Title: Healing Power
Pairing: John Reese/Jordan Hester
Fandom: Person of Interest
Prompt: #469, Heal
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely John Reese or Jordan Hester, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***John looked down at his hands, wincing as he perused the scrapes on his palms. He had been lucky this time, but would he always be able to avoid being seriously hurt on the job? He had only narrowly avoided more than just some scrapes and bruises this time.
Being dragged behind a car down a stretch of sandy beach hadn't exactly been his preferred way of spending a Friday night, but he'd managed to get himself into a situation that it had taken some ingenuity to get out of. Fortunately, Fusco had been there to help him.
He hadn't been too badly hurt; there were no bones broken, and he'd managed to cut the ropes that had been used to drag him along before things had gone too far. Without Fusco there to slow them down, though, he could easily have died -- or at least been maimed for life.
What was he going to tell Jordan? John thought with a soft sigh. His boyfriend would have to know about what had happened, obviously. He couldn't hide the physical evidence from Jordan -- and he didn't want to outright lie, either. Lying wouldn't do their relationship any good.
He couldn't wait until his injuries were healed to see Jordan again; his boyfriend would be frantic if he didn't show up at his apartment at least every couple of days. He could always speak to his lover on the phone, but that wouldn't be enough to calm any fears that Jordan might have.
No, he had to see the other man, even though he didn't want to tell Jordan exactly what had happened and how much danger he'd been in. He didn't want to worry his boyfriend; Jordan had enough to deal with by just being with him. He didn't need to add to that burden.
Seeing Jordan would make him feel better; he had to admit that. It might be difficult to dance around the dangers of his life, but there was something about Jordan that comforted him, that soothed his soul and made him feel calmer and more settled than he usually did.
Being with Jordan would heal him, in so many ways. It wasn't a physical healing, but rather, a spiritual one. Jordan had an effect on him that no one else ever had; John always felt centered and calm after basking in his boyfriend's presence for even a short while.
He needed that kind of healing desperately, John thought with a sigh, leaning back in the chair he was sitting in and closing his eyes. He needed to lose himself in Jordan, to thrust away the dangers of his life for a while and pretend that he led a normal, quiet life with the man he loved.
He wouldn't be able to keep to that pretense for long, but at least he could have it in his life for a few brief moments in time. It wasn't enough, not by a long shot -- but at least it was there, and it was a refuge that he could run to for the emotional healing he increasingly needed.
That was a refuge that he sorely needed, especially at times like this. Harold was a good friend, and John cared about him, but he obviously couldn't offer the kind of comfort that Jordan could. And besides -- he wasn't in love with Harold. He never could have been.
John's lips twisted in a wry smile at the thought. He cared about Harold as a close friend and associate, but he loved Jordan. There had been an immediate attraction between them, one that had brought him to Jordan's door even though he'd told himself time and time again to stay away.
He hadn't been able to keep himself away. Even before that first night with Jordan, before they'd really talked and gotten to know each other, there had been a physical attraction between them that couldn't be denied. And it had only grown stronger with time.
At any other point in his life, he would have pushed that attraction away and said that it was too risky to take the chance of loving anyone. But now .... somehow, Jordan had changed everything in his life, including many of his views on how he should live that life.
Maybe falling in love hadn't been the brightest idea he'd ever had. But now that he had a lover in his life, someone he loved more than he'd ever thought possible, he wasn't willing to let the happiness that Jordan gave him simply fade away. He wouldn't let it go without a fight.
But there were times when it was so hard to know if he was doing the right thing! John almost groaned as leaned forward to rest his head on his folded arms, leaning against the table as though he would fall asleep there. He had too much on his mind, too many problems that he needed to confront.
This probably wasn't the best time for him to talk to Jordan, not so soon after he'd been through such a harrowing experience. He was still shaken, even though he didn't want to admit to that fact. But he needed the reassurance of having Jordan by his side.
