and harder to say that word every time he had to leave; there would eventually come a time when saying it would shatter his hearts into shards that he would never be able to put back together again.

Everything in his soul told him that it would be best for them both if, when he left this time, he stayed gone. He had no real place in Giac's life; their intimacy had run its course, and it was time for him to become nothing more than a fond memory in Giac's heart.

But even as the thought entered his mind, the Doctor knew that he couldn't do it. Not yet. He might have to face that final parting in the future, but as long as there was still a way for them to be together, he wasn't going to give Giac up until he absolutely had to do so.

"What are you thinking, caro?" Giac's voice was soft and husky; the loving tone of his words almost brought tears to the Doctor's eyes. He couldn't tell Giac what he was thinking; he didn't want to spoil the time they had together by worrying about when he would have to leave.

Still, he didn't want to have any secrets from his lover. Giac deserved the truth from him; it was one thing that he vowed to always do with anyone he loved, to tell them the truth no matter what problems it could cause. He would never lie to anyone he loved. Not ever again.

He'd done it once, and it had cost him the man he'd loved more than life. He had watched that man walk away, knowing that even though they would remain friends, nothing would ever put the pieces of what they had been back together. And he had always regretted not being honest.

Taking a deep breath, he looked directly into Giac's eyes, holding that bright blue gaze with his own. "I was thinking about the two of us -- and how much it's going to hurt when I leave again," he said softly, hoping that his words didn't cause Giac undue pain. "Wondering if it should be the last time."

Giac shook his head slowly, reaching out to cup the Doctor's cheek, stroking his fingers over the Time Lord's skin. "That would be your decision, caro. Though I think that what we share should keep you coming back -- unless you don't feel that is enough any more."

The Doctor shook his head, his movement mirroring Giac's. "Of course it's enough. It's more than enough. It's juts that .... every time we say goodbye, a piece of my hearts breaks away, and I know that I'll never get it back. It hurts too much to keep going through that time and time again."

"We knew that when we first became lovers that we would not be able to stay together all the time," Giac told him, his voice grave. "If you've changed your mind about that, Doctor, and you don't want to be with me at all because we can't always be together, I wouldn't blame you."

"Of course I haven't changed my mind," the Doctor whispered. "If I could be with you every second of every day, I would be. But I can't, and we both know it. You're destined for more than me, Giac. I just .... I wish we could have more than we do. I know it's selfish, but --"

"I want more as well, caro." Giac's voice was heavy with regret as he shook his head again. "But I have to be satisfied with what we do have. And every time we say goodbye, my heart is lightened by the fact that I know you will come back to me."

"I really should look at things in that light, shouldn't I?" the Doctor said with a soft sigh, capturing Giac's hand in his own and bringing the other man's fingertips to his lips. "I should realize that goodbye for us doesn't mean forever. That we'll be back in each other's arms again."

"Yes, you should," Giac said softly, moving closer to the Doctor and sliding his arms around the Time Lord's waist. "You should look at the fact that our partings will always lead to another meeting. We'll always have that to look forward to, no matter how far apart we might be."

The Doctor couldn't help smiling at Giac's words; he knew in his hearts that they were true. Every time the two of them said goodbye, they were setting the stage for their next meeting, and even though the partings were sad, they would be able to embrace their happiness when they met again.

"How is it that you always know just how to say the right thing when I need to hear it?" he murmured, nuzzling Giac's cheek with his own and turning his head to capture his lover's lips in a heady kiss that took his breath away, a kiss that he wanted to sink into forever.

Giac didn't answer him, but he knew the answer. Giac was a part of him, a part that he would never lose, even long after his human lover was gone from this realm and they couldn't be together any longer. Giac was always going to be there, even when they said goodbye for the final time.

Maybe all of the goodbyes they had to say during the time they knew each other were only preparing him for that last goodbye -- but that was far ahead of them, the Doctor told himself firmly. He didn't have to think about that final goodbye, not for a very long time to come.

All he had to do now was enjoy the time that he had with Giac before he had to leave again. And he intended to do just that, to make the most of what time they did have together. This time, when they said goodbye, he would think of their next meeting, and the sadness would turn into joy.

***