Title: If the World Should End
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 9, End
Note: Continuation of Words Like Knives.
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor stepped into the bedroom that he shared with John on the Tardis, trying to smile as his lover's eyes met his. Their gazes held as he made his way across the room to sit down on the bed next to the other man, his voice soft when he spoke.

"John .... I've been meaning to talk to you about something." His voice was low and husky, the words coming out slowly, as though they were stuck in his throat. "Actually, I need to apologise for some of the things I've said to you."

The other man looked startled at the Doctor's words, his dark eyes widening, but he didn't speak. The Doctor reached out to take John's hands in his, threading their fingers together.

"When we were on Earth, I said some things to you in the midst of all that was happening that I should never have said," the Doctor began, wishing that it was easier for him to admit that he'd been wrong. Why was it so hard for these words to come out?

He'd never had a hard time facing up to his own mistakes -- he was always willing to admit when he'd done something that he shouldn't. But for some reason, the words were reluctant, as if they didn't want to make themselves known.

The Doctor sighed as a realization hit him. The reason that the words didn't want to come out was because he was afraid that John wouldn't accept his apology -- that his lover would resent the things he'd said, and not forgive him for them.

What would he do if that was how John felt? He couldn't spend the rest of their lives trying to make amends -- though he wanted to. He would do anything he could to repair whatever damage he might have done to his relationship with the man he loved.

If only the words would come -- but they seemed to be trapped inside his mind, unable to make their way to his tongue and let themselves be heard.

John's words surprised him; he'd expected resentment, even anger. But his lover's voice was calm, even apologetic. His eyes flew to the other man's face; he couldn't doubt the sincerity that was written all over the features that were the twin of his own.

"I don't blame you for what you said, Doctor," John murmured, his gaze fleetingly meeting the Doctor's before he looked down at their entwined hands. "I made some bad decisions that, in retrospect, I didn't really have the right to make."

"You had no choice but to make those decisions," the Doctor said softly, not wanting John to feel as though he'd done something wrong. "You were doing what you thought was all you could, given the situation that we were in. I'd have done the same thing."

But would he? He had to ask himself that question inwardly, cringing at what he thought his own answer might be. Would he have gone down the path that John had chosen? He'd probably have tried to find another way, but it was over and done with.

He couldn't blame John for what had been done. And he couldn't let his lover keep feeling guilty for the choices he'd made. It wasn't fair to either of them.

John was shaking his head, still not looking up at the Doctor, his voice barely audible. "No, I don't think you would have. You'd have searched for another way -- and probably have found it. I panicked, instead of keeping a cool head."

"That wasn't your fault, John," the Doctor said softly, disentangling one hand from John's and tilting the other man's face up to his so that their eyes met. "I don't blame you for it. I blame myself for putting you in that position."

"I was afraid that it might be the end," John whispered, his eyes filling with tears. "That was all I could think of -- that I had to find a way to keep that from happening. I did the best I could, Doctor. But I feel like my best wasn't good enough -- and wasn't what you would have done."

"No, it wasn't the end," the Doctor told him, his voice gaining strength as he spoke. "It was only the beginning, John. The beginning for you and I." He wrapped both arms around the other man, pulling John close against his own body.

The words he'd said to John before didn't seem important. All that mattered was letting his love know that he hadn't done the wrong thing -- and that they would be together.

John's arms were around him, the other man's single heart beating against his own duality of hearts. The Doctor closed his eyes, letting himself sink into the sensation of holding the man he loved, not wanting to let him go.

After what seemed like a very long time, he felt John relax in his arms, the other man's forehead resting against his shoulder. The Doctor let out a soft sigh of relief; no more words needed to be said. They were as one, here with each other, wrapped in a comforting embrace.

Their bond transcended words, even actions. As long as they were here together, their hearts and souls would reach out to each other, touch tentatively at first, and then wind themselves around each other as they settled into that bond.

A bond that would last forever. The Doctor smiled to himself at the thought. Even if the world should end -- he was convinced that he and John had no end in sight.

***