He needed to hold Jordan, to be close to the man he loved, to know that Jordan was safe and protected in his arms. He might not be able to keep himself out of dangerous situations, but he could be sure that he kept Jordan safe, protected him to the best of his considerable abilities.
How could he have let himself fall for someone at this point in his life? The question popped into his mind with no warning; John sat up straighter in the chair, his eyes opening wide. It hadn't been something that he had thought to ask himself before.
He really had no right to fall in love with Jordan, did he? He was putting his boyfriend in an untenable position -- and in some ways, himself as well. He had to keep intrinsic parts of his life hidden from the man he loved, when there should be complete honesty between them.
Harold had asked him several times if he thought that falling in love with Jordan, being with him, trying to live something of a normal life, was a good idea for someone like him. He had simply given the other man what he hoped was an enigmatic smile -- and hadn't answered the question.
In truth, he didn't know if his life with Jordan was the best thing for either of them -- but he knew that he could never give up the love of his life. He belonged with Jordan; whether it was a good idea for them to be together or not seemed like a moot point.
Nothing mattered other than what they felt for each other. Losing Jordan would leave too much of an empty space in his life; that had happened to him before, but never to the extent that it would if Jordan wasn't a part of his life any longer. He never wanted to feel that way again.
Jordan was the only person who had the ability to heal him from the inside out, and he needed that healing in his life. He needed Jordan's warmth and understanding, his acceptance of who John was without intruding into the shadows that his life was wrapped in.
He couldn't lose that, couldn't give it up. Without that healing, he would become cold and withdrawn, turning his back on his personal needs. He'd spent far too many years trying to do that, and he didn't want to return to that cold, lonely place he'd inhabited for so long.
He needed Jordan's gentleness in his life. He needed that loving touch, that healing power that only Jordan had. All it took was one smile, one touch, and it was though he could feel himself melting from the inside out, responding to the healing that Jordan sent directly to his heart and soul.
There was so much violence in his life that it had seeped into his bones, almost becoming a part of him. He needed Jordan in his life to remind him that everything wasn't always about violence and evening a score. Sometimes life was just about the healing power of loving and being loved.
That love had healed him more than anything else ever could. That was what Jordan gave him that no one else could -- an unconditional love that asked no questions and made no judgments. It was just a simple, uncomplicated love that reached out to him and wrapped him in its warm glow.
He had never believed in the healing power of love before; he'd always considered himself too cynical to have any kind of belief in something so pure and uncomplicated. But since he'd met Jordan, he not only believed in that power -- he reveled in the fact that he'd found it.
There had been love in his life in the past, but never the kind of love that Jordan gave him. There had always been something held back on both sides, a caution, an unwillingness to surrender completely. Not just in himself, but in the people he'd been with, as well.
This time, his heart was wide open -- and he was taking care not to close himself off from his lover. There were some things that he obviously couldn't tell Jordan, but he shared as much of his life as he could, and he didn't want to keep Jordan locked out of anything for much longer.
That had been done out of necessity, he told himself firmly. And at some point, that necessity would no longer be there. Jordan had a right to know what he did -- and he would have to know sooner or later. Then the healing process could begin in earnest.
A lot of the emotional wounds that he carried from the past had been healed by Jordan's love already, John thought to himself, his lips curving in the barest hint of a smile. And at some point in the future, they would all be gone. He trusted Jordan to heal them all.
Jordan was the brightest light in his life, the rock that he could cling to when it felt as though everything else in his world was falling apart. He'd lived in darkness for so long that the light Jordan brought to him was almost blinding at times, but he needed that light more than he'd ever needed anything.
He had to see his boyfriend. He couldn't just sit here and think of Jordan -- he needed that healing, needed the other man's presence, needed to be with Jordan. He needed to hold his boyfriend, kiss him, touch him, feel the healing power of the love they shared wash over him.
John got to his feet and headed for the door, reaching for his coat and shrugging into it as he went. He might have a hard time explaining to Jordan just how he'd gotten hurt, but the words would come, and he would be able to bask in Jordan's healing love until he felt complete again.
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