Title: From the Ashes
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: slash_me_twice
Prompt: 87, Phoenix
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie propped his chin on his hand as he watched the Doctor leaning over the console of the Tardis, studying some readouts before turning his attention to a different viewscreen. He was engrossed in what he was doing, not noticing that Jamie was watching him.

He could never get enough of looking at the Doctor, Jamie reflected silently. The other man might look just like him, but there were some differences between them that were glaringly obvious, at least to his way of thinking. Differences that he wished weren't there.

The main difference was this human body that he still felt trapped in. It was wonderful that he looked exactly like the Doctor -- he was vain enough to appreciate looking like the most beautiful man he'd ever seen -- but this body had so many shortcomings.

He needed so much more sleep now, for one thing. Jamie knew that the Doctor didn't mind being beside him in bed and holding him while he slept, but he couldn't keep back the frustrating feeling that he was missing so much while his body energized itself through slumber.

There were other things, too. He got tired so much more easily now -- he didn't have the stamina that the Doctor did. It was frustrating to know that he could do so much more as a Time Lord, and to know that he never would, not in this human body.

And there was the thing that dismayed him most of all -- his single heart. Jamie pressed a hand to his chest, feeling that single heartbeat under his palm. How could humans live with only one heart? It still felt strange to him, even after all the time he'd spent in this body.

No matter how long he was in this body, even if he lived to be a very old man in human years, Jamie didn't think that he would ever get used to only having one heartbeat reverberating through his body. It would always feel strange -- even alien.

His mouth curved slightly in a wry smile. To him, being human was an alien way of living -- though to any human, he would seem like the alien, because of his Time Lord brain. He didn't belong completely to the human race, but he wasn't Gallifreyan, either.

He was an amalgam of the two, something that had never been before and would never be again. His body and brain were probably something that either race wouldn't believe could coexist in one being; he was a being that scientists would love to get their hands on.

Of course, the Doctor would never let that happen. He could count on the other man to protect him; the Doctor wouldn't let any harm come to him, not even if he had to sacrifice himself. But Jamie was equally determined that no situation would come to that.

The man who had given him life was the most heroic being Jamie could possibly imagine, and he was only a human. How could he live up to what this man was, what he himself had come from? He felt inferior at the mere thought.

Sighing softly, he closed his eyes, then opened them a moment later to focus on the Doctor again. The Time Lord was still paying close attention to what he was doing, giving Jamie the opportunity to study the other man at his leisure.

That didn't happen often, he thought with an inner smile. The Doctor was usually in perpetual motin; it was hard to get him to sit still for more than a few moments at a time, unless he was tired, or he had manged to settle down with a book he was interested in.

But that was one of the things that Jamie loved about the Time Lord -- his enthusiasm, his tendency to always be in motion. He himself didn't have that kind of energy any more; it was just one more failing of this human body that he didn't feel at home in.

The Time Lord wasn't trapped in any one body. He could rise like a phoenix from the ashes when one body was at the end of its life, and continue on in another one. There were drawbacks, of course, but to Jamie, it seemed much better than life in a single human body.

He didn't want the Doctor to give up the body he was in now. Jamie loved that body -- and more than that, he loved the man who was in it. He didn't want the Doctor to become someone else, to undergo those personality changes that were inevitable with a regeneration.

Jamie dreaded the day that a regeneration might happen; he wasn't ready to lose the man he loved. And if that happened, the new person that the Doctor became might not want the responsibility of a human clone with him. Especially if he was much more aged by that time.

The thought made him tremble, a small, stifled sob escaping his throat before he could stop it. The Time Lord lifted his head from perusing the console, a frown furrowing his brow as he crossed the control room to where Jamie sat, kneeling down in front of him.

"Jamie, what's wrong?" he murmured, taking his lover's hands in his. "I could feel that you're unsettled about something -- don't keep it bottled up inside, sweetheart. If something's bothering you, I want to know. I want to try to make it better."

"I was thinking about .... what might happen if you regenerate," Jamie said softly, gulping to keep back tears. "You'll rise like a phoenix -- you'll be a new man. But what will happen to me? The person you become next might not want me around any longer."

The Doctor shook his head, looking up at Jamie from where he knelt. "No, Jamie, that won't happen. If I were to regenerate any time that you're with me, I might change into a different man, but whoever I become will always have feelings for you. I don't believe that will ever change."

"But what if it does?" Jamie whispered, feeling panic rising in him. "What will I do then? I don't think I'll ever get used to being in this human body. And I don't want to have to go back to Earth and try to learn how to live there as a human."

"You won't have to." The Doctor's voice was strong and firm; he sounded absolutely sure of what he was saying. "No matter what, this will always be your home, Jamie. You belong with me, here on the Tardis. No one will ever turn you away from here."

"I wish I could be that phoenix," Jamie told him, his voice trembling, still on the verge of tears though he could feel the panic receding. "I wish I didn't have to grow old. I don't want to be human, Doctor. I want my body to match my brain."

"I wish you could, Jamie," the Doctor murmured, raising a hand to stroke the other man's cheek. "But I don't know how to make that happen. I don't even know if it can. I'd do anything to make you happy, love. But with this, my hands are tied."

Jamie bowed his head, closing his eyes. "I know. And I shouldn't make you feel as though you've given me some kind of flawed existence. It's enough that you gave me life. I don't have anything to complain about, not really. It's just that ...."

"You can remember so much that isn't possible now," the Doctor finished for him in a soft voice. "I can understand that, Jamie. But you're here with me. We're together, and we will be, for as long as you live. I promise you that, sweetheart. I hope that counts for something."

"It counts for a lot," Jamie told him, swallowing hard and trying to get his voice under control. "I'm being silly, Doctor. I might not be able to rise from the ashes the way you can, but I have a lot to live for -- and a lot to be thankful for."

"So do I," the Doctor said, squeezing his hands gently. "I have the man I love in my life, and I'm never going to let him go." He reached up to stroke a hand through Jamie's hair, smiling up at his lover. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me, phoenix or no."

"I don't mind that at all," Jamie told him, feeling a surge of relief flow through him. The Doctor might have to change outwardly, but their relationship never would. In an uncertain world where he still wasn't comfortable in his own skin, that was at least one thing that he could be sure of.

***