Title: Hourglass
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: Connect 3, Graph 2, in 5_prompts
Prompt: 5, Grains of sand
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed as he sat down on the warm sand of the beach that stretched for what seemed like miles around him, gazing out at the azure waters of the sea. It was beautiful here; this was one of the most peaceful places he'd ever found on Earth.

Did Jamie feel the same? He wondered how the other man felt about them spending so much time on Earth. Ever since Jamie had told him that he was afraid of the Doctor leaving him here, to learn how to live as a human, he'd worried about being on this planet.

Of course he wasn't going to abandon Jamie on Earth. He couldn't imagine his life without the other man being a part of it; the last thing he wanted to do was to leave the man he loved on this planet and take another companion to be with him.

He'd never do that. He'd never willingly put Jamie away from him. The Doctor had no idea why his lover should be afraid of something like that happening; surely Jamie knew him well enough to know that it wasn't in his nature to abandon anyone he loved.

He had done it before, but that hadn't truly been abandonment. He'd had to leave people behind, or let them go of their own free will. He'd given them the choice of what they wanted, and then respected their choice. He'd done what he felt was the right thing to do.

If Jamie told him that he wanted to stay here on Earth, then he would respect that wish. But Jamie was different from any of his other companions; this man was his lover, the person who owned his heart. He was much, much more than any companion had ever been.

And more than that, Jamie was a part of him. This man understood him from the inside out; he shared the Doctor's past experiences, his memories, his feelings. He shared everything with the Doctor -- other than his Time Lord body.

It still amazed the Doctor that it was possible for a Time Lord brain to exist in a human body. It didn't make sense to him, not really; but Jamie was something that had never existed before, a prototype, a completely unique being in the universe.

The Doctor trailed his fingers absently through the sand, swirling it around and picking up a handful. He let it trail through his long, slender fingers with a soft sigh, his eyes on the falling grains. This sand could almost measure the time that he had with Jamie.

That was the hardest thing for him to accept about their relationship. As much as Jamie looked like him and shared so much of what he was, the other man was human. He would age and die, and the Doctor would have to watch that happen.

The sand sifting through his fingers was like the grains of sand in an hourglass, slowly ticking away the time that he would be granted with the man he loved. A much shorter time than he would have had if Jamie was an exact replica of himself.

If only there wasn't that one tiny difference -- the fact that Jamie's body was human. All right, so it wasn't just a tiny difference, the Doctor told himself with a sigh. In terms of their future, it was the biggest difference there could possibly be between them.

Why couldn't Jamie have had a Time Lord body? The other man had come into being from his severed hand and his regenerative energy -- so it would have made much more sense that he had been born a Time Lord, rather than a human.

It wasn't fair, the Doctor thought mutinously, a frown settling onto his handsome features. He'd finally found the one person in the world who could understand him, who knew exactly what it was like to be him -- and that person had such a short life span.

Knowing that was worse for Jamie than it was for him, he thought with a sigh. Jamie's mind was used to thinking that he could regenerate when he was near the end of his life -- it would be so hard for him to accept the fact that he was human and would die long before he should.

Their situation was just one of those little vagaries of life, the Doctor told himself, closing his eyes as he picked up another handful of sand and let it slowly sift through his fingers. It was as though fate herself was laughing at them and mocking their wishes.

What would his greatest wish be, if he could have it come true? Before the advent of Jamie in his life, he would have said that wish would be to find a companion who could stay with him forever -- someone like Jack, or even Jack himself.

But he'd discovered during the meta-crisis that Jack wasn't the man for him. He still cared about the immortal as a friend, of course -- he always would. But what they had shared between them physically was long gone, leaving only a friendship behind.

No, it was Jamie was came first and foremost in his life now. If he could have one wish granted, it would be for Jamie to have the same ability that Jack did -- to be unable to die, to stay with him forever, to be his lover and his companion for the rest of his days.

That still wasn't the perfect solution, the Doctor told himself, looking out over the expanse of glittering water again. He himself would eventually come to his end -- and where would that leave Jamie? He would have to live on without the Doctor in his life.

He wouldn't want to condemn the man he loved to that kind of a life; he'd had to deal with losing loved ones himself often enough, and he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, much less someone he loved. No, that wasn't the answer, was it?

But what was the answer? His shoulders slumped as he leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. There wasn't any. At least, not one that could solve the problem he was facing. And even if there was, he couldn't make those dreams become reality.

He would have to accept things the way they were -- that Jamie was human, that he was going to age and die, that it was inevitable. That Jamie's life was like grains of sand in an hourglass, ticking away much more quickly than his own.

There was no other choice but for them to face that fact, and make the most of the time they were together. They couldn't give themselves more time; that would be trying to cheat fate, and the Doctor had found out too often in the past that attempting to do that never worked.

A slight breeze had sprung up, ruffling the calmness of the waves. The Doctor watched them for a few moments, then picked up another handful of sand. This time, instead of merely falling through his fingers, the wind blew it from his hand.

That was very like the time he and Jamie would have together, he mused; blowing away all too quickly, while he sat here and worried about how fast it was going, rather than finding his lover and making the most of every moment they had.

The Time Lord got to his feet, stretching his thin arms above his head. Jamie had walked down the beach, but he hadn't chosen to go with the other man; there were times when the two of them needed their private time alone, to lose themselves in their own thoughts.

And he wouldn't have been a very good companion to have at the moment, the Doctor thought wryly, another soft sigh leaving his lips. He had too much on his mind, too much that might upset Jamie if he put those disturbing thoughts into words.

He could see his lover in the distance, walking along the beach with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. The sight brought a smile to his lips; looking at the man he loved could always lift his spirits, even when he wasn't in a very good mood.

The Doctor moved towards the sparkling water of the ocean, making his way along the stretch of sand in the direction of his lover. The sands of time might be running too rapidly through the hourglass for his taste -- but starting now, he was determined to make the most of that time.

***