Title: Temporary Happiness
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 50ficlets
Prompt: 42, Need
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

This was frustrating beyond belief, thought the Doctor, scowling and clenching his fists as he leaned over the console of the Tardis.

How long was he going to keep running throughout the galaxy, trying to convince himself that he wasn't lonely and that he didn't need someone in his life? He'd been doing this for far too long, since the last companion had left him.

Of course, that had been his choice. He hadn't wanted to risk anyone else, to make himself feel that other people were putting their lives on the line for him. He didn't need that kind of guilt weighing him down along with everything else.

All right, so that was terribly selfish of him. But didn't he have a right to attend to his needs once in a while, instead of looking out for the needs of the rest of the world? He had so make sure that he could function, didn't he?

And he couldn't function with that kind of guilt hanging over his head. He was better off alone. He'd proven that to himself several times over.

Then why didn't he believe it? Why was he still harboring that hope in the back of his mind that he would find a new companion, someone who wanted to be with him, someone who could stay with him forever and give him the love and support he craved?

Because he needed that person in his life, that was why. And there was that small spark of hope that he tried to keep buried deep within himself that wasn't going to let him give up, that kept him searching for something he knew that he'd never find.

With a sigh, the Doctor pushed himself away from the console and began to pace around the control room, his hands clasped behind his back.

He'd struggled against his need for companionship for how long now? A few months? He'd thought that he was doing all right, that he was getting along fine without having someone here with him on a permanent basis.

But he hadn't realized how much the loneliness was eating into him. There were times when he felt that he was the last living being in the world, when he had to take the Tardis to Earth just to walk among the crowds of humans and know that he wasn't alone.

What was he going to do? Would it be better to actively search out a new companion, or wait until one came to him by chance, by some meeting that threw them together? How would he be sure when it was the right time -- and the right person?

He'd never been sure before, had he? Many of his companions had just .... happened. And the ones he'd actually chosen had been the ones who had seemed the most adept at leaving and eventually breaking his hearts.

So .... what he had to do was make a choice. Was he going to continue on in this way, miserable and alone, or was he going to look for a new companion?

The Doctor sighed, shaking his head as he leaned over the console again. He really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. He'd have to find a new companion. He couldn't keep on like this. He needed someone with him.

It didn't matter if they were a lover or not -- truth be told, he wasn't looking for that, not really. If he did end up developing those sorts of feelings, then it would happen and he could be glad of it. But he'd be happy just having someone there with him.

A friend, a companion, someone to talk to. Someone who could take the loneliness away, banish it to a far-off corner of his mind. Someone he could be close to, share his thoughts with, someone who could make him feel less isolated from the rest of the world.

Someone who would eventually leave, as all of his companions did -- and deliver one more blow to his hearts, put one more crack in the once-smooth surface.

Did he dare put himself through that kind of pain again? And if he did, could he stand it? He'd already proven to himself more than once that he could deal with that kind of pain, but he shrank from it unless it was absolutely necessary to endure.

With another sigh, he slumped over the console, admitting defeat. He had to give in to his need for companionship, even if his mind was urging him not to and telling him that he was better off without one. He couldn't be alone all the time. He just couldn't.

It was too hard. It was too much to ask of himself, to let this loneliness tear into him and rip him to shreds until it devoured him whole.

He'd been doing it for far too long now. It was time to find someone to be with him, whether as a friend or as something more. It was time to chase the loneliness away, to make himself happy again, even if that happiness wouldn't last.

At least a temporary happiness was better than none at all.

***