Title: Beautiful in My Eyes
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, sound_of_drums
Prompt: 4, Beautiful
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor frowned, looking around the control room and wondering where John was. It wasn't like his lover to stay away from him for so long when they were on the Tardis; it was almost as though John felt a compulsion to be near him.

He almost had a sixth sense as to where the other man was, but that didn't surprise him. In the months that they'd been together, he had gotten to the point where he could concentrate on John and literally feel his presence.

Did that mean that his telepathic abilities were getting stronger, or that he was somehow developing other abilities that had been untapped in him until now? He didn't know, but it was something that he would have to give some thought.

At the moment, the only thing in his mind was finding his lover. He had a feeling that something was disturbing John, and that in turn made him feel uneasy. Whatever was on the other man's mind, he wanted to know what it was, and try to help.

The Doctor made his way down one of the corridors of the ship, finding himself at the door of the library and knowing that John was inside. He could tell that the other man was in that room; besides having a sense of John's presence, he could hear that soft, steady breathing.

Entering the library, he cleared his throat softly, making John look up at him with a startled expression. He raised a hand to his face, but not before the Doctor caught the sparkle of tears on his cheeks in the lamplit room.

That sight made him hurry across the room, sitting down on the couch beside John and taking his lover's hands in his own. He didn't know what worry was making John cry, but he was determined to find out and banish it far away from them.

"John, love, what is it?" he asked, his voice soft and husky. The thought of anything making his lover this unhappy was almost enough to make him cry himself; he could feel the constriction in his throat, the tears prickling close under the surface.

His human clone shook his head, not looking over at the Doctor. "I-I was just thinking of what might happen in our future -- when I start aging. It's not going to be an attractive process, Doctor. I'm afraid of what might happen to us then."

"What brought this on?" the Doctor asked, keeping his tone soft. He slid over on the couch next to John, taking the other man in his arms and pulling him close. "John, you don't have to be afraid about anything. Nothing is going to take you away from me."

"You say that now," John whispered, tears choking his voice. "But how will you feel when I start to age? I know that you're not one to care about someone simply for their looks -- but it's different when that person is your lover."

The Doctor blinked, amazed that John could think in this way. Of course his looks didn't matter; he loved this man for who he was, not merely for what he looked like. There had to be some other underlying anxiety that was fueling John's thoughts.

"When I begin to age -- that's going to show you what you'll look like if you stay in this body," John told him, wiping as more tears as they streaked down his cheeks. "What if it shows you something that you don't want to see -- and you can't bear to look at it?"

"John ...." The Doctor felt helpless, unable to find words to explain how those words made him feel. "I would never turn you aside. That's only the surface -- it doesn't matter to me. And it's far in the future. We need to enjoy the present while we're living it."

"I've tried to do that," John said, his voice catching in his throat. "And usually, I succeed. But I can't help thinking of the future, Doctor -- probably because I don't have nearly as much of one as you do. I'm human. I don't have the time at my disposal that you do."

"That's all the more reason to enjoy our life together," the Doctor murmured, stroking a hand through John's hair as the other man rested his forehead against the Time Lord's shoulder. "I want us to take every moment that we have together, and not waste any time in worrying."

"I suppose that I'm afraid of being pushed away once you don't find me beautiful any more," John said softly, his voice barely audible. "I know that's a very human fear -- but I suppose there's enough of a human vanity in me to find that frightening."

A feeling of surprise went through the Doctor again; he hadn't expected John to have those sorts of thoughts, but he supposed it made sense. After all, he was human now -- even though he had the Doctor's memories, there was a bit of him that wasn't a Time Lord.

Yes, he was more or less a Time Lord in a human body -- but there was also some of Donna in him, and maybe that had been one of her fears. He had to remember that even though he and John shared so much, there were some things about John that weren't like him at all.

"Will you want to make love to me when I'm aging?" John continued, tears still trickling down his face. "What if you can't bear to look at me -- because you'll see what you might become? What if I can't be what you need any more? What then?"

Taking the other man's face between his hands, the Doctor looked into his eyes -- those same eyes that he saw every day when he looked at his own face in the mirror. John was his double -- but there were some differences that weren't apparent on the surface.

"You'll always be with me, John," he said, his voice strong and firm. "You never have to worry about me letting you go, love. I'll always love you, more than I can begin to put into words. And you'll always be beautiful in my eyes, even when you age."

John's gaze met his, the tears welling up in the other man's eyes again. The Doctor pulled him close, wrapping both arms around that slender waist and burying his face in the softness of John's hair. How could his lover think that he would ever separate the two of them?

"There could be a thousand lines on your face, and grey in your hair, and I'd still think you were the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on," he whispered into John's ear. "Those lines would come from a lifetime of smiles, my love. And I'd treasure every one of them."

The other man gulped and spoke softly, his voice wavering slightly. "You'd treasure the smiles, or the lines?" he asked, a soft laugh accompanying the words. That was good, thought the Doctor, feeling relief seep through him. John was trying to lighten the mood.

"Both," he answered softly, wiping away the tears from John's cheeks with his thumbs and leaning forward to press a kiss against the other man's mouth. "Every smile, every wrinkle, every grey hair -- every moment of the life we build together."

"I can't say that I won't envy you for being young and beautiful while I'm growing old and grey," John whispered, his eyes still locked with the Time Lord's dark gaze. "I don't want to feel that way, Doctor -- but I have a feeling that I won't be able to stop myself from being envious."

"To me, you'll always be young and beautiful, love," the Doctor said, his voice sincere. "I could never see anything when I look at you other than the man I love. Aging doesn't matter, John. What matters is what's inside -- and that's what I love more than anything else."

"Even the part of me that's not like you?" John questioned, his voice still trembling slightly. "There are times when I wish that I wasn't human, that I was exactly like you. But if I was -- then you probably wouldn't be here any longer."

"I love you just as you are, John Smith," the Doctor told him, threading his fingers through his lover's hair and gazing into John's eyes. "I wouldn't change a thing. Human or not -- you're the man I love, and that is never, ever going to change."

John's eyes closed as the Doctor's lips met his, all of his questions -- and hopefully his fears as well, the Doctor thought to himself -- pushed away, at least for the time being. He hoped that together, the two of them would be able to keep those fears at bay, until they eventually vanished for good.

He'd told John the truth when he'd said that his lover would always be beautiful in his eyes. His love for John wasn't going to fade, no matter how much time passed. And he was going to prove that to John every day of their lives together -- starting from this very moment.

***