Title: Holding on For Dear Life
Pairing: John Reese/Jordan Hester
Fandom: Person of Interest
Prompt: 10, Weakness
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely John Reese or Jordan Hester, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***"Harold still thinks I'm your weakness, doesn't he?"
John looked over at Jordan; his boyfriend was watching him with an open gaze, his brows raised in question. He knew that he had to answer.
He sighed, dropping his gaze to stare at his own hands wrapped around the warmth of his coffee mug. Why did Jordan want to bring this subject up now, after a night of glorious lovemaking? Why couldn't he just let them bask in the luxuriousness of what they had shared?
Because he didn't feel that he was really a part of John's life. Because he still felt that he was on the outside looking in. The answer came to John all too quickly.
Was that true? Did Jordan feel that he somehow didn't belong?
That wasn't true, John told himself fiercely. He was risking a lot to keep Jordan in his life, and the other man knew it. Harold could easily say that they couldn't work together any more.
That thought clutched at his heart. Without working with Harold, his life would be empty, devoid of nearly all of its meaning. All that he would have left was Jordan, and that was too large a burden for the man he loved to bear. He wasn't even sure that Jordan could cope with that.
No, he had to keep working with Harold. If he didn't, then he would wither away and cease to exist. As much as he loved Jordan, love wouldn't keep him going.
He needed more than that. Without the work he and Harold did, a part of his soul would die. And then loving Jordan would simply not be enough.
John spoke slowly, feeling for the right words, hoping that he was findng them. "Yes, he does," he said, keeping his voice even and controlled. "But he won't always think that way. I'm trying my best to convince him that you can be an asset to us. That loving you doesn't put me in danger."
"He's worried about putting me in danger, John," Jordan said with a soft sigh. "He doesn't want to feel that he has to be responsible for getting another person killed."
John shook his head in negation, a quick, decisive movement.
He didn't know what to say, how to put things right, how to make Jordan stop worrying about what Harold might think. And then the words were there, pouring from his lips.
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he said, his voice rough as he reached across the table to take his boyfriend's hand, gazing into Jordan's dark eyes. "You're not a weakness. Harold is wrong about that. You're my strength. My peace of mind. And you always will be."
Jordan nodded, holding onto his hand. It took John a few moments to realize that the other man's hand was squeezing his, as though Jordan was holding on for dear life.
For all John knew, maybe Jordan was doing just that.
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