Title: Forever May You Run
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 20, Run
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

It seemed to him that he'd spent a great deal of his life running away from things, the Doctor reflected, stretching out his long legs and propping his feet up on the console of his ship. At least for the moment, it seemed that he didn't have to do that.

But how long would that state of affairs last? he asked himself, smiling wryly. Not very, if he knew his propensity for getting into trouble.

He had a definite talent for that, he thought, sighing and leaning his had back to look up at the ceiling. Somehow, it seemed that trouble seemed to find him, even when he wasn't looking for it. And he had the unfortunate tendency to stumble into it, as well.

Not to mention that trouble seemed to draw him in, like the proverbial moth to a flame.

All of which contributed to him having to run away from too many situations -- or at least having to run to protect himself and the people with him. Though he was alone at the moment, which could in some ways be seen as a good thing.

How many times had he told a companion to run when they were with him? He was sure that if he tried to count all of those times, starting from his first body onwards, he'd have gotten into the hundreds of thousands by the time he reached the last incarnation.

Sighing, he closed his eyes, wishing that he could avoid the inevitable avenue that those thoughts would lead him down.

Trouble wasn't the only thing he ran away from; he'd been told that too many times in his life. He ran from entanglements, involvements; he ran from giving himself fuly to anyone, from letting others see what was in his hearts.

Sometimes he wasn't sure if that was because he didn't trust the people around him, or more that he didn't trust himself. He knew all too well that he had the definite tendency to reach out to people when it would be better for him to be more wary.

He ran from that closeness just as much as he craved it. It was one of the contradictions of his nature that he would want someone to be close to him at the same time as he pushed them away, misled them to believe that his feelings were less than what they actually were.

He'd done that with Jack -- and what had it gotten him but having the one man who could have given him forever walking away from him?

That should have taught him to trust people more, to give his hearts more freely. But instead, it had made him even more cautious of trusting people, running from them when they showed the least indication that their feelings might head in a certain direction.

And no matter how many times he told himself that running away was a form of self-preservation, it was really a way for him to avoid facing his own emotions and looking them squarely in the face. That was something he couldn't bring himself to do.

Jack had asked him when he'd left how long he was going to run, and the Doctor had a ready answer for him. The same answer that he would always give to that question.

"Forever."

He could still remember the look in Jack's eyes when he'd said that; the immortal had shaken his head, turning and walking away without a backward glance. That was the last time they'd spoken to each other about anything concerning their emotions.

He'd said those words in such a flat voice that Jack must have been convinced he meant them. He hadn't, not deep within himself; he wanted nothing so much as to be able to stop running, to give himself over to someone with all of his hearts and soul.

But where was he going to find that person? It wasn't as though he could just pull them out of thin air -- and he knew better than to search for them.

No. He wasn't going to find someone else to reach out to. He'd learned the folly of that.

His solitude was one of the sacrifices he'd had to make to be what he was. If he hadn't been prepared to deal with that, he wouldn't have made the decision to become a Time Lord -- would he? That was a question that he'd never have a completely truthful answer for.

And, after all, he told himself firmly, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind as he stood up and straightened his tie, running kept him safe. If he didn't stop running, then he never had to look back and contemplate just what he was running from.

The coward's way out, Jack would have said, with a twinkle in his eyes and a wink at the Doctor. He didn't want to think of himself as a coward, did he?

The Doctor allowed himself another sardonic smile as he bent over the console, studying the readouts with a practiced eye. Running kept his hearts safe, and that was the only important thing.

Wasn't it?

***