Title: Barrel of A Gun
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Michael Cutter
Fandom: Doctor Who/Law & Order
Rating: R
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 96, Writer's Choice - Shock
Author's Note: Spoilers for the Law & Order episode By Perjury.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor looked up as Michael entered the living room, a smile on his face, expecting to see an answering smile from his lover. But the expression on Michael's face was anything but happy and relaxed. He looked pale, unsettled, shaken to the core.

"Michael, what is it?" The Doctor started to rise from the couch, a worried frown settling onto his features. Michael looked as though he might faint at any moment; in the time that they'd been involved, he'd never seen the other man look like this.

But Michael shook his head, holding up a hand as if to motion the Doctor to stay seated. He came over to the couch, sinking down beside the Time Lord and resting his head in his hands.

It was only then that the Doctor noticed how badly Michael's hands were shaking.

What in the world could have happened to cause this? The Doctor was fairly sure that it couldn't have been one of the cases that Michael was arguing in court; his lover wasn't the type of person who would let his job get to him in this way.

No, something else must have happened, something that had shaken Michael to the point that he was having a hard time getting past it. Whatever it was, the Doctor hoped that it wasn't something that would have any lasting effects.

He didn't want to make Michael feel uncomfortable, or rush him into talking about something that might be difficult for him to put into words at the moment. But still, he had to know. He had the disconcerting that this could affect both of them, in some way.

"Michael .... whatever happened, you're safe now. You're home, and I'm here, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he said softly, taking both of his lover's hands in his and entwining their fingers. "Try to calm down, all right?"

Michael nodded silently, swallowing hard, his eyes focused on their linked hands. FInally, he raised his eyes to meet the Doctor's gaze, his lips parting to speak but not forming words for a few long moments that seemed to stretch out into eternity.

"I was nearly murdered tonight," he finally said, the words barely above a whisper.

"Wh-what?" The Doctor's first fleeting thought was that he couldn't have understood Michael, that his ears were playing tricks on him and he wasn't hearing things correctly. That couldn't be true. "When d-did this happen? Who was it?"

He was stammering, stuttering, his ears ringing. Someone had tried to kill Michael? He knew that his lover dealt with criminals, but he'd always imagined that Michael was safe, that he wasn't in a position where he could be harmed.

"A man who I helped convict," Michael said, almost clinging to the Doctor's hands as he spoke. "He .... obviously wasn't happy with the verdict. He came after me in the men's room after the trial. With a gun."

The Doctor made a small, choked noise from the back of his throat; it was the only sound he was capable of uttering at the moment.

"I didn't expect it," Michael continued, his voice gaining strength as he spoke. "I thought he was just there to bitch about the outcome of the trial -- until he pulled out that gun and held it in my face and I looked down the barrel."

The Doctor kept his eyes on Michael's face, searching his lover's features anxiously. Michael was pale, obviously shocked, but other than that, he seemed all right. Apparently, this madman hadn't managed to harm him in any way.

"I've never been in that kind of a situation before," Michael whispered, his voice hoarse. "I've always known that some of the people I prosecute committed horrible crimes, that they took lives. But I never thought one of them would try to take mine."

Michael's voice was starting to sound shaky; the Doctor could feel those hands trembling in his own, and he was sure that Michael was close to having some sort of breakdown. He wanted to avoid that -- or at least to be able to forestall the worst of it, if he could.

"He's locked away now, isn't he?" The Doctor kept his voice soft, soothing, as calm as he possibly could. "He isn't going to get to you, Michael. You're safe now. You're home, and I'm here."

The other man looked over at him, that dark gaze locking with his own and not looking away. "I'm scared for you, John. I'm scared that you could get hurt from being involved with me. Tonight made me realize that I'm putting you at risk by ...."

His voice trailed off, and he looked down at his hands as though he was at a loss for words. The Doctor blinked, surprised. He had no idea what Michael had been about to say, and he didn't want to press for an explanation. But he had to know.

"Michael, by what? You couldn't do anything that would put me in danger, I'm sure of it," he said softly, tightening his fingers around Michael's. "I can take care of myself, you know. And nobody's going to come after me. How could you put me at risk?"

"By loving you," Michael whispered, his voice barely audible even in the silence of the room.

The Doctor could feel his throat constricting, tears rising behind his eyes that he had to blink back rapidly to keep them from falling. He hadn't expected to hear those words from Michael, not yet. But hearing them made his hearts beat faster, almost leaping in his chest.

"No one's going to hurt me, Michael," he murmured, trying to keep his voice steady. "You don't have anything to be afraid of on that score. Most people don't even know that you're involved with me. It's you that I worry about."

He wasn't about to tell Michael what his own life was like -- that he spent a great deal of his time dealing with threats not only to the population of the city that he was calling his home at the moment, but with threats to the universe. Michael wasn't ready to hear that yet.

Certainly not now, when he was still so stunned by what had almost happened to him. Truth be told, the Doctor felt more than a bit shell-shocked by it himself. He still couldn't quite believe that he'd come so close to losing his lover.

"I don't think I realized just how much I have until I was looking down that gun barrel," Michael said slowly, his gaze meeting the Time Lord's again. "It's true about your life flashing before your eyes when you think you're going to die. Mine did. And I knew that I didn't want to lose it."

Michael's voice had dropped to a mere thread of sound, and even though the Doctor was sitting right next to him, he had to strain to hear the next words.

"I knew that I didn't want to lose you. That was all I could think about, John. That I'd never see you again. That I'd never hold you, or touch you, or have the chance to say that I love you." His fingers tightened convulsively on the Doctor's. "So I'm saying it now. While I can."

"I love you, too." The words came out almost before he knew what he was saying, but he didn't wish them unsaid. He meant them with every fiber of his being, and a part of him wished that he'd said them before now.

Michael didn't say anything else, only reached for him, and the Doctor wrapped his arms around the other man and let Michael rest his head against his shoulder. It was the first time that he'd actually held his lover, instead of being held by him.

And somehow, it felt natural. Michael needed his arms, his comfort, and he wasn't going to hold back any part of himself from the man he loved.

The thought flashed across his mind that Michael hadn't answered his question about that man being locked up -- but he had to be. No one would have let him go free after what he'd attempted to do, so Michael had to be safe now. The man had to be behind bars.

This was going to keep him from going out in the Tardis for a few days, at least. Until he knew that Michael was completely safe, and that his lover was recovered from the shock of what had nearly happened to him. But that was a small price to pay to be here with Michael.

A shudder went through his thin body as he held Michael; the feeling that somehow, this incident was only the beginning, and that there was something else to come in the future that neither of them could even begin to imagine.

***